Searching for my calling

Okay Optymistyk, I will leave you with this because I'm not going to be online the next few days. I'm heading overseas for some work so will be traveling.

You have a lot of positive things going for you. Your family is supportive, even if they might also be pressuring you to finish your degree. At only age 23 you have the intelligence to come into a forum and reflect on your values and what you want to achieve. You are trying to figure things out.

My advice is to stop with the negativity. Get engaged with the volunteer work and look for the positive side of things.

Good luck.

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:

Optymistyk wrote:IT
I do not feel like studying IT makes the world any better.

Are you SERIOUSLY telling me that you are unable to see how IT has made the world a better place!?!?!? You SERIOUSLY have no clue how IT has shortened response times for police and fire departments? You have ZERO knowledge of how IT has allowed surgery to be conducted remotely? You have NO idea how IT has given children access to education in remote areas of the world?

Look, I know that you are young, but that isn't the problem here. You're just a pessimist. You don't look for the good in basically...well...anything. You want to be the rock that people can lean on, but guess what? NO ONE wants to lean on the person that pisses all over nearly every aspect in life.

You don't have to use an IT degree to work for Amazon or Google. Guess who also needs IT? The Red Cross, the World Health Organization, the UN, etc. But you think IT offers nothing. Pfffff! Ridiculous...absolutely ridiculous.

Well I really do think so... Yeah sure, the Red Cross/WHO/UN need a website, the Police needs a database... But they already have it. Someone has made all that already. They don't need more or at least I don't think they do.

Same with forums like this one, I think it's a good thing... But someone has already made it. Another forum like this would be redundant.

The remote surgery thing, I think there's possibly room for improvement, but the chances of me ever getting the chance to work on it are very low. And I'd need at least a PhD to even be considered

And let's say the Police hired me cuz they need a new database for some reason. Once I'm finished with it it's back to making android apps for corporations. And I might not get another commission like that for years, maybe never

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
Good luck.

Thanks, good luck to you too

Optymistyk wrote:If I don't resume my studies I will have to go back to work. The last work I've had was almost as horrible. I don't know if I can find anything much better.

Optymistyk, people tend to find and hook up with people like themselves. Someone who repeatedly has meltdowns whether working or studying may well meet an "ambitious woman", but they'll both be dreamers, struggling to make ends meet.

Wanting to start a family isn't too much to ask for, though. Millions of people manage to do that by mistake.

I don't know what I'm gonna do, work in a flower shop?

That would be better than constantly over-estimating your capacity for both work and study! You can make a modest living trimming flower stalks, but nothing at all waiting to be sufficiently mentally stable to work for either higher pay or a degree.

there will be about 50% less work, I think I can handle that.

There's nothing wrong with the desire for an easy, undemanding life, if that's a priority for you. I suspect it won't satisfy your father's hopes for you, but it would be a mistake to run your life according to the ambitions he has on your behalf. It's your life, not his. So far, your efforts to be what he wants you to be have led to repeated stress and nervous breakdowns. To me, pretty much anything would be better than that.

But the good news is, I'm now a volounteer for the Polish Red Cross, and to be honest I do feel excitement for the first time in many months

That is indeed good news. I urge you not to think of this as 'only' voluntary, but to give it all you've got. Who knows? It may lead naturally to the career you actually want.

Candid wrote:...

I have no problems with working in a flower shop or anywhere really, I think there's no job beneath me. But that's not where I want to end up. In the end I want to have a job that's fulfilling and satisfying, and that allows me to have a moderate standard of living.

My priority is not an "easy, undemanding life". My priority is that I want to feel useful and like I am a man. I want to know who I am. Because for real, I don't know. I ask myself everyday "who the hell are you" and I don't know. I'm an ex-student - is the best I can come up with. I feel like a background character in my own life. I'm looking for an identity and a place where I belong. I'm looking for a responsibility that extends beyond my own wants and needs

Wanting to start a family isn't too much to ask for, though. Millions of people manage to do that by mistake

It is much to ask for if you kinda struggle with attracting women in the first place

Optymistyk wrote: I've been thinking about joining the UN army

Just for your information the UN does not have an army. Essentially the UN agrees to send 'peace keepers' to some destination and then that is fulfilled by the army or armies of the countries involved ... Indeed the countries involved will push for a UN diktat to cover the actions which they wish to take ... So for instance one has the French Army & FFL (under the UN banner) presently in Mali and the DRC. This is because both Mali and the DRC are ex-French colonies.

