Childhood Parental Influence on my self-esteem

I am 49 years old, and I am such a critic of myself that it is painful. I have done a lot of self-reflection, and I know that the person that I became is partly stunted because of my childhood. I look back, and I know that my father loved his family. I know that he did not show a lot of love because of his own childhood. In the last ten years, I experienced both of my parents dying. The last year of my father's life I spent time with him, and helped him through the dying process. It was very emotional for me. There was so much that I wanted to say to my parents, but I came to realize that none of that would change the past. I think that we have to understand our parents and hopefully, recognize that they did the best that they could at the time. Perhaps, your own father was abused by his father. I do know that the way parents raise their children is often a reflection of their own past. It is such a vicious cycle.
I have come to realize that I need to love that little girl inside of me. I need to give praise and to give love to the person that I have become. I also went to a high school that was very difficult to fit into and I became incredibly self conscious. I hate that I want people to like me and that it hurts me when they don't. Ultimately, we need to quiet the critic in our head. We need to learn to change the dialogue and speak kindly to ourselves. What we can't do is live entire life punishing ourselves! Life is hard. The one thing that you are doing which is a positive step is recognizing what you would like to change about yourself. Maybe write a letter to that little boy inside of you and let him know what is good about him? I hope you are well. And please know that there are many people in this world that struggle with the same issues. We are so very much alike in so many ways.

Thanks a lot for the reply, @naturegirl
My father has been trying to open up a bit more and be openly supportive and encourage me, since I was in my teens. It's just that my early childhood memories had such a profound impact on my unconscious mind. Also I've been in boarding schools and hostels since i was 5 years old and basically grew up away from home mostly. I don't know how much and what kind of impact it has had on me unconsciously. It would crush my parents if they know all this and i have no intention of letting them know. I'm confident I can overcome this issue if i can find some closure.
Thanks for sharing your story. You have been through a lot more than me. I know many others have been through a lot more than both of us. We may have a couple of issues, but we have been lucky enough to be gifted a lot more than we realize. I hope you find the strength to overcome your own issues, if you haven't already.

Nemaniyh,
You have a good head on your shoulders. I do know that as we age that we constantly question the person we are and the person we are becoming. I think what is most important is to know in your heart that you are a good person and to continue to create your own path in life. It's nice to have people in our lives validate who we are, but in the long run, we are the ones that have to walk this journey and create our destiny in life. Focus on the fact that your dad is trying to open up to you. That's a beautiful thing. Also, know that when you have a family one day, you can take your experiences you've had and try not to repeat them. Also, keep writing and keep soul searching, I believe this creates inner strength. Don't be afraid to say what's in your heart. Otherwise, your emotions will eat you up inside. I guess the point of my reply was to say that I can relate to what you say. And that I think we can spend too much time regretting the past and not embracing the moment! Also, I'm trying not to care about what other people think about me, and yes, this is tough. But hey, I like me. That's all that matters. Have an awesome day! Heather