Hurting and alone

It's coming upto 20 weeks now. But I have separated from my wife (trial separation.
I am thinking **** it what's the point if you think you are going to break up.

But then again 20 weeks is a big achievement for me

Hi dog, cant help you much but I can tell you about a friend I had years ago. They broke the mold with this old hillbilly but I learned a lot from him. One thing I took from him and still use today is the way he trusted people. Even though some might be shady etc he still had an amount of trust, he would loan tools, money whatever, but he always was conscious about loaning and trusting shady types protecting not going overboard about what he would give or loan. I asked him about it one day and he told me he believed that if someone ask you should give as long as it didn't hurt himself or his family by what he did for them. He said it gave him peace of mind to do what's right and by goin around constantly not trusting, brings a fellow down. If the person screwed him over, wich was rarely I found, he just never made the same mistake with them again.. Easy cheesy Japanesy.

I've been screwed hard in past relationships and I know it can be devastating to the psychy especially if you continue and continue to make it work. I guess my point is, being at peace in a situation makes for better decisions in the long run. I wish I had known that years ago. I could've saved myself a lot of personal pain that I allowed to consume me. We can't control others of course and why would we want to anyway, there's no benefit in that. We do have control over ourselves and our minds though.

I have no idea if that jargon will help. It helped me for sure, in a whole lot of aspects in life to I found.
I think maybe if you try to stay at peace with yourself as best you can while you're goin thru what your goin through it will help, with decisions, being able to express without as much anger etc. I do know communication is vital, anger is detrimental. Try to be as patient as possible I suppose.

I do know I wish you the best and hope it works out for you.
God bless my friend
SM

Keep posting man, it helps to get it out.

Your not alone
SM

Thanks every one. You are right it does help.
I do like that story and I can relate to the hillbilly

Yes he was. He had a million stories. One of my best friends. I miss him a lot.

He was a meth addict for many many years. Then one day he stopped and bettered himself. Did it on his own from sheer will and determination. No help. Was in the midst of others who never stopped as well. I was very proud of that man. He woulda literally given me any thing I would've ask for. In turn I would've also. He helped my wife and I many times. He taught me a lot. About life and willpower. I think he learned a few things from me as well.
He was also an excellent father to his kids regardless, one of his kids turned out to be a baptist preacher lol

✌
Peace
SM

Never been as low as this before.
Dispite kicking the addiction I have now lost the one I love. I don't know how to deal with this it hurts so much

Dog wrote: I don't know how to deal with this it hurts so much

The same way we deal with anything in life, we act.

If we just sit there doing nothing, then nothing changes. If we take action, things change. The question then becomes, do you take a healthy action or an unhealthy action?

Healthy action means setting some positive things you want to accomplish and start acting on them. You go to the gym, a walk in the park, you volunteer, you join a club, you take up a hobby, you focus your time on actions that will help you become a different person tomorrow than you are today.

Unhealthy actions are using drugs or alcohol, seeking out escorts or false, toxic relationships. These actions change you as well.

Taking action is how we deal with things. That is the only choice. There is no other option. The only question is what action.

The problem is when I do do something I do the wrong thing. I need to leave it in gods hands and if it is ment to be it will be. If I react while my head is in a mess then I could make things worse.
I am the kind of person who try's to fix everything, I don't like to sit back and wait for other people to sort things out.

So my wife has left me and I am in Newquay on my own watching the sun set but when I look around all I see is couples.
I came here to clear my head and forget about sh** but every where I go I see things that remind me of her.
This sucks big time

Sorry to hear it, Dog. But if merely seeing couples reminds you of her, there's not much you can do about it atm except know this won't go on forever. Nothing does.

While clearing your head, can you list her reasons for leaving you? Are they reasonable? Can you / do you want to change the way you are in relationship?

I'm sure she's hurting, too. Miracles do happen.

Not reasonable at all but I suppose that's women

If that's the way you feel about women, and your wife in particular, why would you be missing her?

I love her unconditionally. Floors and all. That was an attempt at light humour to hide my pain

Dog wrote:Floors and all. That was an attempt at light humour to hide my pain

This one I got. A pun on floors and flaws, right?

No that's just my sh** spelling