So I know this will be a mess of a story, but please bear with me.
First, I'll describe myself:
I'm a 27 old male (living in Germany) who likes to think he has everything in life he wants: a supporting family, a college education (business administration), and wonderful friends. Unfortunately, I'm severely lacking in the relationship department, as I never had a GF (pathetic, I know)
I've been best friends with the "Ed" (not his actual name ofc) (also from Germany) for about 11 years. He is one good-looking, charming dude.
We both enjoy the same things: video games, anime, going out, visiting theme parks (we're enthusiasts) among others. Lately, he's been seeing a girl (F 21, enjoys the same stuff as him). They're perfect together.
And that's where my issue arises from. I can't for the life of me shake the feeling of intense jealousy off me. I don't know if it even is jealousy (as I never experienced this situation before), but it's a weird sort of pain (perhaps akin to heartbreak, I guess?) that tends to flare up and make me feel bad. Additionally, I dislike myself for allowing it to get the better of me.
It's like every time I think about them as a couple, a scar (that I didn't even know existed) starts bleeding again and I hate myself for it. I'm over here being a crybaby, whilst I should be supporting my friend with every fiber of my body.
I can't fail him. He needs me as a friend, and I want to be there for him, but I don't want him to see me like this. That means I can't tell him about my issue, because he deserves better and I don't want to lose him.
I beg your pardon if this post sounds like 16 y/o teenager problems. It's just that I've never felt like this.