Realisation- finally

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Sat Jan 01, 2022 10:13 am

Morning all - happy new year and best wishes to all on the forum for 2022.

Been ages since I posted and the reason is because once again Ive fallen back into that old lifestyle. The last two years have been tough for everyone but the extra time at home and working at home enabled me to smoke constantly, consumption has never been higher and I can easily smoke two to three bags a week. Weirdly enough despite this I’ve had a successful year professionally, got my best ever work appraisal but it’s been one big haze, my short term memory is all over the place and I’ve not been ‘in the room’ when it comes to family stuff etc. chores get overlooked and laziness has been the modus operandi. My health has suffered both physically and mentally.

Have now not smoked since Xmas Eve and picking up the forum again I read a post from wakinglife that really hit home… wakinglife stated that they kept believing they could return to moderate use but EVERY TIME. It ends up in the same result and for me each time I do this (with the same result as wakinglife) it feels like I’ve got worse each time ie consumption even higher. Need to focus that if I do get these thoughts about moderate use that it will inevitably lead to what it does each and every time I do it - constant 24/7 usage.

My mum is a recovering alcoholic and she has a saying that ‘one is to many and 20 isn’t enough’ and that definitely applies to me also.

I’ve got positive thoughts about 2022 and I really need to remember I can’t do moderate use no matter how much I want to it’s just simply not possible and that one toke can lead to a thousand more times and ending back up at rock bottom once again!

Thanks all and once again best wishes for 2022.

**Posts:** 1503 · by **wakinglife** » Sat Jan 01, 2022 8:38 pm

Welcome back, Steven!

I want to thank you for your post. It is essential to the value of this forum that we have people like you sharing REAL experiences. It's easy enough for people to post about how much quitting sucks, or how great they feel now that they've quit. But honestly, as a long term weed abstainer, it's posts like yours that really drive the point home.

Thanks for your honesty, courage and vulnerability: you've noticed that you go back to smoking daily (after attempting moderation). This is hard-earned wisdom, my friend! It sounds like although some things are going well (career evaluation, for one), that there are areas that you are yearning for a change.

You made it back here. You're reading, posting, contemplating. Now it's up to you what 2022 will have in store. You deserve the kind of life you dream of. Apply that wisdom you've gained and I look forward to reading about the positive changes that come your way.

WL

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Mon Jan 03, 2022 9:40 pm

Evening all,

Firstly thank you waking life for your reply and kind feedback.

Been thinking a lot about how I feel I am two people. The stoned me and the sober me. The stoned me isn’t motivated, avoids chores and being proactive in helping out around the house - everything is a mission and the bare minimum is done and everything is left to the last minute.

The normal me is more engaging with people and gets on with life admin and tasks. I was reminded of this tonight when I finally took the initiative to cook my son some seafood pasta, sad that I’ve had the ingredients in the freezer for over a month but simply could not be bothered to cook it, took the easy option every time. My son loved it and it was super easy to cook as well!

Also felt I can get closer to my kids and wife as when I’m smoking I try not to get to close to them as don’t want them to smell the smoke on me.

Hope everyone has a great rest of the week.

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Sat Jan 08, 2022 6:59 pm

Evening all hope everyone having a pleasant weekend! Been feeling very lethargic today, not sure why but did have poor nights sleep which has been rare (thankfully) since I’ve stopped smoking since Xmas day. Got golf tomorrow which I am excited about as know when clear headed and clean I play better!

Gonna get in the bath and drink some cranberry juice and fingers crossed get a proper nights Kip.

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Tue Jan 11, 2022 8:12 am

Feeling nice and rested after good nights sleep albeit with interesting dreams.

Have been using an e cigarette since quitting, and today have thrown them away as I havve been hitting it very hard so expect a few tough days as the nicotine leaves me.

Wondering if anyone has used any CBD a products whilst quitting? Apparently it doesn’t have THC but wondering if it helps or it’s counter productive?

