by Leo Volont » Mon Feb 05, 2018 8:27 am
Hi Unknowwn,
I believe I might be able to help. I will explain the ‘How To’ of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but first a Trick that will keep you from getting so close to what seems like Rage Anger all the time. You see, what fuels intense Anger is a brain secretion called Cortisol. It is released by a gland that is fairly close to the Brain Stem. What triggers Cortisol is whatever might make you feel defensive or threatened. Yes, what seems to trigger your anger doesn’t seem like much, but the unfortunate thing about Cortisol is that the more the gland that secretes Cortisol is activated, the easier it is to activate the next time. What happens I suppose is that your Body feels, because of all the Cortisol activations, that you live in a Very Dangerous Environment. This is the problem of living a High Stress Lifestyle – that you develop a kind of a ‘hair trigger’ where Cortisol is involved. But this Trick I am about to tell you about will help you to put this escalating cycle to an end.
Understand that Cortisol is triggered by subconscious portions of the Brain. Whatever signals or perceptions that Triggered the Cortisol may not register in your Conscious Mind for several seconds after the Cortisol has already been pumping. What Cortisol does is it acts like a very intense Stimulant for the muscles, and it also redirects Brain Activity to the more primitive portions of the Brain, away from the Higher Rational Centers, and this is why Once You Are Angry it is so difficult to regain control. Because the conscious mind often lags behind the Cortisol by a number of seconds… often until it is too late… you need to STOP the Cortisol even before you are even consciously aware that you have been Triggered. This seems like an impossible dilemma until you realize that because the Jaw Muscles are so close to the Brain gland that releases Cortisol, that almost the very instant that the Cortisol begins pumping THE JAW MUSCLES TIGHTEN, OR YOU MAY FEEL IT AS THE TEETH CLENCHING. The Trick is to use THAT signal as your Warning and all you have to do is Instantaneously RELAX YOUR JAW MUSCLES. You can do that simply by Opening your Mouth – pretend you are taking a deep breath through your mouth. That, for some reason, stops the flow of Cortisol immediately.
I don’t know why all the Anger Management Books do not site this particular technique. I myself have been working on my Anger for years, and the books always say to look for the first signs of Anger, and that is how I spotted the Jaw Clenching Reflex. Relaxing my Jaw Muscles was then just a lucky guess. Then through subsequent reading I pieced together the rest of the puzzle. I would suppose that primitive people and people more in touch with nature always knew about this Reflex – if a bear walked into the village then Clench Your Teeth and Keep them Clenched because you would want to Go Wild and Crazy, but, if you just caught the site of the village stupid mangy dog out of the corner of your eye and thought it was a Wolf for a split second, and then as quickly saw it was a false alarm, you would open your mouth and go “Wuuuuu!” or whatever and let the little bit of Cortisol that got released pass. But, yes, here at the Anger Management Forum we have been spreading the word about this Cortisol Jaw Reflex Technique for some time now and many people have commented that It Works. So, Unknowwn, see if you can practice it and see if it doesn’t work for you. When I first decided to Practice the Technique I thought of stabbing my hand with a pin in order to excite a Cortisol release, but it turns out that all you need is a pin and the Idea that you are about to stab your hand – just the anticipation of stabbing yourself with a pin is enough to kick off the Cortisol. Remember, don’t waste a millisecond – as soon as you feel your Jaw Muscles tighten, go “Wuuuuu!”- Open you mouth, relax your Jaw Muscles.
Then I discovered that whenever one of my 4 cats would be naughty or annoying, for instance when I would be writing or working on Mathematics, my jaws would tighten up. I used to get Angry at the cats, but not anymore. Now in a relaxed manner I just tell them “You Be Good!”. Also, one lady said that, surprisingly, the Jaw Tightening also occurs before Physical Intimacy (apparently, as far as the body goes, the Act of Physical Intimacy is ‘risky’ and dangerous enough to trigger a mild Cortisol release, so you can use moments like that also for recognizing and relaxing the Jaw Reflex). Especially, whenever you get into any discussion with your Partner, even if you think it starts innocuously, well, we both know that these Triggers can come out of nowhere, so keep a close eye on yourself for that Jaw Reflex. Another lady wrote back saying that in order to be careful she just keeps her mouth open, lips slightly apart and teeth separated, and she breaths through her mouth during situations where she wants to be extra careful. She told me that “It is impossible to get angry with my mouth open”. So you see, this is not just me with some crazy idea. People here really do say it Works. Let us know how it works for you.
Now, about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The idea behind that is that chronically angry people have been conditioned by their Lives into having really bad behavioral habits and bad habits in the way they think about things that causes them to feel defensive, offended, insulted or just plain Angry. The shortcut to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is to remember the 3 R’s. First R – REVIEW. You Review all your Behaviors that get you into trouble and all the Thought Patterns that get you into trouble. Second R – REVISE. Do NOT try to justify these Behaviors and Thought Patterns that get you into Trouble. That is what people always do (why I am right to be so pissed off), and that is what keeps them getting into Trouble all the time. You want to Revise these Behaviors, these Thoughts. So you think of what you should DO instead, or what you should THINK instead. 3rd R – REHEARSE. Once you identified behaviors or thought patterns that get you into trouble, and you have thought about what to Do and Think instead, then whenever it crosses your mind, Rehearse the new thoughts and walk yourself through the new Behaviors like you are rehearsing for the School Play.
Lastly, since you anger seem so close to Rage and it has been almost chronic, you really should put yourself on a serious diet of Anger Management Books. Stay away from the New Age Stuff because those authors are just writing books for what they think is a niche market, and they don’t really know what they are talking about. Also, avoid books by Philosophers who spout about Anger but they were probably never angry a day in their life… they just have their theories about Anger like they have theories about everything else they know nothing about. You need to stick to books by Psychologists and Medical Professionals who have had clinical experience treating Angry People. The best author out there I believe is Ronald Potter-Efron. You can get his books on line. He wrote one book specifically about Rage. A recent book, “the Angry Brain” goes into detail about what I said about Cortisol (except for the trick). And there are other titles by him. If you read “the Angry Brain” he talks about Neural Plasticity – that the Brain will Re-Wire areas that are seldom used for the learning of New Tasks. The way it applies to us is that if we discontinue Angry habits of Behavior and Thought, then it is very likely that the Brain will simply Over-Write the Old Habits with the New habits… or the Brain might actually develop New Centers, even generating brand new brain cells. BUT, this process takes a while. Chronic Anger will not go away simply because of a change in Attitude. It takes Daily Anger Management thought and Focus for you to thoroughly re-program your Angry Brain into a nice courteous and polite Brain. It is like learning to play the violin. Practice, Practice, Practice. The author says “months” but I would tend to believe it takes “years”. Yes, for years, I would read a chapter of some Anger Management book every day. Then I took this Forum on as a Hobby to keep my Head in the Anger Management Game. I believe you should work at it the same way. Make anger management your new Hobby. Become an expert. In ten years you will be an entirely different person. At Thanksgiving your own family won’t know who the heck you are. “Who are you and what did you do to our mean and surly Daughter?”