Aging and time passing obsession

You are so articulate. Imagine being in your 60’s and feeling how much time has been wasted feeling Anxiety and depression. It’s heartbreaking. You are so young. Live for the moment and try to enjoy what each brings into your life. It’s so hard, I know.

I remember when a buddy of mine was 24, he was talking to me about how "old" he was getting and he needed to get married before it's " too late". He felt time was creeping up on him. He had never dated much and he found this needy girl who really wanted him (or needed him). I told him age was not a reason to marry someone and that he needed to find the right person for him. Today he is 54 and hobbling like an old man because his needy wife has drained him of his finances, his health, and his ability to operate with any hope for a future because he wasted it making decisions having to do with "time". He would like that time back.

Back in 2007, my dad had just finished getting his physical at 79 and was depressed to hear he should easily live into his late 80's. He didn't feel like that was any time at all. On the other hand my mom was getting ready to enter dialysis and he didn't think she had any meaningful time left. He couldn't have been more wrong. He dropped dead from a massive heart attack later that week. My mother lived another eight years.

My oldest brother was always a depressed person because he got allot of emotional mileage out of blaming others for everything he didn't do in life. He worked as a independent contractor and stock piled his money because he never did anything else. Eventually he quit and moved into the basement of my parents home when he was in his 50's. He would tell me about breaking up with a girl back in 1969 and give it the same emotional impact like it happened last week. He told me the same story his entire life. I remember it when it was new and I was six years old.

He always had a fatalistic view of living. I would call him and ask him what he's doing and he would say, " Just waiting to die." So for him time was his enemy because he just wanted it to end. He eventually got his wish and dropped dead from a massive hemorrhage because he had high blood pressure but never treated it. My poor mom found him face down in a pool of blood where he fell face first and broke his nose.

So there you have three separate examples of people who made decisions about time. The first one made a life long mistake because he thought he was running out of time, never realizing how much time he had to give. The second one was depressed about his view of limited time, not realizing death was at his door step. And the third one suffered with having too much time and waiting for it all to end.

So which one are you? Well hopefully you're none of these people. What none of them did is think about the present. None of them lived in the moment. They were all distracted by something that is never promised which is tomorrow. They let tomorrow impact their decisions, their mood, and their lack of motivation. So what did they do in that moment? They wasted it.

I'm 54 today and while I'm certain I have more years behind me than in front of me, I wouldn't trade my life with anyone younger than me. I love my life. I love what I have done with my life. And I work every day to add to that narrative. I tell my wife, kids, and grandson every day that I love them. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Yesterday tells you what you already did, but today is a clean canvas. What will you paint? Today is the same day for everyone, where you're 8 or 80. The only difference between the older ones is they have more memories than you. But all ages have the same chance to do something special with today.

24 is a number my friend. 54 is too. 84 is as well. All three of us can make a difference today. What will you do? That's my advice to you.

Hi Diego,

Sorry to hear about your worries.

I have found that anxiety thoughts can hit us at any age and about any issue. The hard bit is to step aside from the obsessing and recognise what our mind is doing. This may not make us feel better straight away but it is a good first step in dealing with the boogeyman of anxiety. An anxiety counsellor will certainly take your worries seriously and could be of help.

ATB,

Alex.

piras wrote:I panic about noticing the first signs such as wrinkles, white hair, etc and I feel they will manifest sooner than later.

Yes, worrying about your age and your appearance will soon show in your face and the manifestation of white hairs.

Ocnctymom wrote:Imagine being in your 60’s and feeling how much time has been wasted feeling Anxiety and depression.

I don't have to imagine it. I'm in my 60s and there are days when I look back and see how many Bad Decisions I made, regret things that happened, focus on everything that went wrong and how some early ambitions got trashed. Those are the days when I'm also hating the present. Naturally I also have much better days, when Being In The Now makes everything flow. We can't undo the past but if it was a bad one, reflecting on that just ruins Now... and like quietvoice says, Now is all we have.

Livetowin wrote:Today he is 54 and hobbling like an old man because his needy wife has drained him of his finances, his health, and his ability to operate with any hope for a future because he wasted it making decisions having to do with "time". He would like that time back.

Of course he would! I really like the way you worded that: making decisions having to do with "time". Under pressure of time we may or may not make an inspired decision. A state of panic activates the amygdala, and as soon as the amygdala comes on, the rational prefrontal cortex goes off.

It was Benjamin Disraeli who wrote: "Youth is a blunder; Manhood a struggle, Old Age a regret."

So Diego, you're doing no better or worse than anyone around you -- and like Cooler says, your biggest problem is letting anxiety paralyse you. If you haven't already heard of them, meditation and mindfulness would help you stay in the present and stop wasting your days fretting about them passing too quickly.