Love and anger.

Anger is closely related to fear and we can let both of them go. Love is the healing force, Love yourself more, love other people more, love this moment more. This video can help you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWJa5_zj ... YwdCN2DLoN

Thanks for sharing.

Don't ruin these moments with anger, it's hard to accept the situation but first of all you should help yourself to do it then u can give her the love and happiness , the things she wants now.


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You must feel very frustrated and upset that there is nothing you can do to make her health problems magically disappear. It is upsetting to watch a loved one suffer and struggle and for us to feel powerless.

I have several health conditions that leave me in severe pain all of the time. You would be amazed at how helpful it is just for my husband to give me some compassion and love. No, it does not take away the pain, but knowing that he loves me and that he wishes I felt better do my heart good. It can elevate my mood when I am feeling upset and frustrated by my physical limitations.

Even just being direct with her can help not just her but you as well! Try hugging her, kissing her, and telling her how frustrated you are that you cannot make this problem go away. It just might take some of that tension out of you to actually get that out from inside of you.

Try searching for a forum that deals with her specific health issue and get some feedback from members there who are struggling to cope with their health issues. They can tell you things you can do to help your wife feel better, at least emotionally and mentally. Having chronic health problems is so depressing at times, particularly when feeling frustrated about your lack of control over your own body. And, it is difficult for those who are sharing their lives with people who have chronic health problems. For so many reasons. You already know that, so I don't need to get into it.

You can also do online research about her health condition to see if there are ways of improving her symptoms that she has not tried already. Please don't be offended if she doesn't take to all of your suggestions. If that is the case, just be honest and explain that you know you cannot take the problem away from her, and you want her to feel better, and that you have been reading up on her condition in the hopes of finding some ways to improve how she feels. She will appreciate the fact that you care and took the time to understand.

Although my husband definitely feels for me and definitely wishes he could take my pain away, he has not once read up on one of the things wrong with me. I admit that does bother me, as I know that if he had any health issue I would be researching like a maniac trying to find any way to help him. I know this is not an indication that he doesn't care, and furthermore, I am a research nut who loves to learn everything I possibly can about things that are important in my/our life...I guess sometimes I just wish he would have the knowledge about my conditions to actually make suggestions based on facts and not out of frustration, making suggestions that are not practical to me. However, I definitely feel like a burden at times and I know it is hard for him to live with my conditions as well! So, I am not mad at him or anything. I understand his frustrations and feel for him.

It is nice to see that you care about her and wish you could take her problems away so that she does not suffer. That is part of loving someone. Love is not always easy, but it sure does a heart good to know you are loved

Best of luck to you both.

Peace.

Dear Paul,

It is very difficult to live with the stress of a loved one who is ill, especially when there is nothing you can do about it. You may feel powerless, helpless, sad for your partner and for yourself. There is a loss you experience when your partner is ill - you lose the fun and happy times you would have had if not for the illness. You can experience grief for the loss even though your partner is alive, and anger is a normal part of the grieving process. Here is what I recommend:

* Put that anger energy to good use by making sure she is receiving the best care. There may be other doctors or alternative health care providers who could help her more. Get a second/third opinion!
* Give yourself a real break by getting others to help you. Being a caregiver can be exhausting because you take on a lot of things your partner used to be able to do.
* Don't beat yourself up if you can't "save" her. No one is God and you don't have control over someone else's health. Don't feel guilty as you've done nothing wrong.
* Refocus on the positives that are still present in your relationship. This will provide healing for both of you.

Suzanne Bare, MA
Author
Ending Anger: The Couple's Guide

pljames wrote:My wife has Lymphedema. I see her going bad every day with her disease plus two heal wounds connected as well. It brakes my heart. So I got mad. Her doctors and myself cannot dp anything to help her. How do I overcome this anger. I love her and there's nothing I can do to help her. Paul

Hello,

I don't know if you are still following this thread and reading the replies. If you are, I would like to add to my initial response that you can feel free to PM me and i can give you some information that has helped ME in my own personal health struggles.

Recently, I have made another go at doing research about my health issues, and trying some alternative ways to improve my well-being. I have done this in the past and have been extremely frustrated with the lack of progress I had made. Likewise, dealing with doctors has also been frustrating, and resulted in little improvement.

However, I really dove deeply into research this time around, determined to find SOME way to improve my health, as it had become more than I could stand, and I am tired of burdening my husband. We both deserve the best lives possible - as individuals, and as a couple. It is very difficult to live in physical pain - and it is very difficult to watch my husband suffer, both because he wishes he could help me and feels pained that he cannot, and because too often, certain things fall on him to take care of because I am unable to do it myself.

Anyway, this time around, I am incredibly happy to report that my efforts have resulted in some real, tangible improvements and I am feeling noticeably better! I am feeling more encouraged than I ever have! I have tried SO MANY THINGS over the years with no results, or worse, they made me feel even more awful physically. I am truly over the moon with joy that I seem to have found some relatively simple ways to feel better.

So, if you would like to PM me, I will be more than happy to share with you some things that I have done that have been helpful to me. I know how frustrating and devastating it can be to live under circumstances of poor health, and it would be my absolute pleasure to share what I have learned with you both.

If I do not respond immediately please don't think I have forgotten about you. I can't always rely on this computer to run smoothly and I have been a bit busy lately as well.

My best wishes to you both!

Don't give up!

Peace.

Just smoke a little cannabis with her.

Life is not fair and sometimes it is stridently, in-your-face not fair. And if you don't have the resources to deal with it, it's even worse.

Life is fair and it's always in your face fair, you always have the resources to deal with it, one moment at a time, ask yourself "What can I do right now to keep me happy?" and follow your first response

Don't suppress the anger. Try to let it out in a safe space. Maybe go yell into the ocean.