Journal entry 4.

I think this sounds promising based on everything that's happened so far. Although if you've learned anything, don't get too attached too fast. Maybe ask her if she wants to do something with you again. If she wants to great ! And take it from there.

Give it time however and do not fall for her quickly. It sounds like you're really into her and it sounds equally like she's just as into you. You can't know for sure though at this stage. My advice would be to take it slowly and cautiously. You're still healing from something that happened a month ago, as is she. So both of you should go slowly.

Update: Her and I are hanging out again tonight. We are getting a long extremely well and are really into each other. I don't want to jump the gun on this. She told me that I am the nicest person she has met in our college town, maybe she has not met a lot of people haha. She has also said that she appreciates me. I am glad that her and I met. It helps with everything that has happened. How is everything going with you?

Ohh, that sounds great, I'm real happy for you. Hope it works out then cause from the sounds of it you guys have a genuine connection.

Yeah I'm not too bad. Saw her last night cause she had to drop off my graduation tickets as I has left them in her car. When I got to her car she got out and gave me a tight hug. We then just had a small 5 minute catch up on what had been going on. She also explained that the past 2 weeks had been the worst two weeks she'd had in a while and how she had been feeling really sh**. I kinda realised too that when she seems so happy Infront of me it was just an act and that she never actually went into detail with me on how she felt. I know this as she told our mutual friend, who has been her friend for a long time that she wasn't functioning properly. He wanted to talk to her about me but she said if they were going to talk about me it had to be in person. I'm not really sure why it has to be in person ? Anyways, they're going to meet soon and discuss it. Bottom line is that when I've seen her appearing so happy, she really hasn't been.

Anyway, I sent her a text after we met saying how it was nice to see her and that just to remind her I'll always be there for her to talk to if she's having a bad day or week. Still have had no reply. I guess everything's kinda making sense to me now. I felt kinda sh** over the past weeks as I felt that she had broke up with me as she had just stopped liking me in that way. I thought this because of how happy I thought she was. But I think I'm starting to see that she genuinely does still like me in that way and that the relationship was just too much for her to handle with how she felt. What do you think? Does this sound accurate ?

Bro she likes you trust me. She has to work on herself before she can love someone else again. It's time to move on. There are many things in life to look forward to. I am not going to waste anymore time on someone who doesn't feel the same way about me. I have come to terms with this whole thing. But I know that she loves you. There might be a chance for you two to get back together. Please move forward and take this as a life lesson. People with depression do not have any love for themselves which makes it almost impossible to love someone else. Let her get better. I am not going to waste any of my precious time of what I have left on this planet. Each day is a gift from God. A lot of people do not think about that life as we know it could end tomorrow. Time is precious. I have wasted a lot of time feeling sad when I should have worked on my interests and other things. I know you still love her, but the best thing to do is move on. You two will always share the memories you had together. Remember that nobody can take them away from you. She is your ex for a reason. It is important to learn from this. It is not important to prolong this pain and use it to your advantage. I highly recommend that you move on please move on. You will find the most amazing girl who deserves you. I know it may not seem like it right now but focus on yourself.

How is everything going?

Yea I'm doing okay thanks. I've Pretty much got over her. It's weird cause I know I'm over her but the past 2 weeks I've just been down for no reason. There's been 1 day of the week maybe where I've not felt sh**. The rest of the time I'm just sitting in alone doing nothing because I can't even think of anything that I would enjoy to do. I've been out with friends a few times which made me feel a little better. But every time I'm out with them I dread going back home alone as I know how I'm gonna feel. I always feel worse in the morning.

In relation to my breakup. Our mutual friend told me that they're meeting for lunch in a couple days and he says he's just gonna find out what actually happened with her. After he told me that they're meeting for lunch I got a missed call from her. I know she'll just be inviting me out to lunch but I'm not planning on calling back as I know I'll have no gain from it. Infact it may even make me like her again which isn't ideal. I'm just gonna let them go out for lunch and keep trying to move forward with my life. That's all I can do just now really. It's just frustrating at how I'm feeling now. How I'm so upset over absolutely nothing. I'm supposed to be going on holiday with all my friends in a month, but to be honest I'd rather just give away my place. I was really looking forward to it as well a couple months ago.

Anyways that's my latest update I guess. How're you ?

That really sucks I am sorry you are going through that. I was honestly a little worried that I hadn't heard from you for awhile. I am doing better. I am pretty sure that I am over my ex completely. I am glad you didn't answer her call. That was brave of you. If you were to see her again you would have to start the whole healing process over again. This time the healing would be even worse than the first time. Yes it would get you to like her again which is the last thing you want. I have gone almost two weeks without contact to my ex. If you keep spending time around people and start conversation it will help you overcome your ex faster. It will bring up your confidence that is what you want to do. I would highly recommend you going on that trip with your friends. If you can show her that you are having fun without her it will make her miss you even more. You are the only one who can make yourself happy. You are upset because she hurt you. It is absolutely okay to be feeling this way. And honestly, if you were to meet another girl, you would not be feeling this way. The new girl I have been telling you about has been going great. We have been hanging out a lot. Her and I kissed the other night. But we are not official yet or anything. I am pretty sure that her and I want to be ready for each other before we get into a relationship. I am telling you though, try and meet another girl. You won't have time to think about your ex. I hope everything turns out better for you.

