boyfriend's depression, pushed me away

**Posts:** 1 · by **jessboeh** » Sat Sep 30, 2017 2:34 pm

I had been seeing someone for about four months. He told me he loved me, planned a future with me, told me what a positive influence I am in his life, and how I have changed him for the better. Two months before we met, one of his best friends had committed suicide. I was worried when we first started dating about how fast things were moving, but I fell in love so deeply with him, I figured it must just be fate. A week after the six month anniversary of his friend's death, he pulled away. After two days of minimal texts, I asked him what was wrong. He then proceeded to break up with me over text, take back that he loved me, and told me he needed to make himself happy.
I know what a positive influence I was in his life. I know that everything we had was very real. I am absolutely heartbroken right now. I refuse to text him because I don't want to beg for his love and attention. I am trying to give him his space but I am slowly falling into my own depression now. I need to know if he will come back. When we were together he would have days where he would be so sad, and I would hold him while he cried. I don't understand how he changed his mind about our relationship in a day.
Do I reach out, do I wait, will he even come back...
I am in desperate need of advice.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Sat Sep 30, 2017 4:46 pm

jessboeh wrote: I know that everything we had was very real.

You know? It is a fact, unquestionable, the absolute, undeniable truth?

I recommend you check your facts. His behaviors alone should be a very, very, very strong indication that at least some of what you "know" just ain't so. Some of the "everything" wasn't real.

I don't understand how he changed his mind about our relationship in a day.

This is a good place to start. Do you truly believe he changed his mind in a single day? Or is it much, much more likely that over a much longer period of time he struggled off and on with the degree he really wanted to be with you?

Have you ever woke up one day and changed your mind about a relationship of several months? Or have you mulled it over for a week or two?

The above is notwithstanding some major catalyst such as domestic abuse.

Do I reach out, do I wait, will he even come back...
I am in desperate need of advice.

You absolutely do not reach out. Why be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? Why be with someone that may or not want to be with you depending on their mood of the month? Why be with a fair weather partner, that discards you when they are down and will only want you when they are up (or vice versa)?

Besides checking what you thought you knew to be real, I would suggest why....what is it about you that makes you want to be with a person that will say they love you and then discard you?

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sun Oct 01, 2017 4:44 pm

What's your gut instinct telling you? Your feelings never lie.

**Posts:** 47 · by **Leah09** » Mon Oct 02, 2017 6:32 pm

Hey there,
Something similar happened to me and I was in your boyfriends situation.
I almost broke up with my boyfriend because my anxiety and depression were at an all time low. I knew I loved him but the depression made me so numb I couldn’t feel it and the anxiety made it worse to the point where I thought I had to end things to set him free. But he wouldn’t go. And I’m glad he didn’t cause I’m starting to come out of that now after a month and a bit. I know it may be hard to do but if you really love this man stay by him. He will try and push you away but in his mind he’s doing it to set you free because he Dosent want to burden. That’s what my situation was anyway and a lot of people with depression push loved ones away because they feel like a burden. Please don’t give up on him it will be hard but you will get through it. Hope everything works out well x

boyfriend's depression, pushed me away

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