Help I had bad expereinces and keep getting angry

Dear Funtoangry,

Welcome to the Forum. We are certainly glad to have you, particularly since you present such an Interesting Story… the Short Version runs thusly, that Growing Up and as a Young Man you were a Virtual King of the World – Good Looking, Virile, Glib and with Money in your Pocket. Happiness was your Steady State of Mind. Then your Health turned sour for quite a long time – you became weak, stooped and ugly and lost all of your Good Time friends. Those Persons whom you did remain in contact with used you Miserably – abusing, robbing and insulting you constantly. Then, Thank God for Miracles, your Health Recovered… apparently quite Fully – you again have all the Appearance of being a Suave and Certain King of the World. Well, if my Shakespearian English serves me well, then “All is Well that ends Well”… but that doesn’t seem how it happened for you. You seem to Dwell on the memory of those Hard Times. You Fixate on every Insult that had been thrown in your Face during those Sad and Miserable Times. And you wonder WHY? Why should you even care? Isn’t that so?

My Feeling about You is that you are actually quite a Very Deep Person. And the Suffering you went through may have broadened you, enriched you, and made you a Wiser and much more Profound than you ever were before. So, in an Odd Sense your Time of Illness was perhaps the Greatest Adventure of Your Life. Getting Better is all kind of an Anti-Climax to it all, isn’t it? AND, You haven’t experienced any Closure even after all the Instances of Revenge you served upon your lowly and miserable Enemies. It is as Though You Are Still Looking for the Big Reason WHY. There you were – KING OF THE WORLD, and then Fate knocked you down and made you Sickly, Ugly and Contemptable (like the Curse of Job in the Bible), but then Fate blinked back from Night to Day and you Became Well Again. What Purpose did All of That Serve?

Well, It would take YOU to figure all of that out. But maybe you can’t get past all of the Obsessing over all of the Injustices that your lowly and disgusting Enemies served upon you. But Remember THIS, that those Little Scum Bags that bothered you during your Times of Trouble, well, They Were and Are at their Tippy Top Peek – They are as Good as they Will Ever Get.. and they ARE Little Pathetic Scumbags compared to you. They are Beneath You. They are Worlds Beneath You!

You should take a Note of the old style of English Gentleman, who would never even bother to Recognize an Insult from somebody… anybody… ‘Below Their Station’. You are too far Above your tattered and dirty Enemies to worry about them now. And why should I just talk of the English, when I can throw in a perfectly good French Story – Once Upon a Time there was this Terribly Evil Prince in France who was known as Phillip the Bad (Really!) – he already had a Sizeable Province to his Name, but he was ruthless and ambitious and so he fought and schemed for More. He became known as Phillip the Bad because he had been such a great and terrible Trouble Maker. But These were the Plague Years and it was also during the rather lethal 100 Years War, and so, totally unexpectedly, the King of France Died, but not before the Entire List of Heirs had Died also, leaving the Thrown to the one lone and last survivor – Phillip the Bad. Well, Phillip had been thought to be only of Minor Royal Status… and it was with Surprise, Amazement and some Trepidation that he was suddenly King. You know, Phillip had had SO Many Enemies, and so Everybody thought that Phillip would now use his New Position of Ultimate Power to Settle all the Scores and Crush his Enemies once and for all. But all of the Trouble Making actually just STOPPED! It was as though He Was Not the Same Person Anymore. He was actually being a Good King. So, well, People ARE Curious, and so somebody finally asked Him why Somebody who had Pursued and Provoked a 1000 Enemies before becoming King would suddenly become the Paragon of Peace and Togetherness once the Crown was On His Head. Well, Phillip said, (in French of course)”All That was when I was Phillip the Bad, but NOW I am the KING OF FRANCE”.

Mr. Funtoangry, you NEED to realize that NOW you are “the King of France”.

I am SURE you must have tried Everything, that is Everything you could think of. Have you thought of Re-Locating for a while. Take a Temporary Job in another City. Or use the Excuse of Getting Away as an Opportunity to go to Some College or University more than a Few Days Travel away from your Old Stomping Grounds and the Memories of your Hated Enemies. You Know, I am a Very Well Traveled Man, and what I have found is that GETTING ON THAT PLANE AND SEEING YOUR OLD CITY VANISH IN THE DISTANCE OR BENEATH THE CLOUDS, well, it Liberating! It is Leaving your Old Life behind and like being Born Again. A New City makes you a New Man! So, if you can’t figure out a better Plan, then, try Moving.

