anxiety getting worse

It's like a fantasy..A new job in istanbul..If that were real.

Honestly, desperate, if I didn't know better I would accuse you of being a troll.

You didn't even have time to read my post, much less think about what I was saying, before you rushed back with a wistful reply about the "fantasy" of living in Istanbul.

Now (she said sternly), you have to take action. You have to tell your mother you're coming home, give notice at work, arrange for your stuff to be moved to Istanbul, set a date and get cracking.

Well, maybe not all of it at once, but as Richard would say: You need to ACT.

It's up to you to make this fantasy happen.

The hardest part in realising this fantasy is finding a job. There are many qualified jobless people in istanbul. I'm anxious to open my computer how can I act to find a job? I will tell my mother to ask for that to relatives but she will get sorry. I was jobless for ten years before this job. It's so hard to find a job.

Life is hard, desperate. For everybody.

I say get yourself to Istanbul and start talking to people. Other People are the best conduit to jobs that haven't been advertised. In a job market where every advertisement brings thousands of applicants, the applicant who knows someone in the building is always considered.

When you go to the right place and talk to the right people, you hear of jobs before they're advertised. The internet isn't the way to search. It's too big, too diffuse, and attracts too many people wanting the same thing.

It looks to me as though Istanbul is the right place. You won't know the right people until you start talking, saying what you want, what you're looking for. The more people you talk to, the better.

The way forward is to get yourself to where the action is and start talking. Make a CV that shows you at your best and deliver it personally to companies where you think you'd like to work. Don't bother looking for advertised jobs. By the time you see them, they've already gone.

Yes,. I'm challenging you to summon some energy and DO something.

If you don't, nothing changes except to get worse.

Yes things getting worse I can't do the necessary things to save me..But I can't just can't I'm like a corpse hardly going to work everyday all I can do is that.

Plenty of people can't do that much. Going to work every day means lots of other things: you can walk, drive, wash and dress yourself, do something you get paid for to an acceptable standard, not offend anybody. All of these things are impossible for many people, but you can do them.

desperate788 wrote:I can't just can't...

You would if you had to. You could do all kinds of things if you had to.

Yes I don't have any physical disability but my is in a terrible condition.

My mind

Yes I want that.

And yet you write
I can't do anything this hell will go on.

It's a choice, desperate.

It requires motivation and energy. My minded is ducked hell out of adrenaline

I wanted to mean my mind is damaged by adrenaline

desperate788 wrote: It's like a fantasy..A new job in istanbul..If that were real.
I would like that more than anything
leave all this tax crap move to istanbul
start a new life..
Even thinking about it excites me.

Candid wrote:You want to go. The thought excites you. That's called motivation. The only other kind is pain. Pain motivates people to escape pain.

From where I'm sitting, it's painful to stay where you are -- but clearly it's not yet painful enough. When being where you are, and as unhappy as you are, gets TOO painful, you'll be forced to pack your bags and go home. By that time your father will be gone, but he'll still live in your head because you never had the courage to confront him. And you'll be that much older, that much less likely to find work that suits you.

You don't acquire bravery by telling yourself and other people that you're too scared to move, too scared to change, too scared even to say hello to strangers. The only way to acquire bravery is to do the things that scare you.

Here are two scenarios:
1) You stick with the tax office until you're too old to work any more or they get rid of you. By that time both parents are dead, and you've never challenged yourself in any way, so every day you've become more scared, more crazy, more alone.
OR
2) You move back to Istanbul, as soon as you possibly can, and can immediately tell yourself: "I did it! I was scared, but I did it anyway!" Then you have family, people who care about you, more bustle outside your home, a new therapist you can stick with, unlimited job possibilities.

One is predictable and most likely getting worse as the years pass. The other is only partially predictable -- and that's a good thing.

How would it be if you went to the personnel manager and said there's a family crisis (this is true) and you need to move to Istanbul (which imo is also true). Is it possible they might say: "We can use you in the Istanbul office"?

I would suggest you take your formal written resignation in, to hand over if they accept it. And if that's the case... you're free!