Update now.

I finally got fully over the situation a couple days ago and then yesterday happened.

I finally got an answer last night. Basically my friend had a party and invited her, so as I got there she was already there and as soon as I entered the house she was there and came up to greet me with a tight hug. This seemed good and all. After that my friend was alone with her so started asking her what actually happened with me. At first she was completely avoiding the questions and would change the subject. He than asked her for a second time, "do you still like him, why did you end it with him and d'you think it'll ever work again.

She then finally gave a response explaining that she does still care for me a lot and likes me but that the majority influence of her ending it was her depression. She then said that another small part was that we were so different and that she felt that she was having to be someone she's not around me. Which made a bit of sense when I think about it because she would always act happy around me even though she wouldn't have been. She then said that if she never had depression she would have had the energy to continue and be that other person. But long story short she said it's never going to work out again.

I have a few questions. Even though she's saying it would never work, if her depression ended would she then come back to me ? Also d'you think her saying it's never going to work is her just being negative about the situation ?
One more. D'you think this is actually what happened. Like for someone who has had depression, do you think it would have been draining doing the whole someone she's not thing constantly? I mean we were pretty different but I would've made an effort to improve it if I had knew. But I guess maybe if she never had depression so would she.

Another thing that I was unsure of was if she was seeing someone else. My friend asked her this and she said that he had been the only guy friend she'd even seen in the past month or 2.

So what are your thoughts on this ? Could you just try and answer the questions too thanks !

In my personal opinion, she might have come back to you if her depression ended. But her personality could have changed. Honestly, it is difficult to tell. I don't know the relationship and how it went. As I have said, depression drains everything you do in life. Every task is a struggle. The smallest of activities are some of the most difficult to accomplish. This is actually happening. She might be trying to find the easy way out by saying that you two are way different from each other because that is what depression does. I don't want to give you false hope. I would say that it is not the effort to improve to share similar interests. You do or you don't with that other person and that's what makes it an even better relationships. You will find someone who is similar to you, trust me. I have completely let go of my ex. I would highly suggest that you do the same. And when that time comes, she will want you back. Hope this helps!

Thanks for the help.

Yea I have pretty much let go of her. I had a one night stand the other night which actually just made me feel worse being honest. I'm a lot better than I was before. It's just hard seeing things that remind me of some of the times we had together before.

I also keep just having small periods of time where it does get me down as I feel she has no feelings or attraction to me whatsoever and sees me only as a friend. I guess sometimes I just overthink it all and kind of ask my self if it was completely the depression or if it was just her losing feelings for me regardless of her telling me it wasn't. It's just hard after she said that she had never liked anyone as much as she liked me and for her to go from that to just being a friend. I guess I'm just really unsure if she sees me any different from other friends.

I also forgot to mention in the previous post that at first when my friend was asking her what had happened, she kept avoiding the question as she clearly did not want to talk about it. Why do you think that is ? As well as that after finally giving him the answers i mentioned in the previous post, she specifically told him not to tell me about why it happened with the depression and us being so different, why do you think she wouldn't want me to know? As she had only told me at the break up that she wasn't "in the right place at the moment".

Anyways thanks. I feel that I'm on the tail end of getting over it all, the only things holding me back a bit are what I have mentioned above.

She is afraid to show her true feelings because she is afraid that she might become happy again. I had this problem with my ex. She would not tell me how she truly feels and that's all I asked of her. As I said, people with depression feel as though they are a burden. It is a sad truth. Your girl told him, but doesn't want you to know is because that this truth might be to intense for you to handle. Or it could be the opposite meaning that it is bad. I really don't know why she doesn't want you to know. She is trying to protect you. Because she is respectful of your safety. I know you will overcome this.

Yea I guess that kinda makes sense.

Why would she be afraid of being happy though ? And also what would be the exact opposite of not wanting me to know because she feels it could be too intense for me to handle ? Also do you think she sees me the same as she would any other friend or do you think she still sees me differently, just after everything we've shared in the past.

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Sorry I tried replying but lost it and thought I had submitted my response. She's afraid of being happy because that's part of what depression does. Depression drains everything you love. The exact opposite of her wanting you to know would be wanting you to know. She sees you differently than others. You will get over her, I promise. Just try and find someone else. Believe me. With my new girlfriend it has helped me so much. The girl I told you about is amazing. Her and I have a lot in common and we are perfect for each other. Honestly, her and I are the same.