Books and tools for learning emotional intelligence

Please don't all post at once! Hahaha

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Dav...one thing is for sure, genuine emotional intelligence does not come from one book...or even several books...I feel it comes from being exposed to many situations where judgement becomes the norm...only emotional intelligence resists the norm...emotional intelligence accepts what is and adapts. I have read many self-help books, participated in many philisophical discussions, taken classes, attended seminars, watched programs and explored religion...I still feel I am emotionally deficient. I do however feel i am more aware of the world around me than most people I interact with daily...but this is not a judgement about them...simply an observation about me...emotional intelligence is equal to self awareness...

Smell what I'm steppin in?

Zuriel wrote:Dav...one thing is for sure, genuine emotional intelligence does not come from one book...or even several books...I feel it comes from being exposed to many situations where judgement becomes the norm...only emotional intelligence resists the norm...emotional intelligence accepts what is and adapts. I have read many self-help books, participated in many philisophical discussions, taken classes, attended seminars, watched programs and explored religion...I still feel I am emotionally deficient. I do however feel i am more aware of the world around me than most people I interact with daily...but this is not a judgement about them...simply an observation about me...emotional intelligence is equal to self awareness...

Smell what I'm steppin in?

Yeah, I think I agree, especially with the emotional awareness=self awareness. Emotional intelligence is one of the coolest topics I've learned so far, in terms of psychology type stuff. I really don't like psychology, but EI seems like a a way to manage oneself's feelings; it doesn't require extra "thinking" nor does it try to avoid pain. And I don't totally agree with Daniel Goleman so far, he seems to have more faith than me in standard psychology, and didn't give a very good explanation on how to manage anxiety in the last chapter I read. But generally I really like his ideas.

I am more into Susan Jeffers way of managing emotions.

But for sure, I'm much more into my own way of seeing EI, and how I can work it into what I do. I'm not sure if anyone I've read so far really puts it into the words that I would use. Except for fellow poster thefool, who seems to see more eye to eye with me on this.

One interesting read with some profound ideas is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It has been a while since I read the book and I agree with you 100%...I have taken much of what I have read, witnessed and lived through and created a hybrid belief system that defines who I am. I am sure many, many people are out there that share similar views...I actually dated a girl for a while about six months ago that was astounded by the fact that our beliefs were so cognate...

A couple other good reads:
Rebuilding - when the Relationship Ends (Author Bruce Fisher) this offers great skills for rebuilding the inner you when a relationship ends. It is written for divorcees but I found it so good I have actually given it to friends just getting married and also those single to help them "understand before" the relationship begins.

Anything by Dr. Wayne Dyer. He speaks / writes about a source within. His material is very enlightening and offers a new perspective.

Also, Neale Donald Walsch wrote a series, Conversations with God. It makes a leap in faith based belief and offers some very intriguing perspectives about who we are, where we came from and where we are going.

Hope you can check some of these out...

Thanks Zuriel.

I've read "the power of now" and "a new earth". I really liked them, esp. for the emphasis on not "thinking too much".

I'm going to take a stab at "managing emotions". I was caught doing something stupid by a traffic cop years ago. As he walked over to the side of my car, I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest. Despite that, I was able to control myself and calmly say, "Is there a problem, officer?" even though my adrenalin had already kicked in.

It is interesting to note that most of us can "control our emotions" when we're on a first date, if we find ourselves arguing with someone bigger and stronger than us, when we're at a job interview, etc. In other words, it helps if we keep the consequences of losing our cool in mind. It is of course more difficult if we feel wronged, or if we feel we're under attack, or if our self-interests are otherwise threatened. What we have to understand is that mistakes happen. People have different priorities. When we get upset, it just usually makes things worse.

Marc_Wong wrote:I'm going to take a stab at "managing emotions". I was caught doing something stupid by a traffic cop years ago. As he walked over to the side of my car, I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest. Despite that, I was able to control myself and calmly say, "Is there a problem, officer?" even though my adrenalin had already kicked in.

It is interesting to note that most of us can "control our emotions" when we're on a first date, if we find ourselves arguing with someone bigger and stronger than us, when we're at a job interview, etc. In other words, it helps if we keep the consequences of losing our cool in mind. It is of course more difficult if we feel wronged, or if we feel we're under attack, or if our self-interests are otherwise threatened. What we have to understand is that mistakes happen. People have different priorities. When we get upset, it just usually makes things worse.

Yeah right on. Regarding your heart pounding with the traffic cop, being able to accept emotions like that and not fight them is an emotional skill, I think.

For me, emotional intelligence isn't really about "controlling" emotion, but more about not being a slave to emotions. Think about what causing a person to "lose their cool" or "lose their mind"...it's not so much that a person if feeling certain emotions, but it is more about that person's relationship with those emotions. This is why it is probably good to experience a wide range of emotions, and life experiences, so that a person can become more familiar with different emotions, and have better "relationships" with them.

It's all a matter of practice. You can also compare it to exercising. You can build strength and flexibility through exercise. If you're fit, you can handle stress, you have better endurance, and you're less prone to injury. If you exercise your emotions, you might be better at handling stressful situations, you might be able to hold it together longer, and you might be less prone to emotional injury.
In fact, do you folks know of any scientific studies that might back up or refute the concept of emotional fitness?

So you guys are saying I should try to out run the cops???

Zuriel wrote:So you guys are saying I should try to out run the cops???

Not at all. Tell your spouse you found a great emotional management exercise. Explain how you have to remain calm even when your heart is pounding. Then confess to something horrible you've done recently

Zuriel wrote:So you guys are saying I should try to out run the cops???

As long as you keep a clear head! Hahaha, j/j.

Hey dav, I think this book fits your description. It's about seven different kinds of intelligence, but I definitely think improving these intelligence will also benefit your emotional intelligence.

The name is: Multiple Intelligences: New Horizons in Theory and Practice - Howard Gardner

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_ ... elligences

I read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, but it was too academic and technical, and couldn't easily find a practical use for it.

Severijn wrote:Hey dav, I think this book fits your description. It's about seven different kinds of intelligence, but I definitely think improving these intelligence will also benefit your emotional intelligence.

The name is: Multiple Intelligences: New Horizons in Theory and Practice - Howard Gardner

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_ ... elligences

I read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, but it was too academic and technical, and couldn't easily find a practical use for it.

Ok thanks! Gardner sounds interesting, I just ordered his book. Funny, b/c I'm in grad school which I think is why I like Goleman's academic type of writing, but I know what you mean.