how do I deal with the guilt of childhood sexual mistakes

**Posts:** 3 · by **lucilees_lullub** » Sat Feb 05, 2022 9:07 am

I'm a 21(f) now, when I was younger I made my brother who was 5 years younger than me touch me innapropriately, it was only touching my boobs but it happened more than once when I was 12, I grew up extremely sheltered and in an abusive, neglectful household, my parents weren't around enough to tell me what I was doing was wrong or why it was, I didn't know how wrong it was at the time and once I realized I immediately stopped. It only happened a few times but I still feel immense guilt over it, especially since I was raped a few years later. Even more now since my brother has developed a mind altering disorder than I can't do anything about. I know it was a multitude of factors that could have caused this since we've both had our fair share of trauma(witnessing assault, domestic abuse and violence, poor living conditions, bullying, isolation, etc) but I can't help but feel even more guilt over this. He says he remembered and forgives me and that we were just kids when it happened, we didn't know any better but the voices(alters?) in his head say otherwise, I desperately wish I could turn back time and know better, know what I was doing was wrong because I genuinely didn't know any better. I was supposed to protect him and I failed.

I've never felt sexual attraction for him, nor have I hurt anyone else, once I realized what I was doing I stopped entirely and never once in these past years have I stopped feeling guilty.

Lately, he's seeing a doctor and she's helping him work through his trauma, he tells me he's going to need to tell our parents and confront all of us on every mistake we've made, but I'm scared of how my family will see me after. I've only just fixed my relationship with my mom and I don't want to lose that, I don't want her to stop trusting me but I also just want my brother to get better. I'm terrified because I don't want her to see me as a pedophile or a sexual abuser because I don't think I was, I'm disgusted by what I did, I regret it horribly. I wish I could take it back so much I can't live with myself sometimes.

As scared as I am, it will come to light soon and.. just how do I confess to my mom what I did? Will she ever see me as her daughter again? Or will she disown me and want nothing to do with me ever again?

And again this isnt to seek pity I just, I want to know what I can do besides seeking counsel(which I am, COVID has just made it hard to get) to help, or deal with this situation. Whatever happens I just want my brother to get better but I'm scared of losing what little I have left, even if I may as well deserve it.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Sat Feb 05, 2022 2:17 pm

lucilees_lullub wrote:…it was only touching my boobs…when I was 12,

That does not qualify as a sexual mistake.

It is amazing how we are a species capable of turning almost anything into something we are supposed to “feel guilty” about. It’s a shame really.

You can disagree with me. You can say it was “sexual” because that is what you have chosen to believe. You’re wrong. But hey, who am I?

In fact, for some people sucking toes is sexual. So I’m sure there is some 21 year old obsessing over the guilt she has for her brother sucking her toes when she was 12. Should she feel guilty? And if so, should it be such massive guilt that the brother requires therapy?

Or should we live in a world where the sister says, “When I was 12 and you sucked my toes, that was a bit weird huh?” and the brother acknowledges saying, “Yep, kids do the weirdest things.” And then life moves on, right?

But no. You want to make a huge deal out of boob touching at age 12. You want to turn it into somethIng sexual when it obviously wasn’t. That is on you. And that is what you should feel guilty about. You shouldn’t feel guilty about what happened at age 12. You should feel guilty for what you are now doing at age 21, trying to turn it into a story of a “sexual mistake” when it clearly was not.

**Posts:** 3 · by **lucilees_lullub** » Sun Feb 06, 2022 5:58 am

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:
lucilees_lullub wrote:…it was only touching my boobs…when I was 12,

That does not qualify as a sexual mistake.

It is amazing how we are a species capable of turning almost anything into something we are supposed to “feel guilty” about. It’s a shame really.

You can disagree with me. You can say it was “sexual” because that is what you have chosen to believe. You’re wrong. But hey, who am I?

In fact, for some people sucking toes is sexual. So I’m sure there is some 21 year old obsessing over the guilt she has for her brother sucking her toes when she was 12. Should she feel guilty? And if so, should it be such massive guilt that the brother requires therapy?

Or should we live in a world where the sister says, “When I was 12 and you sucked my toes, that was a bit weird huh?” and the brother acknowledges saying, “Yep, kids do the weirdest things.” And then life moves on, right?

But no. You want to make a huge deal out of boob touching at age 12. You want to turn it into somethIng sexual when it obviously wasn’t. That is on you. And that is what you should feel guilty about. You shouldn’t feel guilty about what happened at age 12. You should feel guilty for what you are now doing at age 21, trying to turn it into a story of a “sexual mistake” when it clearly was not.

I'm sorry.. I suppose you're right but I don't know, I wasn't trying to do something sexual but if I caused his full on reality distorting disorder with letting him fondle my boobs a few times(should have used that instead of touching since it was mainly just that,) in our shared shitty childhood then I don't know what to do or think. I know maybe it could have just been the other trauma stacked onto that but.. I still feel sick and guilty even though he says he forgave me a long time ago and we were just kids. I still wish I hadn't done this.

I just don't want my parents, namely my mom to see me as a monster over something I did as a child out of ignorance, I was a stupid kid taking care of another and.. I just don't know. Is there any way to move on from this?

**Posts:** 3014 · by **tokeless** » Sun Feb 06, 2022 7:46 am

If you think about what would have traumatized your brother to the point where he is needing help from a doctor... touching your boob, versus trauma(witnessing assault, domestic abuse and violence, poor living conditions, bullying, isolation, then it's way more likely if not certainty it was the latter... nobody can turn back time, that moment has gone forever. How do you move on? You accept what you did was unintentional, it wasn't that big a deal and your brother needs you now, not then. Support him and do it because he's your brother, not because you feel guilty. It's done
.... or you can stay fixed to the past because you choose to.

**Posts:** 3 · by **lucilees_lullub** » Sun Feb 06, 2022 11:21 am

tokeless wrote:If you think about what would have traumatized your brother to the point where he is needing help from a doctor... touching your boob, versus trauma(witnessing assault, domestic abuse and violence, poor living conditions, bullying, isolation, then it's way more likely if not certainty it was the latter... nobody can turn back time, that moment has gone forever. How do you move on? You accept what you did was unintentional, it wasn't that big a deal and your brother needs you now, not then. Support him and do it because he's your brother, not because you feel guilty. It's done
.... or you can stay fixed to the past because you choose to.

I understand. I'll try to support him the best I can in this time then.. and try to move on. Thank you.

how do I deal with the guilt of childhood sexual mistakes

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