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Sun Jan 16, 2022 9:54 am

Been very up and down this week. Been lethargic, depressed, irritable and sleep not been nice - vivid dreams and slight sweats.

I’m putting this down to the fact I am now also quitting nicotine. I stoped smoking spliffs on Xmas day (present to myself!) and got a nicotine vape pen (which I found tough to put down - very addictive!) but haven’t used that now for 6 days so putting this week down to nicotine withdrawal.

Hope you all have a nice Sunday and be present and productive!

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Tue Jan 18, 2022 7:57 am

Have had few restless nights sleep, heavy sweats and vivid dreams. Seems like I sleep heavily, wake up then light sleep till the alarm goes off. Last night I started a 10 week fitness programme (Caroline givan on YouTube) and had hot bath after and left the windows of room wide open and didn’t sweat although sleep not great. I’m getting me head down earlier (about 1030) instead of the 1130 -1200 and totally off my rocker when using. In office today which is great and will do workout and hot bath again so hopefully getting my sleep patterns back in order.

**Posts:** 15 · by **Satbal82** » Thu Jan 20, 2022 1:55 pm

Hope it's going well mate. Hope the workout program is keeping u busy and destressing you. Do u have any tips u have in the evening or a certain routine you follow as I find this part the trickiest

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Thu Jan 20, 2022 2:03 pm

Satbal82 wrote:Hope it's going well mate. Hope the workout program is keeping u busy and destressing you. Do u have any tips u have in the evening or a certain routine you follow as I find this part the trickiest

Hi mate what’s working for me at the moment and when I started was to have really hot bath and box set binge. Exercise is also helping and I would also recommend some stretching or yoga (YouTube has loads of beginner videos) initially I also got a vape pen (nicotine) and just chugged away on that and that helped with one side of the cravings. Now put that down which was easier considering I had no tobacco for the previous two or three weeks.

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Mon Jan 24, 2022 9:38 pm

Hope everyone is doing well.

Nearly a month now and despite having sleeping issues the last week I’m feeling better. Played golf yesterday and was so much more consistent and lot of the lads commented on how my eyes looked clearer, my teeth cleaner and skin not haggard! Pleased to hear that, I’ve also decided to not drink anymore and after in the bar I still had fun despite not drinking.

Fitness class is coming along well, feeling naturally tired and more calmer over all.

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Wed Jan 26, 2022 9:19 am

Am pleased to pass the month clean mark!

Always got paranoid and beat myself up about being busted at work or when driving but guess by now my system is clean and in theory would pass a drug test?

**Posts:** 15 · by **Satbal82** » Wed Jan 26, 2022 2:14 pm

Amazing work mate. One month is a massive milestone and I'm positive your too far down the road to go back. Keep going. Are you having any PAWS and how are you dealing with them at the moment.

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Sun Feb 06, 2022 8:13 am

Hi - does anyone have any tips for sleep issues?? Everything else is fine, am happy with how things are but I’m struggling with sleep. Basically what happens is that I have no problem in getting to sleep but seems that I have dreams where I think I’m awake but I’m not actually asleep? Just end up tossing and turning whilst still sort of dreaming. If I wake up I’m not fully awake? This has been happening for about two weeks now.

Any tips or guidance would be appreciated!

**Posts:** 3014 · by **tokeless** » Sun Feb 06, 2022 9:00 am

When I can't stay asleep I just get up. Depending on how early it is, I can either get the dog out early doors or read and see if I can get heavy eyes again. There are no fixes for some things, so we just have to adapt to them and hope they change for the better. Embrace the fact you're drug free and have succeeded in that goal.

**Posts:** 261 · by **Stevenpearce** » Tue Feb 22, 2022 12:49 pm

Anyone else feel super sensitive to caffeine once they have quit? I’m nearly at two months now and probably for last 14 - 21 days have been sleeping badly. No problems getting to sleep just wake up and am in a dream state but can’t get back to sleep?

Today I’ve just had one coffee and thinking I may have over done it recently. I guess I could easily have ten plus cups of tea and coffee per day??

Realisation- finally

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