I apologise if this is a little long or confusing it's just that English is not my first language.
Last year I finally decided to stop being worried (about anything) all the time so I started to figure out what was the root of that problem. So I started a process of taking my memories back to help me clear my mind,when my childhood memories showed up I remembered everything just the way it actually felt for the first time and not with all the layers of nostalgia I usually put on my childhood memories. I realized that I was so afraid and anxious all the time, of course it was childish fear but it kinda blocked anything I wanted to do,I would think in circles all the time,doing what I think of as some kind of ritual to stop the fear,my mother is very religious so I grew up with this constant fear of being "punished" and the only thing that would slow down that fear was repeating apologies (to God I guess) on and on and on,I remember that I couldn't fall asleep at night/get up in the morning until doing this exhausting thing,because I believed that otherwise my whole family would die or something like that,it wasn't just praying,it was a constant fight with my own mind,because there was this little voice (sometimes it's still there) saying blasphemous things in the middle of the prayer,making me think about things I didn't want to think about and then,here we go again,another 10 minutes "praying" to apologise for my thoughts. The thing is,my mom never forced me to believe in anything,she always acted so lovely and caring,and before this "God" thing I was already that way,I needed to repeat things in my head a lot of times before letting it go,go crazy with hypothetical situations,like thinking about horrible things to happen to me or my family and crying in the middle of the night,for no reason. I don't like to romanticize mental problems,i have a normal life and had a regular childhood too, without abuse or big trauma, even though I don't feel exactly that way anymore,every once in a while I feel like that again and I want to know why.