Journal entry 12.

Dear everyone,

I am reaching out for advice here goes. This girl and I started talking in the beginning of April. She told me that she just got out of a relationship the night before I started talking to her. We got closer and closer throughout the month, and then on May 3rd I asked her to become my girlfriend, she said yes. We were crazy about each other that night and told each other that we were each others'. We had the most amazing relationship. It was only about two weeks that we hung out as a couple. We shared many things in common with each other. I left for about two weeks on a vacation to Hawaii. Her and I talked every day over text and on the phone. We spent at least an hour talking on the phone while I was away and it felt as though only 20 minutes went by. As soon as I came back her and I hung out. She wanted me to come home to see her. She missed me. We told each other that we love each other like a few days after I got back. Then, all of a sudden on May 26th, her and I were watching a movie like we always do. And she said that she had to go. I was kind of being unresponsive to her. She was trying to talk to me and I was quiet because I had worked a 10 hour shift that day. I freaked out and got really scared that she left. I texted her I couldn't do it anymore and also said the same thing. I told her to call in which she did instantly. Her and I ended up crying for almost an hour over the phone. She said she was fine, but I know I hurt her. I was pouting before because she wouldn't cuddle me as she usually does, she seemed distant. I didn't know what was going on, and I asked. She didn't give a really good straightforward answer as to why she didn't. She is everything I had hoped for in a relationship. I had spent years putting together a perfect fit for how I would want the one to be and she fit every category. She never lied, cheated, and we never argued. She works a lot and is now on vacation for two weeks. Her and I agreed that we would take a break from talking, it's painful. After the break-up she asked to see me every day. But I told her that I was too heartbroken. I kept trying and I don't want to lose her. Her and I both agreed that we don't want to lose each other. What should I do? I deleted her number so I would respect her wishes in not contacting her, it's day 5 of no contact. I have researched a lot on what to do, but it's not helping. She is the one. I am hoping that she still wants to talk to me and see me when she comes back. How can I make the pain feel better. I am trying a lot here on moving on. I don't want to feel this pain, anger, and guilt anymore. She is my world. I have never cried this much in my entire life. She made everything about my life better. I am trying my best. And I am not going to give up, I would much appreciate advice.