Quick to snap

Hi Bree,

You say you sometimes get upset over small things, and that's where the language that we use with ourselves becomes extremely important. Instead of saying things to yourself like, "oh good grief STOP IT!" instead say, "I would prefer that it be this way.."

This may seem like a subtle difference but really it is a softer, more accepting stance toward things and really does help to stay calm and on an even keel. Like for instance say you're in a traffic jam and you say to yourself, "Oh my goodness.. will you cars MOVE IT!" This is likely to get you all in a state and get the blood pressure up. Whereas if instead you say to yourself, "well I would obviously prefer that this not be happening right now but it is what it is so.. oh well, what can do to make the best of it?"

lustlegacy wrote:My name is Bree. I'm a 19 year old university student.
I'm generally an extremely laid back person; described as easy going and enjoyable to be around.
But since my early teens, I've been very quick to anger. I get extremely angry at minimal things and I'm quick to get violent. I'm realising that it's getting to the point where I'm becoming a threat to my friends, family, and pets.
It takes miniscule things to trigger me. In recent years I've begun to start hitting walls and yelling in response to small things…
Thank you

Dear Bree,

Yes, yours is a classic and quite typical case, and it is exactly the kind of thing we are here for, so let’s get started.

First let’s look at some possible variables that you might not have mentioned, so let me ask a few questions. Are there things you get angry about when with other people, that you wouldn’t fuss about if you were alone? I noticed when I was a university student that I apparently had to make some kind of a show for other people whenever anything went bad, but if presented with bad news when I was alone, I would take it quite calmly. Well, I was being something of what they call a ‘drama queen’. Not everyone who gets angry does it just to get the attention of their ‘audience’, but if this is one of the factors in your angry displays, well, put it on your ‘List’, and we can work on it sometime.

Also, I suspect you are under a lot of tension. Others here will ask you if you have been eating and sleeping well and all about whether you have been watching your general health, substance abuse and all of that. So I might as well save some time and ask you first. But, primarily, if you are all wound up, tired, overstrung and nervous, well, we can be likely to suspect that you might ‘snap’ every now and then, right? Yes, you are a University Student and I remember what it is like. You just can’t walk away from all the hassles, can you? But you must learn to recognize when you are getting all stressed out, and then you must take a minute… yes, it only takes a minute… to get up, take a few deep breaths and literally ‘shake it off’ – shake out your hands and shake your head a bit, and exhale out and make that funny noise people make when they are ‘shaking it out’. It really will ‘mellow you out’ for the next half an hour or so. Never just keep working on through when you know that you are all wound up. For instance, working with stubborn little Lab Animals. When you feel yourself getting frustrated, well, just do a quick few breaths and a ‘shake off’ before continuing and you will keep yourself and the little creatures out of trouble.

Well, it may seem like a silly question to some, but it really isn’t and that is How can you tell that you are getting stressed out? You might not have very good sensitivity as to what your body is all about – your feelings and stress levels. Good body awareness is an Adult thing it seems. I know that when I was a University Student, I was hardly aware of my Body. I would be wearing my shoes all day and only take them off to go to sleep, and sometimes not even then. Finally my friends asked me, “Aren’t those shoes uncomfortable after a while”. Well, of course they were, but I was too, well, ‘unawares’ to notice. So I learned and you must learn to pay more attention to what your body is trying to tell you.

(Here’s a little trick to try. I learned it in Yoga. Tap yourself significantly between your eyebrows. Let that feeling go back into your head. Now feel that pressure sensation come back over the top of your pallet, that is, the roof of your mouth, and go to that Swivel Point on top of your spine. Swivel your head so you know what I am talking about. Now take a minute or two to let the Pressure Sensation focus down. It will start big, about the size of a golf ball or Brussel sprout, but you want to focus it down to about the size of a pea and then you might feel it oscillating at about the speed of your heartbeat. Now, as my Guru would say, “The Gate is Open”, you let that Pressure Sensation drop down into the body. It will be almost like a light (if you dream it, then it will manifest as actual light), you will see it in your minds eye. Let it go everywhere in the body. Direct it with your attention all over the place. There. Done. You will now, for the rest of your life, have much better body awareness… you’ll be aware of the Body’s Energies. Oh, it also helps with the Singing Voice, as you can ‘feel’ the shape of the sound waves and their resonance patterns).

Anyway, stress is easy to spot once you know what to look for. Do you clench your muscles or grind your teeth. Do you swear or think of swearing. Anytime you say or even think a Swear Word it is time to take a few breaths and shake it off.

Oh, I must leave you now, but let me leave you with a few book recommendations (standard procedure, really):

Book Recommendations:

All the personal skills required for successful Anger Management, well, they cannot be learned overnight. Of course, you can go to a Therapist, but even I have gone to therapists and the first thing they do is recommend that you read Anger Management self help books. It easy to understand why. If you do some daily reading of anger issue books… making it something of a ritual behavior, then it helps you to always stay aware of your potential problems with anger. Ordinarily we might do some intensive work on ourselves in regards to our anger issues immediately after we have had some serious episode, but then as time passes, we begin to forget that we have a problem, that is, until we explode again. So we need to keep Anger at the forefront of our attention, or at least to the extent that we have some daily reminder for ourselves that we must keep up our guard and maintain all of the good practices that we had learned.

