No0ne wrote: It's more like a need, constant thinking about somebody that leads to wanting that person more and more(In a way of talking and being with that person). And I just hate those thoughts. I can't feel peace when I am "in love" .
I'm not sure what could I be avoiding.
I think I phrased it wrong. Let me try again.
At 19 you have strong chemicals, oxytocin/cortisol, testosterone/estrogen, as well as dopamine/serotonin, that release to regulate "love". You are at an age for mating. When you encounter a potential mate your body is being flooded with feel-good chemicals such as oxytocin. As you continue to think about them in a positive way more oxytocin is released. And if they don't respond to your messages you feel pain and stress, cortisol released into your body.
What I meant by avoiding, is that for the above cycle to take place you must have plenty of free time available for your thoughts. If your mind was forced to focus on other goals the ability to reinforce the "love" chemicals would be more difficult.
Imagine being a nurse working in the emergency room during a pandemic. You might find a coworker attractive and even be in a relationship, but you must focus on your patients. You work long shifts, people depend on you, there is no time to "obsess". You might get 4-5 hours of sleep and as soon as you wake your mind is on your patients. Your mind is active with your goals as a nurse, there is too much to do in your profession, so there is just no way to get addicted to the feel-good chemicals thinking about this coworker.
Now imagine a student taking online classes. Even when in class they can allow their mind to drift, they can check their cell phone, they can lose focus and imagine being with a romantic interest. The body releases yet more oxytocin. The student is comfortable, sleeping as many hours as they want, safe in their home during a pandemic. They read and work on classes just enough to get "good enough" grades to stay in university. When they wake the first thing they think about is the romantic interest, not the classes they need to take. Oxytocin is released. They go to eat breakfast and check their phone to see a message from the person they like, more oxytocin is released.
Last, imagine a student taking online classes, but the student is also starting a business, volunteers in his or her community, is a member of a sports league, is growing a garden in the backyard, and is active in an online gaming community. The student has so many goals they are trying to achieve that obsessing about a romantic interest means sacrificing other goals, sacrificing other things they are wanting to accomplish.
The point, if you have time to obsess, what are you sacrificing? What goals are you not pursuing? What activities or pursuits in life are you missing out on?