I've been addicted to pornography since I was 9. It started out of curiosity, now I'm doing it everyday. I'm now 15 and I did something awful. Something so bad I don't even want to say what it is.
Tonight was a very dark night for me, and when I was done, I wanted to kill myself. I literally hit rock bottom and I couldn't control myself. I felt as if my life was over because of the hours I spent in a VERY dark world.
I've thrown up once out of nervousness, and disgust out of myself. I done nothing but cried the past few hours and I want to die. I feel like God will never forgive me, I feel like I am so sick that I don't deserve to be alive.
I'm scared that the things I've done with come back to haunt me, I'm scared that one day people will see what I've done in the dark and hate my guts for it. People would actually want me dead. I'm scared that I will get in big trouble, I don't to! I just want to go back to living life! I have so much going for me, I'm a 4.0 student, I play a lot of sports, and I have great friends. I feel like this one mistake is going to ruin all of that.
I'm so nervous and scared that my records will never disappear and that someone in the world knows what I've done, I'm terrified and have considered suicide over this. I'm truly sorry for what I've done, I can't seem to help think that anyone will ever forgive me, I really need someones assuring words right now. I need someone to help me and tell me its okay.
Sorry if my grammar or spelling is messed up, I'm really scared, nervous, and sad.