by Candid » Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:33 am
I personally don't believe in unreasonable anger, nor that anger is a bad thing. I believe our anger exists to let us know our selfhood and/or our personal boundaries have been violated, so we can do something about it.
A father who routinely comes home drunk, calls a family member names and is generally shouty and obnoxious, is compromising the sanctity of family and your right to peace and privacy in your home. You've got fed up with his behaviour and are letting him know how it feels to be on the receiving end.
It is not your fault that you get the urge to shout at him. You never know how he's going to show up, do you? Some ways it would be easier on you if he was always obnoxious, then at least you'd know what to expect. The switching between good dad/bad dad just keeps you on edge.
But let's look at it another way: as a possibly intergenerational issue. If you grow up to be an unpredictable, shouty individual just like dear old dad, will that be your fault or his? And how will it play out in the home and family you set up for yourself?
If you don't know much about how your father grew up, it might be interesting to ask some questions. Maybe his father did more than just shout, instead laying about with his fists. Who knows?
There are reasons for why people end up the way they do. No one starts out addicted to booze (or anything else) or foul-tempered; something happened to make them that way.
I'm not suggesting you let him walk or shout all over you, but maybe a bit of compassion will improve things for both of you.