Hello, I guess I'd like to start off with a little bit of background information. I'm 21 years old and I feel like I have really bad anger issues. Ever since I can remember my dad is always in a bad mood and gets mad over the smallest things, for example if my mom goes out with her friends. He comes home from work and lets out his frustrations on us, especially my mother. He does this by slamming cabinet doors, being rude when my mom tries to talk to him, having angry expressions on his face. I'm not blaming my father for my own temper, but if anger is at all hereditary I must get it from him.
I've always been a bit more angry than most, but only recently have I noticed that's it's becoming a huge issue. I've been in a relationship for a year and a half and this is where I've noticed it most. My boyfriend is a sweet man who always goes out of his way to make me happy, but instead of focusing on that I focus on the little things. For example, on Sunday he went to a family get together and did not invite me and even though I understood that he wanted to spend time with his family I was very upset. On Monday he went to a job interview and didn't tell me until he was already at the interview and I was livid. On Tuesday he didn't go to work because he had an appointment that I didn't know about and I got mad because I thought he was working the entire time and he didn't bother to text me until noon that day even though he was off. Yesterday I was furious because we planned to go to a movie at 3:40 and as I was about to leave my house at 2:00 pm he called me and said he had to go drop off paperwork at the place he was hired and that it wouldn't take long, it took him over an hour and we missed the movie. These are all examples of things that set me off. When I get in these moods I can't stop myself from being angry. It completely shows in my face and I get quiet. My boyfriend notices instantly and always asks me what's wrong and tries to do everything he can to make me laugh so that I can feel better. He has so much patience for me and as much as I tell myself that I need to stop acting that way I just can't. It ruins the entire mood and I can tell it's taking a toll on our relationship but I just don't know how to stop.
I also project my anger on my siblings, friends and coworkers. Sometimes I'll be annoyed over something stupid like the heat and I'll completely ignore my sister if she's trying to talk to me. At work if my coworkers don't do something right or do something that annoys me I will completely stop talking to them and be in a bad mood. As for my friends, I hold grudges. We've had fights in the past and I hold onto those things and it keeps me from wanting to spend time with them and tell them I don't want to see them and then I get upset when they don't invite me to their gatherings.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know how to control my anger. I realize that the things that upset me and set me off are things that people wouldn't even bat an eye at but they're the things that keep me up at night and fill me with rage, I know it sounds exaggerated but that's literally what it feels like. I know I have a support system, but I pushed all my friends away and when my boyfriend asks me what's wrong I just stay quiet. I just don't know what to do anymore.