Feeling lifeless after a breakup. Please help.

Hi everyone

About three months ago my Fiancee of five years ended our relationship. We had just bought a house together and got a dog, planning our wedding and we'd talked all the time about having children, and so her leaving came as a huge, huge shock to me. She has some psychological issues that stem back from childhood, as do I - she would rather walk away than face the possibility of things not working further down the line. Since her leaving I have found out that she didn't want to end the relationship, she just basically wanted me to chase her and apologise for everything (yes, that's right, she wanted me to accept full responsibility for everything that had gone 'wrong'). I have some anxiety issues that I've been working on for the past few years, it takes time though and when I'm happy and fine, she was happy and fine - but if I have a bad day, she acted as though I'd completely ruined her life.

The relationship became very self critical towards me and made me feel like a child. She was incredibly narcissistic, manipulative, controlling and if I went against those things - you'd better believe she'd make me pay for it, either by verbal abuse or being dismissive and threatening the end of the relationship.

Fast forward three months to now and I'm trying to develop myself, my confidence is growing and I no longer go home worried that I've left some washing up to do, for fear it'll cause an argument between us. I'm trying to fill my social life as must as possible and it has been so nice to reconnect properly with my close friends, but I'm still really, really struggling. At home I have no motivation to keep the house nice and tidy, I really struggle getting up in the morning and taking the dog for a walk, I don't exercise or cook much anymore (something I love doing) and all I want to do is sleep. I'm seeing a therapist and she's said it will take me time, but I wondered if you guys can suggest anything.

I know the relationship wasn't right and can now see that I've had a lucky escape, but the issue is, I still keep blaming myself for it's demise - I feel incredibly guilty, I miss her and still love her and I still cry a lot. I'm trying to keep away from relationships for the moment as I have huge co-depenency tendencies and even though I'm only 28, these last three months have been the longest I've been single in the last 12 years - I jump from woman to woman to try and find that person that finally makes me, me. I now know that only I have that power, but it's incredibly hard resisting and the issue is, the longer I resist the more I start to think 'Is there actually someone out there for me? Will I find that person? What happens if I never do?'.

Bit of a background on me, I own my own home, I'm a very likeable person and very sociable and love meeting and connecting with new people. I also love to help people if I can - my co-dependcy showing through there.

I apologise in advance for the rather lengthy post, I just wanted to get it in there.

If any of you at all can offer some advice, I'd be eternally grateful - I just feel incredibly depressed and alone.

Thanks in advance.

Ben x