Of course, you could find your own books. Go on line and just buy the ones with reviews that seem to show that the books would appeal to you. But I have a few suggestions of my own. One book I recommend, because I found I had given it a splendid review on that Big On Line Merchandizer’s Website is “Angry All The Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control” by Ronald Potter-Efron (my review is on the 3rd page of the 5 Stars). I had said that it is the one book most likely to bring anybody back ‘from the edge’. Also, check out “Rage” by Ronald Potter-Efron (the same author as the previous book). I think it is the best book on the subject of extreme rage. Then there is a book about Cognitive Behavior Therapy. The premise behind cognitive behavior therapy is that when people are angry or depressed because of their negative thinking, well, it makes the most sense to address the problem by addressing the Thinking behind the problem. No, there is no churning up the past and talking about Mother and Childhood – all that is ancient history. The Idea is to simply learn how to turn off the negative thinking, or learn to think of something else instead. It also involves reevaluating your thinking in regards to whether you have been nurturing misconceptions or exaggerating generalizations. Anyway, the name of that book is “Cognitive and Dialectical Therapy Unleashed”, by James Ashley. It’s a good book and very affordable. And finally there is one book that is a bit of a favorite of mine: “Anger Management” by Peter Favaro, in that it seems to be more complete and organized than a lot of the other books.
Anyway, until your books arrive, or you go to the local bookstore and buy some, you should look over these pages. Especially, you should look at some of my posts here. I am relatively new here and so my catalog of posts is not all that extensive, and I have dealt with problems not unlike your own, using the knowledge that I have distilled from all of my reading, and also from my own experiences of dealing with my own anger issues. Good luck, hope to hear from you soon.

lustlegacy wrote:My name is Bree. I'm a 19 year old university student.
I'm general an extremely laid back person; described as easy going and enjoyable to be around.
But since my early teens, I've been very quick to anger. I get extremely angry at minimal things and I'm quick to get violent. I'm realising that it's getting to the point where I'm becoming a threat to my friends, family, and pets.
It takes miniscule things to trigger me. In recent years I've begun to start hitting walls and yelling in response to small things(aka losing in a video game).
I was giving my pet rats extra food the other day and one tried to leave the cage, I pushed him into the cage multiple times. He kept trying to crawl out and I became very irritated and smacked him back into the cage, causing him to slam into the wall of the cage very hard.
I've been known to deal with emotions myself and force them down to avoid them- part of the reason I'm assuming my reaction is so unhealthy now as it is.
If you have any suggestions at all on how to curb my intense reactions to small things or advice or anything, honestly. I'm scared at the point it's reached.
Thank you

Hi, Bree.

I can be quick to anger as well, and sometimes my reactions make my pets victims. In some cases, I believe I was struggling with other personal issues, and in a search of relief, I subconsciously sought an outlet for my frustration, whether it was picking a fight with a parent, sibling, teacher, friend, pet, or other. For me, I think it was also a control thing. I thought I could train some classical conditioning into the beings around me, from each driver on the road ("That'll TEACH them not to x, y or z next time.") to a pet ("Well, I bet Spot won't do that again next time I'm feeding him.")

Ultimately, I think my guilt of harming animals is what put me to a stop. I couldn't live with myself anymore doing that. Still, I wish I had a practice in acceptance to put a halt to such behaviors earlier on. The 12-step Serenity Prayer goes, "God (or whichever Higher Power), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I usually complete the prayer twice, once to clear out the cobwebs and the second time with focus and sincerity.

Even if you are not a spiritual person, you can still repeat that as a mantra of some sort, without the God part.

Good luck.

MyNameIsGina wrote: …The 12-step Serenity Prayer goes, "God (or whichever Higher Power), grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I usually complete the prayer twice, once to clear out the cobwebs and the second time with focus and sincerity.

Good luck.

Hi Gina, Hi Bree,

Hey, I got something for you guys.

This may sound funny, but when I was still a smoker I ‘think’ I went to a hypnotist. Having first read into it, I knew that it was possible to Self-Hypnotize oneself, and so I think I paid a bit extra to be taught how to do it all myself. But the way Post-Hypnotic Suggestions work, I think the good lady suggested that I not remember her part in any of it at all. But, all that being said, Somehow, Somewhere, I learned Auto Hypnosis, and I can tell you that it is quite easy to make your 12 Step Prayer a Hypnotic Suggestion that might be taken a bit more deeply into your Mental Workings.

Here, this is how it works. Formulate the Suggestion you want to deliver into you’re your Subconscious Mind. I typically write it down a few times, and then read over the writing and stare at it a bit. Then you start at the Number 30 and slowly work down, thinking all the while that you are getting more relaxed and that you are progressively getting deeper and lower into the Mind. It is actually a good thing if you start losing count, as that means that you really are getting more relaxed. You can try to hold the Thought of the Suggestion on the Way Down, so as not to lose it, but the important thing is that when you get down to One and Zero, that you are able to remember what the Suggestion was. Ponder it for a moment and give it into your Mind, and then wish yourself alertness and vitality after a count up to 10 and then count up to Ten. Voila! Prayer and Affirmation with a Positive Modern Scientific twist!

lustlegacy wrote:If you have any suggestions at all on how to curb my intense reactions to small things or advice or anything, honestly. I'm scared at the point it's reached.

Figuring out what exactly triggers your reactions will help. Once you can recognize the situations that trigger the reactions you can learn to either; (1) avoid those situations or (2) develop a pre-planned way to handle them, e.g. the count to ten concept.

http://outsmartyourbrain.com/find-your- ... this-list/