Let me know what you think.

I typed big reply but it says to spammy,...any ideas?

got it working in 2 posts below...

Hi interesting and fun reply there. It was many years ago this all happened, maybe been 2-5 years between all events and 0.5-2 years since revenge.

I have traveled a lot, worked many jobs etc, I prefer where i stay and home.

Its funny going of course, I was good looking, good education, decent money, master of guitar and make electronic music and well endowed...However Ive never been one to care about sex much at all so no point others to be jealous, so the insults change again to homosexual haha, it doesnt end.

Its funny I can have it all but from the outside others dont get it. I think I am on autistic scale but I dont let that be known.

I dont know why others want to mock, steal, abuse me when im down? They are bad people at core I guess and now they are gone from my life so why let them anger me today, its like they win, they anger me on day they insult me and still today so they win even bigger!!! I win the moment i cast them aside as you said.

BUt thats not my brain is it, and yes im a deep thinker, I study science, I make music, I make art etc...They were mostly simple unintelligent people.

In conclusion though I think the real thing I am asking here then in this forum is how can I remove these thoughts and people from my mind, why they always spoil my mood and day even when they long gone from my life.

I suppose rape and abuse victims often become alcholics and addicts or suicidal, that is a much more brutal thing than in my case but I guess just an example that one simply cannot forget bad things happening to them.

IT was funny my friend that i deleted from my life and facebook kept apologising to mutual friends and wanting me to be his friend again telling them that I was to forget about all his bad comments and he wont do them again...hahaha...for real? OK whe dont u try to murder me, steal my car, fcuk my 'nonexistant' wife, then ask me to forget about it and be friends again, OK? hahaa...

My cousin, ive never heard word or seen him since i beat him up apart from fact he came to my house next day with the money he was due me, but he gave me extra back!!!

Dear Funtoangry,

Oh! I am an amateur Musician! Been playing for 40 years now – Violin, Guitar, Bass, Keyboard, Saxophone… my latest Instrument is Piccolo Bass (a short scale 4 string Bass but the Strings are an Octave Higher … only half as thick as the usual strings). A lot of fun. And yes, to enjoy hours of Music Practice I think that one has to be ‘a little bit’ on the Autistic Scale.

Now, BACK to your Problem. Well, it has been ONLY about 5 years. There are some Outrages in my Own Life that had happened Decades ago, and I still think about them, once in a while, but These Things Eventually Run out of Energy.

But it Helps if you Consciously Decide to Stop Thinking about it when you DO begin thinking about it. I know that that can be difficult. Here is an Exercise you can try… When you get those Thoughts that you do not Want, start Counting to yourself up to 100 and Try not to think of anything Else. Of course, Other Thoughts will Certainly Intrude, BUT if you can Keep Counting then that means that the Thoughts have not Totally Taken Over your Mind. That happens a lot at first, and SO you have to practice (you are a Musician and so you know how Effective Practice can be). If you find that the Thoughts Stop you from Counting, well, just start the Count over from the Beginning. IF OTHER Thoughts besides the Bad Ones intrude into your Count… well, that is Okay, and you can Move On and forget the Counting, until IT happens again. Did I present that Clearly? Let me know if I should explain it all better.

Oh, and, keep in Mind that your Situation it is not All Bad. Your Old Friend… that little Scheming Devil! DOES appear to be Very Fond of you. He may Actually Mean Well, except that he must be somehow Psychologically Imbalanced. But that is HIS Problem, and you do not need to worry about it anymore. Your Cousin apparently learned his Lesson. So there IS actually Nothing for you to have to Think About. As I said Above… force yourself to Think of Something Else – Counting… or Whatever else you Decide.

Oh, and may I assume that you ARE quite popular. You must have Fans and Friends. Of course, as a Very Popular Person, people are bound to Talk About You – Guess about your sex life and all that… really None of Their Business… but as an Entertainer you DO Realize that it is in People’s Nature to Gossip BUT YOU CAN BE SURE that these Same People Honestly Don’t Care a Bit whether any of it is True or Not.

