I've ruined my life

LOK797 wrote: I just want to live my life as who I was born as, not someone else.

Then stop going with what you “feel” and instead go with what you can actually can observe.

What you “feel” doesn’t make a person who they are. Some days I feel like a clown, other days I feel like I could fly. But the observable facts are that I don’t work in a circus and I don’t have wings. Based on observable facts, I’m a man that uses a computer to work for a living. From moment to moment I feel plenty of different things, but it doesn’t change the fact I’m a man in Colombia, about to go eat breakfast. I actually don’t feel like eating breakfast, but that feeling doesn’t change the actual fact, here comes some eggs and coffee.

I think you've gotta go with your gut and instead of focusing so much on what you think you are, just focus on what it is you actually want, like what is it that would make you happy? If you think you're a straight woman for some reason is it because you are interested in guys? Or because you want to be a woman? There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe your issue is that you are afraid of accepting the things you want as being okay.

Sexuality comes in all different shades of gray. You could be a trans who is into straight women or gay women or a trans who is into straight men or gay men or a cis who is into trans or a cis who is into cis. There's a woman at my work who is married to a trans (male to female) man. If you want to be a man and that's how you want to identify, then feeling feminine or wishing you were a straight woman sometimes doesn't necessarily make you less of a man. You can be what you want to be and feel how you want to feel and it doesn't mean it's wrong.

I am not you so I don't know how you feel, but you should always consider the fact that what you want or feel sexually at any given point in life doesn't necessarily make some overarching statement about your identity or about how you must be. Sexuality can just be about what you want, what makes you feel happy, what attracts you in a human being. This in itself is not a problem. The problem is if you're making yourself feel guilty about it.

Your problem is that what you are doing is self-referential. You aren't discovering yourself by interacting with other people but by being alone.
The solution to your problem is to talk to other people. That could be friends with whom you talk openly, a normal psychologist or a hypnotist but you won't get far by reading things online and listening to tapes.

ChristianKl wrote:Your problem is that what you are doing is self-referential. You aren't discovering yourself by interacting with other people but by being alone.
The solution to your problem is to talk to other people. That could be friends with whom you talk openly, a normal psychologist or a hypnotist but you won't get far by reading things online and listening to tapes.

Well, what else is happening to me is I accidentally saw a sissy subliminal on tumblr and things are eating worse. WHAT DO I f***ing DO!?

LOK797 wrote:Well, what else is happening to me is I accidentally saw a sissy subliminal on tumblr and things are eating worse. WHAT DO I f***ing DO!?

You stop believing your thoughts. You do nothing. There's more to this than some subliminal recording. Research what meditation is about and start getting into the habit of a daily practice. Your thoughts are ephemeral, they come and go, and they don't need to be latched upon to be made into your reality.

WHAT DO I f***ing DO!?

Spent time with other people in meatspace and talk to them.

ChristianKl wrote:

WHAT DO I f***ing DO!?

Spent time with other people in meatspace and talk to them.

NOOOOOO!!!!!! I AM PEOPLE IN MEATSPACE!!! WHY DO YOU ENCOURAGE PEOPLE LIKE THIS TO FIND AND TALK TO ME!!!!!

I have enough headaches from the ones with alien abduction and perpetual motion free energy machine delusions.