After WW2 the vast land empires of the UK and France were ended by the newly formed UN at the behest of America who understood the fiscal hegemony it had acquired from WW1 & WW2 ... and those land empires got in it's way.

However do be aware that UN Peace Keepers are under a specific mandate agreed before they are sent, i.e what they can do and the strict 'Terms of Engagement' they are always under.

A good example was Rwanda, 1994.

As the genocide being inflicted by the Hutu continued upon the Tutsi population, the UN set up refugee camps on the Ugandan border ..... When Hutu militia factions turned up at those camps in their 'Technicals' (a pick up truck fitted with a mounted .50 cal machine gun, or anti tank/aircraft gun or small missile battery) they simply entered and started killing again.... As the UN blue helmets stood there watching. Why? Because they had no mandate to enter into that fray. By the time they did, the camps were all decimated.

As for being 'a rock' well, as a concept that is not so difficult ... To me it starts with "I do exactly what I say I will, when I said I would" . So one must mean exactly what one says. There are no excuses, there is no mind changing, there is no putting yourself first. It also helps to have much worldly experience and a really good dollop of education.

So for arguments sake, you do not to me inspire much confidence when you say "Joining the UN Army" ... That says to me

'I write/say what I assume, what fits into my present agenda which is all a day dream ... not what I know for fact and I do not bother looking for fact"

When I look at your posts, all I see is a 'list maker' thrashing about like a fish on the dock side .... Not how it works mate.

Our son is a very bright guy who is now around 30 yr old .... At 17yr old he joined an army. At 19yr old he was in Afghanistan and in combat. Like everyone else who has such experiences he doesn't talk about it very much. He knows I have a repeating dream, he told me he now has one as well... Mine is about hundreds of body parts in a well with me ..... His is about picking up body parts of children and putting them into rubbish sacks .... He left the army by age 22, went directly into university and is now a PhD, a Dr of Mathematics. He is a rock; he is a sensible, solid, dependable man.

So what I would say to you is do think about joining an armed service; air, sea or land. If you can hack it, then it would straighten you out, give you some actual self belief and build many useful qualities in you. As well as exposing you to actual adults, being adult.

Good fortune to you. Be aware that luck is the residue of hard work.

Mikhail_Drave wrote:

'I write/say what I assume, what fits into my present agenda which is all a day dream ... not what I know for fact and I do not bother looking for fact"

I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to tell me. Do you mean that I'm overthinking it and I should just go for it and join the army? And what do you mean by fact, I know for a fact what I value and that I want to do better

Optymistyk wrote:I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to tell me. [...] I know for a fact what I value and that I want to do better

Optymistyk, Mikhail_Drave put a lot of time and thought into a post pointing out why saying you want "to join the UN army" shows you've done zero research.

There does seem to be a lot of wishy-washy fantasy in your thinking right now, as well as an inability to take in anything that conflicts with your ideas about yourself and the world you live in. Of course you can't attract a woman if you don't know who you are!

Candid wrote:

Optymistyk wrote:I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to tell me. [...] I know for a fact what I value and that I want to do better

Optymistyk, Mikhail_Drave put a lot of time and thought into a post pointing out why saying you want "to join the UN army" shows you've done zero research.

There does seem to be a lot of wishy-washy fantasy in your thinking right now, as well as an inability to take in anything that conflicts with your ideas about yourself and the world you live in. Of course you can't attract a woman if you don't know who you are!

You're right I haven't done a lot of research on the UN. It was more of a loose thought than a solid plan. Everyone I know tells me I should avoid war like the plague. I just feel attracted to the UN mission of keeping peace and security.

Yes I don't know who I am and that's the problem. Unfortunately there's no pills for that. And no tutorials. That's the thing about being lost, that you don't know how to find yourself. I'm trying to find a place where I belong but can't seem to find any. The world wants me to spend my whole life doing pointless chores for money and I think I'd rather kill myself.

If you have any better ideas please do share them.

Optymistyk wrote: That's the thing about being lost, that you don't know how to find yourself. I'm trying to find a place where I belong but can't seem to find any.

Use meditation for coming to your center. Make it a daily habit. Do online searches for information on meditation benefits and different meditation practices.

For more fun explorations, YouTube search: expand consciousness

For doing something really good for yourself and for the planet, go vegan. Ideally, go raw vegan (for your health). YouTube search robertmorsend, John Rose, Raw Vegan Rising, and there are many others.

What you have written are your values and desires to be. Until you live by those values and use them in your own life you are not in a position to use them for others I would suggest. Try living by them and perhaps they will open you up to what is your future path?