Oh! This May Be Your Problem! – That You Think that people Think About You and Care About You… that you are As Important to Them as You Are to Yourself. You need to get Beyond this way of Thinking. Yes, you may be Socially Popular, BUT, be assured, 5 minutes after you Leave the Room, people are No Longer Talking About… people are no longer even Thinking About You. With people it is “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”. So, it is like you are being ‘kind of silly’ to Care about What other People Say and Think about you, became THEY don’t really Care. The Truth is that except for your Mother, and maybe a few others in your Life, Nobody really Cares about you at all. Unless you are Seen or Mentioned, you very likely to just Vanish from people’s Minds. Just Think about All the People you Know, whom you Never think about until you see them standing there right in front of you. That is Nearly Everybody, isn’t it. Well, THAT is the Same Way they think about you! They Honestly Don’t Care.

Now, THAT may all might Sound quite Cynical… that People Don’t Care about each Other, BUT, you should be able to Look at it as Liberating. You Don’t HAVE to Worry about What People Think, because they DON’T Think… not about you, anyway. Yes, there are exceptions – a Crazy Fan might start to follow you around because they want to Date you… that type of thing, but For the Most Part, you ARE NOT THE CENTER OF ANYBODY ELSE’S WORLD. To them you are just another Guitar Player. Really.

Anyway, how was my Advice this time?

I do enjoy your posts… You ARE Popular! But 10 minutes from now I will be thinking entirely about Dinner…

funtoangry wrote:In conclusion though I think the real thing I am asking here then in this forum is how can I remove these thoughts and people from my mind,

By setting goals and getting involved in things that will occupy your mind. For instance, if you decide to pursue higher education, that requires hours of studying. You can't study and think negative thoughts at the same time. The more hours you spend focused on studying the weaker the negative memories. As you engage, you form new relationships. You can't hold a conversation with your new friends while at the same time thinking about past negatives unless that is the topic of discussion.

Bottom line, set some new goals, focus and engage your mind towards these goals and the negative thoughts will lessen until they are no longer recalled.

Richard-
Ah you hit nail on head and i forgot this myself. For last few years since graduating i have spent a lot of time unemployed and alone, both these factors contribute to overthinking. When i study something new or busy with new job or meeting new fun people the above mention thoughts if i care to think about them become laughable, i just laugh at these people rather than get angry, thats if i even think about them at all.

So as you say i need to get busy and active in life but not as easy as said but that is a solution for sure.


Leo-
Again true points, its like if i make some slight mock at someone at time being with them the joke would be on them if they were to ruminate on my comment on a daily basis year after year, it would in effect have giving me some kind of super power. And you are correct shortly after i Made the comment i would have long forgotten. Im just a very 'stubborn?' person, sensitive person? I always had/have respect until I got ill, so it made me so angry as i know these comments etc would not happen so that make me angry as i feel these comments not actually made at me but an ill version of me, and i couldnt fight back or stand up for myself as i was ill, so that what make me so mad.

Imagine u broke your legs and arms and these bullies kept pulling your hair and slapping you and you couldnt fight back, then for 1 year you were still recovering and kept thinking about these bullies, then after 1 year your arms and legs were in full recovery now. You can imagine the rage you have held towards these cowards abusing you in your disadvantageous situation, the whole year you were in recovery you would be planning your revenge. But then when you recovered you got your revenge BUT still it didnt complete you, you still felt the pain and anger of these low lifes.

As you say though they dont care, they to busy doing other things. Point is at the moment someone mocks you I would fight back at that moment and defend myself or even leave the battle in the better favour with some witty comments so the situation would be forgotten as a good victory...>Thats why it stewed so much for me as i didnt defend myself at the time, so it was unfinished business.

Be sure now if anyone disrespects me at this instance they would get 2x as much back, then i would forget about the incident.

BUt also as you say they dont care, they do it at time to look big or w/e but then forget and move on to next thing etc.

Up to me to get busy and move on....

ps- what did you mean by my freind may be fond of me?

