I was recently rejected from a job position that I really wanted. I got through 4 rounds of interviews and things were looking good for me. I guess I had an off day and didn't perform as well as I should have in the final (informal) interview.
The next day, I was thankfully given feedback which I truly appreciate because that means I can work on improving my skills.
I was told whilst my professional experience was very good, the interviewer felt that our conversation had a few quiet pauses and that it didn't 'flow' naturally. I admit I probably could have asked more questions when it got quiet and it was my mistake to let the interviewer take the 'lead'. I had never been to an informal interview before so I guess I was more reserved than normal as I didn't know what to expect.
This feedback has brought something to light because now that I think of it, this has been a reoccuring issue for me. I think I definitely need to work on my social skills, appearing more interested in others and having an active role in the conversation. My natural personality is more on the reserved side, people often mistake me for being uninterested in them/the situation. My problem is that I find it difficult to think of questions to ask people in order to further a conversation. My brain literally doesn't think of a question so i just say something like 'mmm yeah that's true' and the conversation ends.
I also feel uncomfortable when people try to get close to me, I don't like explaining things about myself or stories about myself. I only feel comfortable around intimate partners and very close friends. I want to change this though. I don't know why I feel uncomfortable forming connections with people, and when people actually do seem interested in me/my story i feel shocked but happy that someone likes listening to me. The best I can explain it is like an overarching uncomfortableness. I try my best to ignore it by letting the other person speak but i cant do this anymore as it's clearly affecting my professional development.
To be honest, I don't understand why or how my partner liked me in the first place. He said I was extremely quiet when we first met but he could see that wasn't the real me and he knew he had to just peel back the layers lol. So he persisted and well..
I just think I have an issue connecting with people. I feel awkward when a coworker tells me they missed me or is glad to see me and gives me a hug. I acknowledge it's nice and I did miss them too but the actual act of them being so close with me just makes me feel... weird. Ugh I really hate this about myself. Like I want to be closer to them, I really do but I just feel WEIRD about it. I don't know If this is making sense D:
My goal is to work on this because ill need these social skills for my career and the sooner i start practicing the better. My main concern is connecting with strangers. What is your best advice for someone like me? It's times like these I feel like I'm doomed D: