Hurting and alone

**Posts:** 34 · by **Dog** » Tue Jun 06, 2017 7:29 am

Hello everyone,
I just found out that my wife is cheating on me.
See doesn't know that I know.
I don't know weather to confront her and risk losing my family or try to work harder on our marriage.
I am not perfect of course. We nearly split 3 years ago when my first big depression hit me. I went to escort. I don't know why I was just in a horrible place. My wife found out and only by the grace of God did we stay together. Now the tables have turned and I don't know what to do

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Tue Jun 06, 2017 7:40 am

Talk to her.

**Posts:** 34 · by **Dog** » Wed Jun 07, 2017 5:43 am

I did. Now I feel a massive anxiety

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Wed Jun 07, 2017 7:08 am

Probably how your wife felt when she found out you'd been with an 'escort'. You survived this before, you'll survive it again. And perhaps you'll start treating each other with more respect.

**Posts:** 3 · by **Kdnor10** » Wed Jun 07, 2017 4:14 pm

If you are truly depressed, you might be driving her away without realizing. It's hard for someone love a person who isn't sure if they love themselves. You have to work on yourself man! You have to be confident in a marriage. Confident in your love. Confident in your happiness. Confident in your own life with or without her.

**Posts:** 34 · by **Dog** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 7:01 am

We have talked and talked and we have decided to make it work again.
Since we have done this the sex has been great. I have never done it so much in 3 days.
But I have a nagging anxiety in my head that it's not over between them.
She say and swears to god that there was no sex and they were just flirting

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 9:16 am

Accept that story or you'll mess up this reconciliation. After all, you've been using escorts. Put it all behind you now.

**Posts:** 34 · by **Dog** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 9:38 am

I have stopped and I will forgive her no matter what. It's the not knowing that is driving me crazy

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 9:45 am

She's told you what she wants you to believe. I'd go with that, if you want this renewed bliss to last.

**Posts:** 34 · by **Dog** » Sat Jun 10, 2017 6:47 am

Thanks everyone

**Posts:** 34 · by **Dog** » Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:57 pm

I have f***ed up.
After finding the emails I got obsessed and subscribed to something that can track text messages. This is a new low for me.
But I did find more text between my wife and a man.
Arranging meetings and xxx
It would look quite innocent apart from the fact that they had no name on them and they were instantly deleted.

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Sun Jul 16, 2017 9:30 am

So now you're spying on your wife.

Might as well tell her the marriage is over, so both of you can extricate yourselves with minimum pain.

**Posts:** 216 · by **^_^** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 12:40 am

Maybe she did more, maybe she didn't.
In the grand scheme of things, how high a priority is this knowledge? Does it make her love for you less real? Does it make your love for her less real? After all, she is the gal where you've been trough so much with, who decided to stick with you when you were depressed, Who decide to try and forgive your transgressions, who you were afraid of confronting because above all else you didn't want to lose her.

The way I see it, you really have two options here:
1) If you want to make it work again, you'll have to accept this. Assume it did happen, and decide to accept it. If you're willing to do that, it doesn't even matter whether it actually happened or not, does it?
2) If you're not able to live with that, keep on trying to get to truth, on the off chance that you might find out nothing did actually happen, but ruin your marriage in the process either way.

**Posts:** 216 · by **^_^** » Tue Jul 18, 2017 12:56 am

Don't get me wrong, it's in the best interest of the relationship to get the truth out in the open and discuss it so you both can get passed it. But if she's really withholding information that's for her to share when she feels ready for it. Perhaps once you've accepted that possibility, and she feels like you would understand she'll feel more comfortable sharing.
Or maybe she did plan things, and didn't actually go trough with it in the end. which would explain the deleted texts Either way, it seems very unwise to rock the boat that way at this fragile state.

**Posts:** 34 · by **mindtester** » Fri Jul 21, 2017 7:06 pm

Definitely always talk about these things even if they happen again in the future. You've got to protect your feelings too

Hurting and alone

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