Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:Start by not letting your past define you.
There is a BIG difference between acknowledging the past and using the past to justify current behaviors.
Don’t misunderstand. I realize that it is very popular to blame past events for today’s behaviors. But it is BS. It is selective memories and selective causes.
Now I am not a clinical psychologist either, but my wife is. Whilst myself I have some fairly unique/rare training and have insights into the human mind,(my own and others) which are uncommon to say the least .... My talents lay in how to damage the human mind. Indeed, I am not an overly playful kitten.
Do you maybe think 'gayness' can be cured by the Bible? Because reading that from you, I am reminded of a quote ....
" When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think two things: one part of me wants to take her home, be real nice and treat her right; the other part wonders what her head would look like on a stick. " — Edmund Emil "Ed" Kemper III
As for the OP.One does not redefine them, one cannot say "That no longer annoys/upsets me, because that is not how we work.
If one imagines you are the onion Shrek mentions to Donkey, that is useful. When you were a small onion, a child, you were basically spherical. Rounded. Smooth.
Then things were said and you were attacked .... You rightly took that to heart and you allowed those attacks to start sticking little stones to your surface ... then the next layer went on as you grew. But you were no longer spherical, you had become misshapen The more you grew the more misshapen you have become. So now instead of an onion, you look like a space rock covered in Duct tape.
Here's the thing .... Whatever was done to you physically and/or mentally was not about you, it was not actually personal ..... Rather it was all about them, the aggressors .. They were afraid and scared and when humans are that - They attack to deflect the attention from themselves.
Your mother's life had been, was and if she is alive, still is, I 100% guarantee .... Miserable, horrible, abusive, hopeless and just dehumanising ..... because she reflected that onto you. That is where it came from... not out of the blue. It does not excuse her 1%, but that is 100%
why it happened.
So rather than redefining what was actioned against you - Redefine
WHY it was actioned against you.
See the weakness of those people. See how miserable their own lives were, how miserable their own childhoods will have been ..... They called you names and that is a fact ... But you took it in a way that made it your fault which it 100% is not ... It was not even 1% about you. It was all about them.
Then look at yourself and be honest .... Are you what they said you were? If not then remove that little stone, if you are then see the positive in it because there always is one.
For example many years ago a very powerful man who I had somewhat upset called me a name which is a vulgar term for a females genital region. It was meant to be abusive but I didn't see it as such ... I was instantly proud, because in my mind I knew he was afraid of me because I was not afraid of him ... which is why he was shouting and waving a tyre iron about.
Realise the weakness in the people who attacked you and the strength in yourself. You can make yourself better, whilst they will always be life's losers.
PM me if you want to.