ALso another thing i notice is i now have key words.

I cant remember the psychological term but its '????' words...words that when you hear trigger the bad memories. There is a term for these words. Maybe it is trigger words?

For example i felt ridiculed when my cousin told me to 'get myself a wee (scottish term for small) girlfriend'' And he told me I was 'weak and insecure''.....

Now whenever I hear the words 'weak' or 'wee'...it kinda sets of an alarm on my brain and i get rage thoughts and images of my cousin.

Thats annoying..even on tv or conversation with even my mum etc haha

funtoangry wrote:....

ps- what did you mean by my freind may be fond of me?

I only meant that, as you said, he STILL wants to be your Friend. yes, he treated you very badly, when you was sick and pathetic, but now that you are back On Top of the World, well, 'he still wants to be your Friend'. it seems kind of Crazy, but there it is.

funtoangry wrote:
…Imagine u broke your legs and arms and these bullies kept pulling your hair and slapping you and you couldnt fight back, then for 1 year you were still recovering and kept thinking about these bullies, … You can imagine the rage….
…Be sure now if anyone disrespects me at this instance they would get 2x as much back, then i would forget about the incident.

Mr. Funtoangry,

Exactly how is it that I would have made the same kind of Friends you made who would Bully and Abuse me? This is what you need to ask yourself, ‘How Could You Have Made Such Horrible ‘Friends’? These were NOT Strangers who tormented you. These were the Society that you Kept and Maintained. If it was a Hell, well, it was a Hell that you created for yourself, wasn’t it? You must Know People who REFUSED to Socialize with You and the Company you were Keeping. What was it that you Thought of Such People who you must have known was avoiding You and the Company you were keeping? I am sure you did not Admire their Good Sense, but you should have. People with Good Sense don’t Make Friends of their Worst Enemies, do they? But isn’t that exactly what you did and probably still do.

Besides, as I have indicated, I have had my Moments in the Past where I could have chosen to nurse Grievances for Years. But I didn’t. I simply never Felt any great Need for ‘getting even’. It doesn’t do any GOOD, does it? How is Pride and Revenge Working for You? … If you Liked it, why are you Here Asking for Help?
What is Past is Past. If Bad Stuff happens, well I learn my lesson and move on. If someone offends me, my Solution is to simply cut them Socially. You know what they say, “We can’t Pick our Family, but we can Pick our Friends”. That is All the Revenge I ever Need, to cut such people from my Invitation Lists, and to Socially Ignore them during accidental meetings… to look Through them instead of at them .

Oh, and Yes, Richard has given you some very good advice. You should take it.

AND you should realize that All Your Pride only Makes Your Life far more Difficult than it really needs to be. Yes, Pride can be Helpful, when Pride in Self spurs us to Greater Accomplishments. But Social Pride -- Expecting People to Acknowledge that You are Somehow Better Than They Are... Honestly! You Don't See the Problem in That?

Nobody Likes a Proud Person. Pride is Not a Good Social Quality. Proud People seem 'Stuck Up' and 'Superior'.. but not in a Good Way.

You Know who the Happiest People are? Do you know who the Best Liked People are? Cheerful and Easy Going People. And that Is Not You, is it? But it Could Be. You Need to Reinvent Yourself. Get Rid of what has been Hurting You, and cultivate and develop what could make you Likeable and Successful.

You are still Young and Good Looking, and you are a Musician, and so People have been letting you Slide. But as you get Older, you will only seem Nastier and more of a Brute -- People will openly Wonder what you See in Yourself that gives you So much Pride. Proud of What?, they will be asking.

In this regard, Richard's Suggestion of continuing your Education may be very Helpful. Getting Educated Friends could be very Helpful. You see, Educated People think about things Differently... mostly because they Bother to Think About what they are Doing and Why they are Doing it. Have you ever noticed that most people without Higher Educations never really ever Change the Way they behave – they Act the Same Way in Adulthood as they did when they were Children. But Educated people go about deliberately and consciously Making their Lives, and the Way they Live, Better. It would seem Obvious that Everyone should do as much… but Most People don’t realize they have the Choice. They do. You do. You could chose to be a Better and Happier Person. So, yes, Richard is right… Mixing with an Educated Crowd could be the Very Thing you Need.

