Feeling hopeless with anger

**Posts:** 2 · by **LouDawg412** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:02 pm

So for as far back as I can think/remember, I have been a negative/angry person. It's easy for me to point out the ways for others to be positive but when it comes down to my own situations, these negative thoughts revolve around my head like a chaotic hurricane. Negativity easily leads into being upset which can easily lead to my anger. I honestly don't know where to start with telling you about me. All I know is that my inability to control my anger is slowly ruining my relationship with my future wife, it's damaging the relationship with my daughter as well as her future, period. Of course most of all I myself am just sick and tired of living life this way. I want to change my ways to help myself. For example I can never have a talk with my other half. I always manage to somehow raise my voice when I get frustrated/upset whatever you want to call it when she says something that doesn't appeal to me. Yes, I know not everything in life is going to be the way we want yet I can't find a way to...look over those things and continue to talk. I always end up raising my voice and yelling, she will remind me and I will shut up momentarily. Then she will say something else that will be unappealing to me and there I go again. I feel I'm in a hopeless circle. I don't want to continue this relationship in this manner, because in the moment I do not realize, damn I'm screaming at the woman that I actually love or damn my daughter is hearing the way I talk to her mother. I don't want these things for them. I want to give them the life they deserve. An example outside of home, I have terrible road rage. That guy that just came up and around you yes that was probably mr impatient right here. I don't understand why I always have this sense of hurry. I've been to counseling for anger management to this place that was recommended by many. Yet I honestly don't feel the guy helped, he didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Also it may be that I was just looking for steps like, tell me what to do, step by step, to conclude this terrible chapter of my life. How can I overlook the smallest of everyday situations? How can I accept that my expectations of the world are never going to become a reality? It seems so simple when you say it and read it, yet why am I still here, in this situation?

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 8:28 pm

Are you willing to change?

Are you willing to forgive all past hurts?

**Posts:** 2 · by **LouDawg412** » Sat Apr 26, 2014 10:30 pm

Am I willing, yes. I don't think I truly know/understand how/what to exactly forgive.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:27 am

As long as you are willing to forgive, your subconscious will work out the details. This video can help you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSLascx ... iKlBvXgIFs

**Posts:** 25 · by **jimindigo** » Fri May 02, 2014 9:00 pm

Hello Friend,
As you can see,it was your reference to hurrying that caught my eye.
Dear God, I've had that all my life,and hated it! Where did it come from? Easy, from
my dear abusive parents. "Go and get this,and you better f---ing HURRY,OR I'll f---ing
KILL YOU!" You see,a child BELIEVES what his parents say,I really thought they WOULD
kill me if I did NOT hurry--so I hurried,and I've been hurrying ever since. It's like they
put a 'hurry chip' in my brain and I can't get at it to short-circuit it.

And the anger? Well,all children look at everything their parents do,and COPY THEM!
Every flicker of an eyelash is noted and logged and copied,everything. In extreme cases,
the child can BECOME THE PARENT (virtually).
I'm having to deliberately SL--OOO--WWW
down this typing,or I will go off like a secretary on fire,making mistakes all over the place.
That's another thing, I wasn't ALLOWED to make mistakes, or I'd get killed for that too.
If this chimes with you,maybe NOW you could get help you need.

My Compassion,
jimindigo

**Posts:** 691 · by **Akiva** » Wed May 28, 2014 7:10 am

"For example I can never have a talk with my other half. I always manage to somehow raise my voice when I get frustrated/upset whatever you want to call it when she says something that doesn't appeal to me. Yes, I know not everything in life is going to be the way we want yet I can't find a way to...look over those things and continue to talk. I always end up raising my voice and yelling, she will remind me and I will shut up momentarily. Then she will say something else that will be unappealing to me and there I go again. I feel I'm in a hopeless circle. I don't want to continue this relationship in this manner, because in the moment I do not realize, damn I'm screaming at the woman that I actually love or damn my daughter is hearing the way I talk to her mother. I don't want these things for them. I want to give them the life they deserve."

Good for you for having the self-awareness to address this issue! That is a step many people refuse to take because they cannot and will not admit they are wrong on any level.

Is this a control thing with you, do you think?

Is it that you feel your ways and views and opinions are more valid or important than hers?

I am not judging you, just trying to get to the bottom of what is triggering this reaction in you.

Peace.

Feeling hopeless with anger

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