Problems with anger in enclosed spaces

Dear AR,

Some things can't be fixed.

You have heard about how we can't 'unwring the bell'. that you can't unpoison the well. Also, some things you really don't want to fix.

Your girlfriend, from her own anger, almost got the both of you killed on the highway. Yes, ordinarily I would say there is no excuse for your anger. But, realistically speaking, you were under a dangerous amount of real stress -- that girl was acting crazy and not paying attention you her driving. You were reasonably fearful for your Life. Of course a lot of adrenaline would be pumped up because of that.

But, you did behave as you behaved. and it is my supposition that she will never ever really forgive you for it.

Walk away. It is not as though she is the best prize in the Universe. This time she almost got you killed. do you really want to see what she has in store for next time?

Yes, you could have handled it all differently. We can go over that tomorrow.... I am terribly late for my 'thing' that I have to get to. But, it is her with the real problem, and I honestly don't see that you need it, or her. Please consider getting out while you still have life and limb. And I really do think, that after what has happened, your relationship can't be salvaged. You could patch things up, but it will never be the way it should be.

If you do have your own anger problem, well we can work on that, and make you a perfect gentleman, really, I'm not kidding, but it would all be wasted on this present girlfriend, who will always think of you as the rouge that beat her and tried to strangle her while she was only trying to talk to you a bit in the car (that is probably how she has already come to see it... it is ALL your fault).

Make yourself a better Person and then find a Girl that deserves that Better Person.

More tomorrow... got to run...

compassion wrote:First you need to understand "where does anger come from?"When we are angry, we either behave like our “mother” or we repeat our childhood pattern of anger. Your feelings of anger are in the unhealthy range and you need to bring them down through cognitive behavorial therapy. I can run you through a basic exercise which will help you bring your emotions in the healthy range. Get in touch with me at conquerlife1 at hotmail com; I can also share some great resources. If you don't solve your "mother related issues," you will repeat this pattern of behavior with "every loved one" in your life.

Spammer.

Dear Ar,

Oh, dear me, I wish I had had time to proof read my above reply, but most of what I said was clear.

Anyway, a few more ideas or you.

You really can get somebody to pull over on a highway and let you out, well, unless you are between Yuma, Arizona and Bakersfield, California on U.S. Route 10, where ten minutes on the shoulder of the road in the afternoon sun could very well kill you. But in most metropolitan cities around the world, you just say, "Pull over and let me out. I quite insist". If nothing else, it is a good way to change the Conversation. If the driver does not pull over, say that your relationship or friendship will in fact be over if they do not comply in 20 seconds and that you are completely serious. .

you can do this because of course you always carry some Emergency Money. I like always driving myself. It assures me of the ability to get home no matter how things go with other people. But I never go out with anybody else unless I have my Emergency Money with me. If they break down, well, I call a cab and home I go. I am not stuck just because they are stuck. And, if they start behaving as your girlfriend did, then I am able to, again, pick up the phone and call a cab.

Oh, if you are a Gentleman and get into a fight with a Girlfriend on a Date, rather than experiencing that awkwardness when driving her home.... and your own driving might be distracted by the heavy awkwardness. Well, then you use your Emergency money to call HER the cab. you don't have to throw her out of your car, but you can say "I'm sure both of us would feel better if you took a cab home". You don't get many second dates that way, but, sometimes a second date with a truly horrible first date is the last thing you would be looking for.

Now, about girlfriends. When people are Dating, and I find this to be a mistake, that, well, they are typically on their very best behavior. After all, Dating is preliminary to Engagement and Marriage, and so people date as though they are on some Romantic Job Interview -- being clean, well dressed and courteous. I honestly think that you owe it to the person you are seeing to show them a bit of the Real You so that they can actually be better informed about you, and if they find the Real You not quite up to their Standards, well, it was good that you did not waste each other's time, no?

anyway, if a date ever acts in a totally unacceptable manner, well, this may be a very lucky warning for you. Obviously it is good you found out about this person before more time was wasted or things went too far (nowadays, nobody thinks any particular 'distance' in a relationship is 'too far', and so one does not have to feel all that guilty about 'things' as perhaps a hundred years ago one might).

Of course nobody likes to end a relationship that had shown some promise. But it is far easier to break a Date, then it is to break an Engagement, and it is far easier to break an Engagement than to get a Divorce.

So I would advise Cutting the Knot while its still just a little string. if you put up with it now, it will only get worse.

Hmmmmm. I wonder if I would say the same thing if she was the one who wrote in? Probably. it just seems like the hostility she has for you at this stage of the relationship just is simply counter-indicative of a good happy lasting and viable relationship. Say your goodbyes... and make sure you get back your favorite Tee Shirts and the tools you left at her place. I always used to forget that stuff, and it is awkward to bring it up later.

Oh, a lot of people think they can ask for gifts back. No, you can't. Gifts are forever. My best robe was a gift from a girlfriend where things ended really ugly, but, the silver lining there is, well, I LOVE that robe.

I'm new here and pretty new to the idea of anger management. I've recently began a new relationship and all has been great so far apart from a few bumps concerning her families struggle to accept me





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asad