Non-anger management?

Hi Hectagon

I'm with you. I get sad rather than angry and I think it is simply that different people react in different ways.

I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with not getting angry and think it is in fact a good thing.

Briary

I would have to say that this is not exactly normal but I really do not know enough about what your suggesting. Anger is a normal emotion that everyone should feel because it motivates our aggressive tendency to defend ourselves. While this could be bad if a person was in a constant state of aggressive defense, it can also be healthy if dealt with maturely and apprporiately so as not to be victimized. Anger in the mature psyche promotes assertiveness and standing up for one's self. You say that you get incredibly sad instead of angry in a situation where most people get mad. My question is why would you not feel this normal emotion called anger?

If you are asking this question in a forum such as this it must concern you enough to suggest a ccertain amount of seriousness. If I were in your situation I may really consider seeing some one professionally about you issue.

I would say that this is perfectly normal, a lot of my clients say they never get angry, although they do reconise that they have strong emotional charges aroung certain people or events. there are two types of angry people in my opinion. exploders and imploders. is it that you never get angry of maybe as soon a you have strong feelings about something you keep it inside?
Robbie

hello hectagon
i know it's a while since you posted but here's my view -

I'm intrigued as to why you're asking the question – maybe it's more serious for you than you care to admit at the moment
there are some good aspects to anger – it can energise us, empower us, it is a natural feeling that can inspire us to "stand up for ourselves" or "do something" when someone treats us (or someone else) badly or unfairly.
"sad" is also a valid feeling but it is usually quite passive and that makes you sound passive
in my view the issue is not about whether we get angry (I believe we all do, just sometimes we find it difficult to recognise or acknowledge) it's about what we do with our anger. my guess with you is that your parents either got so angry with each other and / or you that it was so frightening that you can't bear to contemplate it or that they taught you to behave like a good boy
if you were a good boy what did they do that caused you to be such a good boy
I have some questions for you:
how did your family do anger?
what was their attitude towards it?
how did they encourage you to behave well? and what did you think might happen if you didn't behave appropriately (compliantly?)
if you don't do anger who does it for you (e.g. your partner)?
is the prospect of getting angry scary for you?
are you ever sarcastic / do you ever slam doors / ask innocent questions like "are you putting on weight?"
do you fear confrontation?
do you think some people see you as a wimp or a pushover?
I believe we all have anger that we all feel it but some of us suppress it completely, some blow once in a while (I had a client who used to go "ballistic" every couple of years), some get overtly angry easily, some acknowledge it but express it in a mature way,
you might think of it as a pressure tank that keeps filling up: the machinery that it connects to works best if the valve is opened slowly but regularly. if the valve is never opened it can rupture the machinery – so it might "break down" or "explode"
people who never express anger are the group most likely to be depressive or psychotic, they can often be unsociable – preferring "their own company", have breakdowns, schizophrenia or suffer frequently from stress, be obsessive compulsive, develop certain kinds of vague illnesses which result in low energy or be more than usually vulnerable to bugs, viruses etc
maybe you're just one of the lucky ones but when you see injustice I think it's a little sad that you get sad not angry
maybe you equate anger with aggression or violence
in my view it's healthy to angry sometimes it's how you handle it that counts

That really makes sense to me Jim, pity you live in Bristol because it appears we have very similar views we might be able to do some work together.

Robbie

hi robbie
you sound like a wonderful person
will you marry me?
jim

I do have this affect on my clients sometime but alas i as quite straight, i'm sorry there is no way to let you down gently. But on a more serious note, i really like your ideas and it's nice to know there is someone else out there who has'nt just read a book on anger management and then runs courses on the subject. not sure about you but i get quite a few enquires from people who have completed an AM programme and feel much worse afterwards. But i guess thats the same in any field when it comes to human emotions.

Regards Robbie

hi robbie
yes on an equally serious note I have been running anger management programmes for about eight years now and counselling those with anger problems for twelve and I too have come across people who have been left feeling high and dry after a programme. as you no doubt know whilst a two or three day group-work course may be fantastically helpful it's not the whole solution. it needs follow up, continuing support and encouragement to do more work …
I hope hectagon gets in touch. I'm very interested in a person with no anger getting in touch with an anger management site …
ps I'm straight too, I hoped robbie might be short for roberta

I'm the same way except I don't get sad either. I never noticed until the love bug bit me, since then I feel emotionless unless i'm partaking in an enjoyable activity.

I don't think the anger part is a problem. I rarely get into conflicts that force me to defend myself and when I do, I find fighting enjoyable, sport-like.

Not getting sad on the other hand has brought about some problems. Not morning or being able to empathize with others will get a person outcasted very quickly. So I pretend when I need to.

This doesn't seem to bother guys that much but women, jez.