Carla2016 wrote:Hi Leo....
… AM [Anger Management] books make me angry actually, they force you to suppress anger which is wrong as it kills you inside
Carla! Really! I’m surprised at you. You will please have to tell me how you even know that ‘suppressing anger kills you inside’. To KNOW something like that you would have to had Suppressed Anger, and In Order to Suppress Anger, long enough to KNOW anything about it, you would have had to Search Inside and Found Other Less Hostile Motivations then the kinds that Propel and Energize Angry People… the kind of Motivations you seem to thrive on.
There are Millions of People in the World who NEVER GET ANGRY, and walk around laughing and smiling. Is THAT what you mean by DEAD INSIDE? Are you More Alive than Happy and Content People?
Carla, maybe we didn’t go into discussing your Motivations, so let’s discuss them Now. You seem to seek out Confrontation. You appear to enjoy the Drama of fighting and arguing with People. Yes, given that YOU only feel alive when you are Battling, Fighting and Pushing Yourself Forward, I can see how Peace and Quiet would seem like Death to you.
Look at how you describe yourself now – Miserable in your Loneliness. Well, I myself am currently ‘Between Jobs’ and I’ve Never Been Happier! I guess that is the Difference between us. I would get Angry… mostly because I have way too much Pride and that makes one far too susceptible to Insult and feeling Slighted… and Shame on Me for it! BUT I NEVER Enjoyed It! I never ‘felt Dead’ because I couldn’t Face People Down and Stamp My Feet and Insist on Always having My Own Way. To me, Peace and Quiet and a Friendly and Polite Society is a pure Delight. In that Beautiful World of Sunlight and Contentment, well, DRAMA is the Worst of Dark Clouds. But all the Drama Queens of the World don’t realize what a Scourge they are for everybody else.
Oh, and in regards to your Repulsion to Anger Management Books… well, think about it? You must have heard about DENIAL. What these Anger Management Books are Telling You is that YOUR ENTIRE WAY OF LIVING AND THINKING ABOUT LIFE IS WRONG, and you don’t like THAT IDEA in the least. The Anger Management Books are an Actual Threat to the Survival of your Overly Dramatic and Confrontational Persona – that Person You See Yourself As. The Death you Speak of is the Death of that Angry Persona. BUT, the Persona you Developed as a Child and which you retained by sheer force of Habit, well, that Persona IS NOT the ONLY Type of Persona available to You, that is YOU as a Pure Soul. You could Develop a New Persona… a Better Designed Persona. Really good Actors, Performers and, yes, Con-Artists do it all the time. Nobody is STUCK with Being Themselves! You Do Not Have to be YOU… that is, if there is something Wrong with your Persona, well, Change It… and if the Entire Persona is Fundamentally Off, well, Scrap the Whole Thing and Re-Make Yourself from Scratch!
It is Rare, but there have been instances recorded in the annals of Psychology where in certain Cases entirely dysfunctional Personas dropped away and New Personalities emerged. Usually Schizophrenia doesn’t have such a Happy Ending, but in the few Cases where a Capable and Functioning Persona took over from a Morbidly Dysfunctional Persona, it is hard to argue with Success.
A better more practical example would be all those Small Town Provincial People, who wanted a Better Life then what the Farm and the Small Towns could offer and went to the Big Cities and Re-Made Themselves – They developed Cultured Accents, practiced Good Manners until they became Second Nature, and observed Cultured Society very closely and Virtually Absorbed it into Themselves. As it often happened, such people would be ‘discovered’ and confronted with their Past… and what they would Reply was often almost universally consistent: “I am Not that Person Anymore”.
Carla, you really should think of Trading in your Self and getting a New One. Seriously.
If you Remain the Way you Are, well, we simply can’t help you.