Give it a Try.

ive only read your first part and i wanted to reply to that asap as its a great and valid point...I will read the rest shortly.

You are 100% CORRECT.

this 'freind' was not so much a freind...as a youth from say 4-5+ i stayed in a bad neghbourhood, many of the kids there were known as bad news, always fighting, common, rude, vulgar etc...however, i lived near them and played soccer, so we would all play, its just the way it was, they were my neghbours even though i was not really like them, better educated and better morals somewhat etc..not so common. I had other friends from school etc so not like i spent all my youth with this crowd.

this specific freind was in the group but was not really one i talked to much but then at 15/16 i moved house again and was living next door to him really. I did not like him and felt he was a bit scummy and he used to keep coming to my house to play my new video games etc as he could not afford them, i recall even then though things such as he got me to fix his pc then went out partying and didnt invite met but left me in his house to fix his pc...I never liked the guy but we had common interest in football and video games so that kept us in touch though i always try keep my distance to a point especially when at university etc....So he was always like this but i kept him somewhat away as said when he got the chance he really showed what hes all about, so i guess you could say he done me a favour, also he lives far away now so i need not see him....He was never a freind i guess.

As for my cousin as i stated above similar story, a bad news kid who i always avoided but stayed near me so i started hanging with him even though i was aware what he was all about, he just proved what i already knew.

The guys in shop insulting me, well i guess some people are just assholes right?

But the 2 main villians as u can see where never really freinds or people i would by choice assosiate with so not much loss, and why even thnk about them now you could ask? haha

I was recently in new jobs and around the uni campus and talking to fold thier, you see there are much better 'potential' freinds out there if one wants.

freinds=friends lol

read the rest and yes i was coming to that point there are better friends out there especially more educated ones. Though that doesn't always guarantee good friends I have come to learn also sadly. There are users, morons and assholes in all areas of life sadly.

Good point about revenge, i beat my cousin up but then what, i still wanted to beat him up again haha, what if i killed him would i be happy? NO, id need to go and trash his grave every day? where does it end?

Its weird psychology, its like there is no closure or end...So revenge in effect is pointless...All one can do as i done with my 'friend' is remove him from my life. Its annoying to think of bad things they done but they cant do them anymore and thats all that matters.

As for moving forward, thats another story but one that must be focused on...

Also i was the person you described, happy, easy going etc...I was proud to a point but I just wanted to have fun as i said in original post fun to angry haha.... I was always the guy lauging and joking even in lectures used to have to stop myself laughing haha...thats why i was popular or had many friends, my illness and these people changed me but i can get back to where i was and slowly am...

funtoangry wrote:
............ i stayed in a bad neghbourhood, many of the kids there were known as bad news, always fighting, common, rude, vulgar etc...however, i lived near them and played soccer, so we would all play, its just the way it was, they were my neghbours even though i was not really like them, better educated and better morals somewhat etc.......I never liked the guy but we had common interest in football and video games so that kept us in touch ....

Good Morning Mr. Funtoangry,

GOOD! Excellent! THAT is exactly what I THOUGHT had happened. "Neighborhood FRIENDS" who really aren't Friends but People we are kind of Stuck With. We DO actually have a choice, even when we are Young, and some very Bright Kids, focused on their Education and already planning their Careers, simply Shut Out the Neighborhood and refuse to be distracted by 'No Good "Friends". BUT, that is Extremely Rare. Most Young People invariably get Sucked Into the Neighborhood Crowd.

Many People even as Adults Make the Same Mistake in regards to Co-Workers. They Regard the People they work closely with, day in and day out, as their "Friends"... even the kind of People whom they would never consider Meeting Socially... that is, asking about and finding out how to arrange an Introduction so somebody that one has Heard is Smart, Clever, Interesting and Amusing -- somebody one would actually treasure having as a Friend. The People at work are just Co-workers. They are Acquaintances. When I was still Working, I was very Social and in the Evenings sometimes I would see a Co-worker in the Same Club. If they approached I would Introduce them around as "One of my Co-workers". I would never use the phrase "Friend from Work"... NOT when introducing a mere Co-Worker to my Real Friends.

