My girlfriend has ended our relationship.

**Posts:** 20 · by **devaalman** » Thu Sep 22, 2016 6:25 pm

Hi Forum,
I am a new member. I have just returned from her house. She ended our 18 month relationship. We are in our 30s. She said she needs to try fix herself without having the pressure of a relationship and doesnt want to feel hurried into being 'well'. She is going to go to counselling. She has been before a few years ago. She said there is alot of things from the past she needs to face.
We both told each other how special we are to each other. We basically cried and hugged for an hour. She said she would rather end it now on good terms then later on bad terms.
I said I will respect her space but I wish things could be different.
I feel so bad for her facing this. She has told 1 or 2 close friends.

I dont want this to be about me or anything.
Would just like to hear if anyone else has been in this situation?
I really dont know what I can do.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Thu Sep 22, 2016 10:11 pm

devaalman wrote:I really dont know what I can do.

You don't do anything other than respect her decision.

This is a very common issue. It is a common way people end relationships when they are unhappy. They say, "It's me, not you." Another is that they need to go find themselves. Both are BS, but still effective ways to end a relationship on good terms.

Point being, she has made the decision that she wants to move on without you. All you can do is part ways on good terms. Move forward in your life. Do not agree to wait for her or to take her back in the future, after she has found herself, etc. Just accept it was not the right relationship and move on.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sun Sep 25, 2016 7:32 am

What's your gut instinct telling you to do?

**Posts:** 20 · by **devaalman** » Sun Sep 25, 2016 12:24 pm

JuliusFawcett wrote:What's your gut instinct telling you to do?

hi there,
i guess my gut is saying its over and she doesnt want me in her life.

**Posts:** 20 · by **devaalman** » Sun Sep 25, 2016 7:21 pm

JuliusFawcett wrote:What's your gut instinct telling you to do?

Its all still fresh. I am feeling numb. From the two replies I have received I see that I have to move on with my life. If she felt comfortable with me being in her life the depression would not matter. She has decided to move on without me.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sun Sep 25, 2016 9:01 pm

What's stopping you from letting it go and moving on with your life?

**Posts:** 20 · by **devaalman** » Sun Sep 25, 2016 9:06 pm

I love her and want to be there for her.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sun Sep 25, 2016 9:09 pm

so what's your next step?

**Posts:** 20 · by **devaalman** » Sun Sep 25, 2016 9:23 pm

I really don't know. She told me to respect her space. I agreed to.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Mon Sep 26, 2016 6:28 am

It's important to look after yourself at this challenging time

**Posts:** 20 · by **devaalman** » Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:00 am

JuliusFawcett wrote:It's important to look after yourself at this challenging time

I told her the night we last spoke that I was here for her if she needed to talk. Should I just focus on myself, work and meeting friends? I am worried for her. It's hard to switch off.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Mon Sep 26, 2016 2:11 pm

devaalman wrote:...Should I just focus on myself, work and meeting friends? I am worried for her. It's hard to switch off.

Yes. Focus on yourself. She doesn't need someone to "worry" on her behalf. She has made it clear. Move on with your life. I know it is not easy as no one likes rejection. Still, it is part of life.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Mon Sep 26, 2016 5:24 pm

devaalman wrote:
JuliusFawcett wrote:It's important to look after yourself at this challenging time

I told her the night we last spoke that I was here for her if she needed to talk. Should I just focus on myself, work and meeting friends? I am worried for her. It's hard to switch off.

Only you know what is right for you, listen to the quiet voice of your conscience. Can you accept that this might not be easy?

**Posts:** 20 · by **devaalman** » Mon Sep 26, 2016 7:28 pm

Only you know what is right for you, listen to the quiet voice of your conscience. Can you accept that this might not be easy?[/quote]

Thank you. I see now the best thing to do is not to contact her again. I will find this tough to do but it is the best thing for me to do. I cant invest my thought and time in thinking about her. She has let me go. I say all this with a great amount of sadness. But in the long run I need to protect myself.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Mon Sep 26, 2016 8:46 pm

Yes, looking after yourself is vital

My girlfriend has ended our relationship.

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