Hi all,
I moved cities, so I decided to find a new therapist.
One difference between them has made me feel confused. I'd like to hear what other therapists think about it.
Therapist #1 refused to diagnose (she would say "label") me or the family members I described. I would say "Is my mother narcissitic?", "Am I narcissitic?", "I read about Histrionic Personality Disorder and it sounds just like my mum." etc etc. Therapist #1 would reply, "Labels are distracting and damaging. Let's look at real events, and find healthier ways to respond to situations in future."
In the end I accepted and respected Therapist#1's approach.
Fast-forward to 7 years later, in a new city, and I've started seeing Therapist#2. Therapist#2 loves labels; she throws them out every which way. It seems like the more labels, the better. Having spoken to me about my life for about 40 minutes, she says to me "Your parents are love addicted; your parents are co-dependent".
And, she uses lots of hand gestures while she's making these diagnoses.
She doesn't check in with me to make sure we agree on the meanings of these labels. She just assumes I am able to read her mind.
When I calmly asked for reasons that she used those particular words, she immediately looked down at her notes and read aloud from her own notes from our session. I couldn't see the link between her words and the diagnoses.
I sensed that I would be "letting her down" if I asked any more questions, and I let it go. (incidentially, prioritising other people's needs over my own is a common, dysfunctional behaviour pattern for codependents!).
But let's not get off-topic.
Should therapists diagnose their patients' family members (whom they've never met)?
Are labels (diagnoses) helpful? Or... limiting and destructive?
What do all the practitioners out there think? Thank you.