Of course, you see that also. You realize that when you were Down and Out and had to take that Pizza Delivery job, that whatever your Fellow Co-workers would say was Beyond Meaningless. Co-workers are Always Out of Line when they speak Personally to a fellow Co-worker. But, they have the Neighborhood Mentality where they Think that Proximity Creates Automatic Friendship, and gives them the Right to be Familiar and Personal. Well, of course, it Certainly DOESN'T. and I am glad you pointed that out yourself.

You see, You ARE saying all the Right Things. You are Completely Aware of what your Problem is, and you have some fairly good ideas on how to handle them. Ordinarily I would Recommend Anger Management Books, but you don't seem to me to be a REALLY Angry Person. You just have this One Obsession that you find difficult to Let Go Of. Once you Fix That, well, you will be, well, pretty darn Close to Perfect.

And To Fix this Obsession, you MUST REMEMBER to DISPUTE those Thoughts. Never just Let Yourself Get Away with Thinking those Same Thoughts without Questioning Them and Doing Reality Checks On Them. I am just a tiny bit Borderline Obsessive Compulsive, and so whenever I get some Obsessive Compulsive Impulse, I immediately Put it Up on Review and Evaluate the Thought Realistically. For instance, I have a checklist for leaving the house -- pull the Plug on the Stove so the Kitties can't accidentally figure out how to turn on the Heat, and I repeat a Formulaic Phrase when I Lock the Doors and put the Keys in my Pocket. So when I get out to the Car, or even have driven a Block Away, I know to ignore the Impulse to turn around and go back Home to Check Everything... again! Oh, and sometimes I actually Leave a Mess behind because that is what Normal People sometimes do, and it is good to Practice Being a Normal Person once in a while.

Basically, you Just need to Keep Thinking. a Good Future doesn't just Happen. Happiness must be Planned for. As they used to say in the Army -- "Failure to Plan is Planning to Fail".

Well thats pretty much coverered it all now i guess haha..Not much left to say on the matter.

Thanks for your input and words of wisdom.

I guess as you say neither were real friends so nothing lost and the co-worker well, they only a temp person in my existence. Life goes on, and it goes on in good health and without these people.

BUt where does it go now? No point lingering on these thoughts we conclude and some strategies to deal with the recurrence of the thoughts.

Back to the real world of the future...Job/Study/$$$....which is for a whole other forum....These incidents must be cast aside for my mental efforts and energy to be spent where it really matters as mentioned just now.

Of course one will meet and hope to meet freinds at study and work etc, its common but again we cant choose who we meet at these places just like we cant chose our neighbours....

well thats what i mean and when i said i got angry but there is far worse out there such as your case then it makes me getting angry over silly name calling seem petty. Sounds you had a tough time, im not one to give advice but others here can i would think.

You must get horrid thoughts about these people often? Id say why should u let these thoughts go, it doesnt make sense, they hurt you its normal youd think of them and be angry about it...But then its like if u just try drop it and stop to think of them its like giving up, as if u let them hurt u, conceded that and moved on...So I see why revenge would work in theory...If you hurt them more than they hurt you then surely you would be even and can move on. Sadly that never worked for me though.

So i dont know what to say...Its like whoever commits the injustice first is the 'controlling party'....If someones steals your car, then one day you beat them up and get money back, they will always be your angry thoughts even afterwards.

Yet if you stole someones car and sold it even after they got back at you and beat you up and u gave them money due back you probably wouldnt think about them much, just be like meh...I got what i deserved

ITs kinda weird..

Then on other hand back at point for me at least, i was happy before and always happy thoughts, a good life for me, so i feel lingering on these thoughts is not good for me, we only have one life, each day we have to do as we wish, why waste it thinking of these horrible people? Wasting out thoughts, energy and time. I used to sit and play silly games like Super Mario without a care in world, yet now i can sit in same room and want to smash my baseball bat about as i get angry with these people i have not even seen like over a year ago or something.

Its silly, why cant i just play super mario and make goofy laughs again. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT AND SO SHOULD YOU...BUT THE QUESTION IS HOW?!?!

My mind is like a tape recorderer playing these horrible scenes back and back again in my mind...so annoying...