Feeling blocked

I feel I'm blocked in every direction. I had a career I was in for 26 years. My world revolved around law and the strength of a contract.

But this dissolved in front of my eyes when I saw not one but many instances where I attempted to sue for payment on my contract and judges simply threw it out saying that the contract wasn't worth anything. Leaving my only option to take the issue to a higher Court which would have required a lawyer more money and then there was the problem of collection even if I did win .

So not once but several times I was in this predicament and not only a judge told me the worthlessness of my contract but also the governing body of mine industry would not even back me up because they didn't want to get involved. I had paid my governing body monthly to keep my license but when it came time to ask them for something they basically threw me under the bus and didn't want to get involved.

I felt failed by my industry by my peers I felt failed by my clients and by the legal system. After being screwed numerous times in 2014 I quit.

Since then I tried to advertise some things I have done in the background . I have developed websites, ran social media campaigns Etc but I have not been able to draw traffic to my website and the calls that I do get expect to get things for free or very little money hence I find myself in a position where I am not creating an income.

I've been to several employment agencies looking for work and even though I have solid backgrounds in several different areas all they have done is point me to large box stores such as Home Depot.

Now I find myself running out of savings, and also at 52 years of age I find my body failing me as well. Some days my back is so painful the first thing I do is reach for Advil. I fear that even if I could find a job I wouldn't be able to perform my work because of my back.

It might sound Petty but I'll give you an example, one of my background is in the film industry. I have all the equipment necessary to produce a full-length feature film, yet I try to make a short demo reel and as many times as I have upgraded my computer there seems to always be a bottleneck something stopping me from achieving even a short video.

So then I turn to my other backgrounds in mechanics and advertise for work in that but when I tell somebody a quote they all end up saying that the car is not even worth that much so I don't know if it's the area I live in that they're just doesn't seem to be any work in my line or if it's me but basically anything I've tried to do in the last 2 years and previous to that seem to end up at a stop lock end so much so that I actually wonder if I'm possessed!

I know that may sound silly but things happen to me that I have no explanation for. And not just once or twice quite often! I'll give you one example; I was walking towards our patio doors to let our dog out . I was about 5 feet away from them when one of them literally exploded in my face! It was tempered glass so the glass stayed where it was but the entire pane was shattered. I picked up my cell phone and began to record it and you could still hear it crackling in the video.

Of course my first thought was that it was an attempt on my life and somebody tried to shoot me but there was no hole in the glass no point where the crack started from it literally splintered evenly all over. These are free-floating patio doors so they were not under any stress. They sit on a track on rollers and the rollers are on Springs so there is no way there could be a stress against them. It was neither a cold day or a hot day so it wasn't temperature related. And to make matters really freaky it was not the outside door or the inside door but the middle door that blew up ! So it's not like something could have hit the window from the outside or from the inside these doors are sandwiched within each other there are 4 panes and it was a middle pain that blew up.

But there are many things that have happened to me and I just have to wonder why. In the same time frame that the door blew up three other items of glass broke. My car windshield, again there was no stone chip where it could have started from it just cracked right across. This of course I could put down as a stress crack but it seem coincidental that it happened around the same time as the patio door blowing up. Thirdly my cell phone which is also glass that I look at each day went missing.

To me this seems like glass is the window that you look forward through and because its glass that is breaking, it means a block wherever I look.

The other block I mentioned.. my computer.. another "glass" I look at all the time is always bottlenecked.. it seems my gaze or direction is again being blocked or am I just nuts?

I tried texting it but we couldn't find it I actually called the phone company to disable the line in case it was lost or stolen. Then one day I had to get something out of a high cupboard that we usually never use we put things up there in boxes that are rarely used. So I pull these boxes out of the high cupboard and what is sitting behind them? My cell phone.

There are many stories like this. And maybe I am reaching for an answer and maybe this is all simply coincidence but I feel blocked in every direction I turn.

Who's going to hire a 52 year old man with a bad back and no formal education in anything. What is there left for me?