My story

**Posts:** 6 · by **fraz** » Fri Jul 23, 2004 2:40 pm

Hi i was wondering if anyone would be able to read my story and give me their thoughts of me.
I have been suffering from panic attacks and anxiety since i was about 17(i am now 24) and i would say i have always been a worrier even when i was little,but not nearly as bad as i am since i started having panic attacks. I know to others my worries seem stupid but to me there not,i am affraid to go anywhere fara away from home incase i panic but if i do go i have to be in control (ie take my car,i wouldnt go away in someone elses car because i couldnt get out of the sitution if i panicked out of control) i no i wouldnt panic out of control though but i cant seem to tell myself that when it comes to doing it.

I recently went away on holiday and if i'm honest i didnt enjoy myself at all,i worried the whole time about if i panicked out o control in a foreighn country,its not like when i m at home i could go to the doctors etc as i dont no where they are over in a strange country and if i did find one what could they do for me anyway,i had palpitations all the way to spain on the plane,worrying incase i panicked out of control and made a fool of mysel and what if the plane had to land in france or somethin to let me off,then i d be terrified to get back on a plane,how would i get home.And it was the same on the way home only not quite as bad as i knew i was going home,but waiting to go on the plane on the way home was worse,i kept thinking i really dont want to get on this plane incase i panic but i have to! i had no choice. The weird thing is when i was younger i used to love planes and flying i even enquired about careers at airports when i left school.i also loved going on holidays to the sun! now its my worst nightmare!

I have so many other fears,i am off work and have been for about 2 months now and i dont know how am goin to get back,what do i tell all my colleagues?i feel like i cant get through a whole working day without panicking,and i i do get through it i have it all to face again,i have been through it so many times and it doesnt seem to get any easier,i m fed up just sittin in the house but i cant even think about goin back to work,finding a new job is an even worse thought i worry all the time about work,i have been at the same employer since i left school,and i always say to mysel this is me forever cos i m too scared to look for a new job,incase i start having panic attacks there.

I have been on a number of medications through the years propanolol,citalopram and now im on seroxat. when i started taking citalopram i felt a lot better,not 100% but the best i had in a good few years,so good that i tried to come off them,i managed to get down to 1/4 tab each day for around 4months but relapsed badly,thats when i went to the gp and now am on seroxat.

So if anyone would like to read my story and give me some feedback id be most grateful,thank you

**Posts:** 254 · by **MatthewTrueland** » Fri Jul 23, 2004 7:47 pm

I can really understand how you feel not wanting to be away to long or too far incase PA happens. I am lucky as only been suffering for year and a half and MOST times can avoid a full PA if i stay off drink, however to this day i can not go anywhere without a bottle of water ( 4 ltrs a day i get through) and at least 2 packets of tunes or menthol sweets. (as you will be aware in a PA you think you can not breath) when i feel my heart jump skip or my chest tighten up i have to drink water and suck a sweet it makes me feel better almost straight away All i can say is i learnt so much from the PA tapes i got from here and the 7/11 breathing i wont say its easy but i can cope (still feels bad)
I landed a new job and means i have to travel by train all over the UK but as long as i have my sweets and water i make myself do it- trust me its not easy esp after a massive attack..
All i think im trying to say is its what you think will help if a full PA is going to happen that makes it worse try find something that makes you feel better or relaxed and take it with you....or that sound wierd?

**Posts:** 2522 · by **kfedouloff** » Fri Jul 23, 2004 9:57 pm

Hi fraz - welcome!

You say that when you were younger you used to love flying and going on holiday. So what happened? when did it change? How did it change?

It'll be great when you come out of it again, won't it?

Kathleen

**Posts:** 6 · by **fraz** » Sun Jul 25, 2004 9:54 am

I guess it all happened when i first statred having panic attacks when i was about 17,that nite(my first attack) like everyone elses was terrible,but when i got home my mum calmed me down and explained what was happening,i had no idea what a panic attack was,ever since then i have gradually got worse and i part of it i guess is why i dont like being too far away cos iif i panic i cant get home so she can calm me down,i know i have to start dealing with them on my own,but its really hard,i feel so outside myself when i have an attack,i can deal with all the physical symptoms ie dry mouth shakey legs etc,but its the uncontrollable fear i cant cope with an then its a vicious circle of terrible fear and thoughts,even if someone tells me about what they did at the weekend for example all i think is 'i could never do that or i'm glad it wasnt me having to go there or do that.

**Posts:** 6 · by **fraz** » Wed Jul 28, 2004 7:18 pm

Can anyone reply to my first post and give me any advice PLEASE i would really appreciate it

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