The Stupid & Funny Quotes Thread......

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 3:03 am

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 3:06 am

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 3:08 am

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Thu Jan 12, 2006 1:26 am

Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 12:49 pm

When I was twenty I worried about what people thought of me

When I reached 40 I realised it didn't matter what people thought of me

When I reached 60 I realised they hadn't been thinking about me at all !!!

**Posts:** 354 · by **Nicotine** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 4:18 pm

"You're clearly French - you're a child of the croissant. Look at that nose, it's like the Eiffel tower, you've got cheeks like the Louvre and a chin like a baguette" - The Mighty Boosh

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 11:20 pm

One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine, is that the Americans do not read their manuals, nor do they feel any obligation to follow their doctrine...

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 11:22 pm

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Sat Jan 21, 2006 11:46 pm

Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Mae West

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:34 pm

A South American Scientist, from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient sexual activity in their lives tend to read their e-mails with their hand still on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off, it's too late....

**Posts:** 1034 · by **coach** » Mon Jan 23, 2006 11:52 pm

"Goodness, what beautiful diamonds !" -- "Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie".

Mae West

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 12:39 am

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 12:47 am

A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".

**Posts:** 167 · by **Lilith78** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:56 am

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such web pages as: Troy McClure, We Hate You"

Oh,my sides!
How they ache! :lol:

**Posts:** 167 · by **Lilith78** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 9:05 am

Dub'ya:

"Fool me once.......shame on...shame on you...........
Fooled can't get fooled again"

GOLD! :lol:

The Stupid & Funny Quotes Thread......

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