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though i play guitar and made dance music. I feel if i could make the pop/rock type of music i long to make it would fulfill me but who knows. ITs something i just cant achieve writign lyrics and chord progression, ive never managed it, i really struggle with it. And gave up ages ago. Also I enjoyed...

Also just to add same with body etc..I was always skinny and managed to gain decent muscle and look good but rahter then be proud and overly happy its like just something to tick off the list, i look in mirror and still want to get bigger but im decent size not skinny now so my goal is there or so. ...

I did not conclude my autism based only on crowds was just stating this point reference to disliking school/ceremonies etc. There seems no purpose though. My favourite things were/are music/sports and when i excel in them it doesnt bring me great joy, its just like ok i can do that now. WHen i rattl...

I have this what would seem weird issue. I believe I am on autistic spectrum. School was a doddle, I got straight As with minimal attendance..Yeh I hated the crowds and classes so truant as much as could, still aced exams though. Got all these awards, teachers and others all jealous or proud and mus...

cntd... ...I think its a safety mechanism though, it has to do this to remind us of who is a threat. Imagine if the mind switched of it would be dangerous, we would forgive everyone and get abused non stop. Its like if you are cooking food, you have to remember the oven is on or the house can go on ...

well thats what i mean and when i said i got angry but there is far worse out there such as your case then it makes me getting angry over silly name calling seem petty. Sounds you had a tough time, im not one to give advice but others here can i would think. You must get horrid thoughts about these ...

Well thats pretty much coverered it all now i guess haha..Not much left to say on the matter. Thanks for your input and words of wisdom. I guess as you say neither were real friends so nothing lost and the co-worker well, they only a temp person in my existence. Life goes on, and it goes on in good ...

read the rest and yes i was coming to that point there are better friends out there especially more educated ones. Though that doesn't always guarantee good friends I have come to learn also sadly. There are users, morons and assholes in all areas of life sadly. Good point about revenge, i beat my c...

ive only read your first part and i wanted to reply to that asap as its a great and valid point...I will read the rest shortly. You are 100% CORRECT. this 'freind' was not so much a freind...as a youth from say 4-5+ i stayed in a bad neghbourhood, many of the kids there were known as bad news, alway...

ALso another thing i notice is i now have key words. I cant remember the psychological term but its '????' words...words that when you hear trigger the bad memories. There is a term for these words. Maybe it is trigger words? For example i felt ridiculed when my cousin told me to 'get myself a wee (...

Richard- Ah you hit nail on head and i forgot this myself. For last few years since graduating i have spent a lot of time unemployed and alone, both these factors contribute to overthinking. When i study something new or busy with new job or meeting new fun people the above mention thoughts if i car...

In conclusion though I think the real thing I am asking here then in this forum is how can I remove these thoughts and people from my mind, why they always spoil my mood and day even when they long gone from my life. I suppose rape and abuse victims often become alcholics and addicts or suicidal, th...

Hi interesting and fun reply there. It was many years ago this all happened, maybe been 2-5 years between all events and 0.5-2 years since revenge. I have traveled a lot, worked many jobs etc, I prefer where i stay and home. Its funny going of course, I was good looking, good education, decent money...

I typed big reply but it says to spammy,...any ideas?

got it working in 2 posts below...

Firstly to put in to context. I was always immature fun silly guy. Though i do have high pride and bordering on arrogance. I was always popular also and not one to be mocked. Anyway I sadly got a long term illness and as a result lost a lot of weight and became very vulnerable, I looked very unattra...