HELP, PROBLEM SAYING WHAT MUST BE SAID

You are right both of you Hardlife37 and Julius Fawcett. I agree with what you are saying and happy you are giving me support in this because I feel so alone in real life. I got support from my husband, my 3 friends and grandma. No one else understands the situation. At some point my little brother came with me shopping and he noticed that girls give me really bad looks and they take a certain cold tone of voice with me. I don't dress like a slutt, I just dress in very expensive ways apparently and I show of my curves but without showing skin. So when I got to my in-laws, it's the same thing the women give me looks from far and they don't come talk to me. Few years ago many times I used to come t them smile, compliment them and even offering them to hang out, but they never looked interested, they made me understand quickly that I wasn't their preffered choice. So became more distant with them, I stopped trying because after years of trying it's a sign that these people are not for me. So I show up rarely with my husband to events in my in-laws to show we have better things to do, we are busy and can have fun without them. We often tell them we spend great time having fun with friends, doing activities, going in spas to let them know that we are god together. I will listen to what you said that they want to see me angry they want me to get in the shadow,to lose my nice body. I noticed that they get along very wel with women who are not very attractive physially or mentally. They like the kind of women who are bubble heads and who agree with everything they say while me I am more stiking to my opinion, I have different opinions and I am nothing like them and that was quite obvious in the first meeting. They judge alot my hisband when I am there and when they saw I defended him, and I didn't agree with their judgements that's when the cold began and also the negative looks i got from the way I was dressing and they often complaint about their weight issues. They seem doubtful when I complimented them in the past. Anyway now is now and it's hard not to get angry when they start saying negative things about our choices up front. But I shouldn't show anger, but at the same time i can stand for my ground and tell them : ''Listen I do not agree with your opinion and you are wasting your advices and opinions on me and my husband because we do not agree with your'' I can also say without getting angry in a firm and strong tone '' I do not need your comments or negative opinion '' while looking straight in the eyes...would that be good?

I know so far the biggest slap in the face to give them is to not go often to their parties.That shows that we have better things to do. It's never good to see too often people who try t put us down.

This reads much healthier, you are protecting your happiness by not getting angry, you are telling them you don't need their opinions, and you are not often going to see them.

its good that your venting out on this forum ,thats what this forum is for to vent out , ive been angry aswell for years cause people wanted me to b friends with other time wasters and i wasnt intrested i always had more important thins to do such achieve my goals .

I mean you both are right I don't have to be with people that make me unhappy and feeling unwelcomed. My problem is that I always want to make everybody happy, I try too much. I always wanna try to make sure I please everybody and make things right. But I am the one who wasted her energy. I showed them I was a nice person, but they didn't wanna see or accept it. So from now on to every event I will be myself, sit comfortably away from the people who don't like me and always say what I feel if they ask me. Without showing that they get to me, but telling them how I feel to let them know that I am comfortable saying whats wrong and that they don't impress me or succeed at making me feel bad about myself. Showing my true colors. Never hide for people.

You can't make them change the way that they think, you can't make them let go of their jealousy and be happy, you can live an example of a happy life, you can refuse to be under their control, you can decide not to take what they say personally and smile radiantly knowing that you love yourself. It's lucky that you do love yourself because you can't rely on other people loving you, but you can always rely on yourself.

Good thread... people are often jealous of me... even members of my family. I think jealousy is a great compliment, and I never stopped to consider it as a bad thing... I say, "If people want to be jealous, give them something to be jealous of!!!"

I'm the entertainer... I have the most energy, the fastest wit, and I'm down for anything- even an argument. Having tons of energy is easy, and learning to be the one controlling the energy, and atmosphere of a room is an invaluable lesson... I suggest joining Toastmasters!!

Being a non drinker is fine, but you'll never win over a drinker by droning on the subject of alcohol, disease, etc (especially if the drinker is drinking). My friend is sober and hangs out with drinkers all the time...he refuses drinks, and nobody cares because my friend JOINS in the fun, he matches the energy of the drinkers, dances, picks up chicks, blurts obscenities, makes people laugh, and my friend always earns the respect of drinkers, because he there for the same reason they are... to let go. And when the night is done... it's awesome having a DD!!!

Perception is everything.

good luck.

But in front of non drinkers, without judging them of course, if they tell me it's weird I don't drink I can tell them '' No I think it's weird drinking,knowing alcohol is dangerous for your health'' or simply saying that I have a different opinion than him or her and just do my own things.It's just rare people that are young adults that don' drink.

I don't drink either, I just say "I'm happy being myself"