The Stupid & Funny Quotes Thread......

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:43 am

In their reply to my application for People mag's 50 Most Beautiful People issue, they said I finished in 642,338th place. I'm hoping to fare better here. Briefly: homeowner, fishowner, microwave-dependent, entelly... intel... ente... umm real smart.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:45 am

my name is blah blah and im from blah. im a blah person and i hate blah. blah blah blah etc. yadda yadda yadda.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:50 am

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:51 am

Directions: 1-Look at my picture. 2-Read my keywords. 3-Close eyes, breathing deep. 4-Exhale in triumph. 5-Smile happily. 6-Thank God. 7-Click Yes.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:52 am

Once I met this wino and he was eating some grapes, and I said, "Dude, you have to wait". I would imagine that if you could understand morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:54 am

"I was really into bestiality, sadomasochism, and necrophilia, but then I realized I was just beating a dead horse."

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:56 am

People. They are the reason why I am like I am today. I will only want to meet you if you have proven you are not one of them.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 2:00 am

Recently cracked a tooth on a skittle. When I was younger and watched Willie Wonka I knew candy would someday be at the centre of my demise...DAMN YOU CHARLIE! and your intrepid chocolate factory!

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:43 pm

out to meet new people and have fun. hv a 7yr old daughter who lives with me..... so i know all the there is to know about barbie.... ;(

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:45 pm

Hey, I'm Andrew and I'm a figment of your imagination. So just click no... or yes, since it won't matter once you get back in touch with reality. And don't worry if you never do, sanity is over-rated. PS: Your imagination made me look this bad.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Mon Jan 09, 2006 1:51 pm

Unmarried butcher seeks lambs for mutual slaughter. Knife shy and/or humour challenged need not apply. My hobbies include hiding obfuscated email addresses within keywords.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:01 am

When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord didnt work that way, so I stole one, then asked him to forgive me

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 5:28 am

Old Aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs telling me,"You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

**Posts:** 8044 · by **satanstoystore** » Tue Jan 10, 2006 10:29 pm

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."

My coworker has this calendar with all the best dubya quotes.

**Posts:** 18608 · by **Hed Kandi** » Wed Jan 11, 2006 3:00 am

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either..

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