Anger

Hey Vixter
Hat off to you for summing yourself up the way you did. I'm surprised to see no responses, so thought I'd at least let you know I read what you wrote and send you my best wishes with it.

I'm not a great person to advise you on anger because if there's anything I struggle with myself, its anger. What I mean is that I don't have answers. You sound exactly like someone I worked with (same name, too, scary!) whose anger was - just like you describe yourself. When I say 'worked with' I mean had a hellish relationship at work with I knew then that her anger was coming from other experiences and pain, but by christ did I find it unmanageable around me, and by christ did it ever press my own buttons?!

The thing I would say, Vixter, is that I don't think I've read a clearer, more responsible account on this forum as yours. That willingness to take stock and be responsible for it (rather than make it other people's fault - which I imagine you do when you're actually in angry situations) is impressive.

All I can say is print what you wrote out, enlarge it on a photocopier and stick it somewhere you can see it and be proud of it. Change starts with facing reality and you're already there. It takes most people a long, long, time to even reach that point. And to deal with this anger and relationship to anger? Forget 'self-help', Vix, go and be willing to be vulnerable with another (professional) human being precisely because your anger is all about covering up vulnerability.

Good luck. I am going to commit the worst sin of transferrence and / or projection here, but in a way, I wish you are the person I worked with. She was so keen to be good at what she did, had her heart in the right place and had such a sense of humour and great energy and willingness but she was literally dangerous. I liked, loathed and feared her in equal measures... and I knew how much damaged her anger was doing her.

Vixter, be proud of facing your reality this way but don't waste it by just posting here for advice. Take it and use it to do the hard work. You're only going to live once and you deserve to live without anger as I do.

Best of luck