angry girlfriend,no win situation..

**Posts:** 151 · by **littlenonni** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 12:49 pm

ive been living with my b/friend for almost 2 years now with my 4 yr old daughter.were good together and he loves my girl dearly but im so annoyed that he never hardly helps with the practical side of parenthood.hes great with her in other ways but i wish he would take responsability too.ive spoke to him about this but his answer was"its just the way i am"

we were trying for another child(9months of trying) but ive changed my mind and now im back on the pill.ive told him why,and that id be left to do everything with 2 kids im not accepting that.

i get sooo angry as hes lazy too.intimicy?1 or 2 a week depending if HE feels like it.im tired of talking to him about all this sh*t but he is a good guy other than that and i love him and so does my daughter(not her real dad)

he has to live with my mood swings so am i being punished for this? hes quite a secretive person and it doesnt work with paranoid people like me! :shock:

im forever having doubts..do i really love him?will this relationship last?
i think he sees it as,ive got to accept his laziness,his selfishness sometimes and lack of responsability for everything.he has a point in some way?! any advice anyone at all?

**Posts:** 1836 · by **Annabell** » Tue Jun 07, 2005 8:21 am

Hi littlenonni

Is your bf cooperating at all on the practical side? Cleaning up and doing things like that? Or does he just think it is all your duty?

Quite a lot depends on his attitude, if he is prepared to try to learn new things you might be able to do them together...Such as when you are buying clothes for your daughter, you could ask him to come with you to help to choose the right thing.

If he has become really defensive it will not lead anywhere...He is probably sticking with his idea that he is right and you are 'nagging' so you need to take a totally different approach to things to make it work. But if he is not willing to help at all then you have a totally different problem!

Anyways...I would be interested to hear more about your situation and I hope we can help! I am sure you are not the only woman on this board who has, or has had a similar problem.

Hugs

**Posts:** 151 · by **littlenonni** » Wed Jun 08, 2005 7:25 am

hi annabelle,thanks for that:)
he does help around the house sometimes,hes a great cook also! but its when he "feels" like it,not cos he has to do it. ive tried leaving the house in a complete mess etc and eventually he will then help at tidying up! (couple of days later) he does help with choosing my girls clothes,but again as long as he doesnt need to lift a finger..

theres loads of times when i cant be bothered or dont feel like it but i have to do it cos i have responsabilitys..im trying to get that through to him without much luck

ive noticed also that certain things,im starting to get little not very nice comments in for eg;if he helps me with something,i would say thanks and he would say"thats the kinda guy i am" jokingly..and i say"yeah when you feel like it" now im starting to feel,does my life revolve around his life?will keep you posted xx

**Posts:** 3 · by **i cutt my self and bleed9** » Wed Jun 08, 2005 8:55 pm

gurl
he needs to help a little
he nos how he just doesnt know wen to do it
i no he nos how to sit on his butt and press buttons on the remote
im 13 and know how u feel

:x :evil: :roll: :!:
any :?:

**Posts:** 3 · by **i cutt my self and bleed9** » Wed Jun 08, 2005 8:58 pm

littlenonni wrote:hi annabelle,thanks for that:)
he does help around the house sometimes,hes a great cook also! but its when he "feels" like it,not cos he has to do it. ive tried leaving the house in a complete mess etc and eventually he will then help at tidying up! (couple of days later) he does help with choosing my girls clothes,but again as long as he doesnt need to lift a finger.. theres loads of times when i cant be bothered or dont feel like it but i have to do it cos i have responsabilitys..im trying to get that through to him without much luck
ive noticed also that certain things,im starting to get little not very nice comments in for eg;if he helps me with something,i would say thanks and he would say"thats the kinda guy i am" jokingly..and i say"yeah when you feel like it" now im starting to feel,does my life revolve around his life?will keep you posted xx

**Posts:** 1836 · by **Annabell** » Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:07 am

Hi Littlenonni,

I know those 'not very nice comments' - I use them too sometimes. I know what it feels like - you hate yourself for getting bitter and sarcastic but you feel that you have to get it off your chest somehow...

Anyways...I know what you mean by saying 'if he feels like it' too. Maybe it would help to make a very clear list of duties in the house. If you could sit him down and discuss these things and then make a list together and both stick to it (so that you do not do his jobs if he has forgotten). Do you think that would help?

I am not sure where you are located but BBC has got a great relationships advice site. I was also thinking that it might help you to sit down together with someone else who can listen to you both. I know counselling makes it sound like your problem is really serious but I don't think that is the case at all. It'd just mean that you'd have someone between you too just in case you cannot manage to talk constructively alone.

Anyways, here's the counselling page:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/comm_counselling.shtml

There is also a very good page here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/couples/grumbles_housework.shtml

called Housework hassles - I really think you ought to take a look at that, too!

Good luck and hugs again

**Posts:** 151 · by **littlenonni** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:53 am

hi annabel,
thanks for your advice

im going to look at those websites as im not quite further forward..i hate it if i ask him to put daughter to bed and he says hes already doing something(like pc or something)which he did last night i was fuming :evil:

and he says hes ready for another child?LOL
id love another child but there is NO way im getting left with 2 kids to look after and for him to do things when and if he feels like it!!! :evil:

alot will have to do as well that hes an only child and a mummys boy?? but im not his mummy :cry:

i dont see a future in this relationship but then i dont see an end either

oh yes and hes 28 yrs old!

**Posts:** 151 · by **littlenonni** » Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:56 am

i cutt my self and bleed9 wrote:gurl
he needs to help a little
he nos how he just doesnt know wen to do it
i no he nos how to sit on his butt and press buttons on the remote
im 13 and know how u feel

any

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