Anger/Depression/I Don't Know

DanteRobins12 wrote:I've been raised better...

I have my doubts about that. I strongly suspect you were over-disciplined as a child, and felt unloved by your primary caregivers. Who else could instill such string self-contempt in you?

DanteRobins12 wrote:So I've been this way for many years. For many reasons. At one point, I cut myself and attempted suicide three times because I felt I deserved to be punished. I eventually grew out of that thanks to God and support but recently I've found myself in the same cycle of screwing up then feeling bad that I screwed up then hating myself, then arguing with the mindset that says I'm a horrible person that deserves to be punished, to getting angry and hitting a wall or hitting myself. I'm with an amazing woman that I want to marry but I fear that if I don't get help that she's will leave me so she can save herself from me. I've never hit or abused her by the way. I've been raised better, but my anger at myself scares her and I don't want her to be afraid of me...please if There's anyone passing by and sees this...please help me...I just wanna be normal...

Hi Dante,

Welcome to the Forum.

Reading your post my impression is that you react Emotionally and Dramatically – Melodramatically – to your Anger and probably to your other occasional moral lapses. To you this may seem normal. Maybe everyone in your family is equally emotional. Maybe it IS Normal. Some Cultures have a Higher Emotional Baseline. The Latins are more Emotional than the English, to give one example. But High Emotions are very taxing, not only on your Self, but upon your ‘Audience’. I often ask people if they are Angry in the Same Way if they do not have an Audience. I myself used to be especially Angry if other people were present. I think that if I felt Disappointed or Insulted or Whatever, that I somehow OWED IT to everyone in the Room to SHOW them Exactly how I Felt. Of course, all that Drama is Unnecessary and almost entirely Unwanted. Believe me, if you screw up, everyone will already Know It. Often the only thing necessary is to say, “Sorry about that”. But some People DO act just as Dramatically when they are Alone. I believe it is a kind of Seeing One’s Self In a Movie kind of Thing.

Mostly this kind of Self Dramatization is rooted in the Belief that One is Very Important. Yes, some people ARE very important. But MOST People, in this World of 7 Billion People are Redundant Millions of Times Over. It will Help You to become Less Obsessed with the Drama of Guilt if you can only realize how insignificant you are. You see, THAT is why All of the Major Religions have encouraged Humility and Modesty, not to Lower One’s Self but to allow one the Peace of knowing one’s True Place. It Takes the Pressure Off. If you are not so High Up, you can worry less about Falling.

So, what I think you need, Dante, is a new Mind Set. You need to be Intentionally Calculating… yes, COLD and Calculating. You need to Exercise those More Steady and Stable Intellectual Centers in your Brain. Your Intellect, if you let it, can help Anchor you when you would otherwise be tossed about by your Emotions.

Then then you need to get a shelf of good Anger Management Books (the ones by actual Trained Psychologists and Professional Medical People are far better than the Books Written by those Predatory New Age Scam Authors). You need to DO Anger Management Activities Daily for several Years in order to significantly Improve your Behavior, that is, at a core reliable level where you can trust yourself not to ‘Strut the Stage, Flailing your Arms and Stomping your Feet’.

Yes, your Lady Friend would be sensible to leave you. You need to prepare yourself for that eventuality. Indeed, you should tell her that by any serious appraisal, even if you Did Your Best To Resolve your Anger Issue, that You would STILL be Prone to Anger for the Foreseeable Future, and that if she were pragmatic, she would see being with you as too great a Personal Risk (You have not Hit her YET) and leave you and not look back, and that you would perfectly understand. Besides, the Reality of it is that Most People don’t really take Anger Management Seriously until they Absolutely Bottom Out. In your own case, you might read one or two books and they might help you temporarily enough so you don’t think you have a problem anymore and then you will slowly go back to being Hamlet stalking your Castle. A lot of Women have been Through this Kind of thing Before, with their Men claiming that they will Get Help and Change, and then a Year or even just Six Months later, it all starts over again. How many times have I heard about Women ‘Wasting their Lives’ on Angry Men. The Smart Ones know when to Bail.

If you are Serious, then Anger Management has to become something of a Personal Religion for you, and you must Ritualize some Steady Program of Working With or Studying Anger Management and Anger Management Principles. I myself am saving my money to buy Ronald Potter-Efron’s College Textbook that he had written on Anger Management. This Anger Management Stuff can get DEEP. It can Certainly Help You, but all the Effort and Will Power have to come from You.

Please never do this and try to reduce anger mood because do suicide is sin for everyone. No more hate yourself and allways live happily with your family. No one like anger person and anger mood.