Lewis Miller wrote:I feel angry all the time, I try to hide it because I can't contain it when I snap. I end up getting the urge to punch things, it sounds stupid and I feel stupid for it but I can't control it, I have damaged my hand multiple time, with the most recent being the worst. I am asking for advice to control my anger.
Good Morning M. Miller
Recently a Lady wrote in, Ms. Daisyclose, and she also had uncontrollable anger bordering on Rage. I have been writing more and more about Adrenaline and have gotten more and more insights about it, as it regards anger. What I wrote to her seemed the best expo so far. Please let me cut and paste what I told her:
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Daisy, your problem is with Adrenaline. That is the Fight Flight hormone. You see, back in Caveman Times if a sabretooth tiger were to walk into your camp, the perceived danger and threat would cause a surge release of Adrenaline in not just you but everybody else. Those who could run away would run away like gazelles, much faster than they could ever ordinarily run because the adrenaline maximizes the nerve signals to the muscles and increases the rate of energy Metabolization. Those who are cornered and have to fight would be Wild and Berserk and their strength and agility would seem multiplied. People don’t usually ‘roar’ but people who experience a full blown Adrenaline rush can ‘roar’ and roar quite loud. And so these Primitives could respond effectively to a sabretooth tiger attack. To them Adrenaline was a kind of Magic Elixir in times of danger.
Now, of course, when you experience such full blown Adrenaline Rushes, you realize that it is way too much. Indeed, the way you described the glass candle, that you do not even remember picking it up. Well that is consistent to Adrenaline Rush Black Outs. At least you remember most of what went on. There are Stories about seemingly mild mannered office workers who have flipped out and gone on 3 or 4 minute complete office rampages – throwing office chairs through the plate glass windows, tossing telephones through the plasterboard walls, flipping over desks and pulling down filing cabinets. Coworkers running for their lives. Even Security People holding back out of fear. But then, suddenly they just stop, with a blank look on their face. After about 10 or 20 seconds the expression comes back to their eyes and they look around and say “What the ____ happened here?”. The Adrenaline was SO intense that their Response dropped totally all the way down from the Higher Cognitive Parts of the Brain down to where the Brain is just Pure Animal. And you can see how effective the Adrenaline Rush actually is, in the Purely Animal kind of way. The Big Burly Security Goons afraid to approach a little bespeckled office worker because of the sheer animal intensity being displayed.
Oh, it isn’t always bad. You have heard stories about how mothers, when a car would roll over and trap their baby, how they would roar in alarm and then just reach down and a pick up the car and throw it aside. Yes, it has happened more than once. The Mothers never remember doing it. The Adrenaline pulled them out of the Highly Evolved Human Part of their Brain and brought them down to where they could find the most purely instinctive and primal Animal Strength. Way below the Level of Cognitive Consciousness.
Anyway, you want to KNOW what you can do to STOP an Adrenaline Rush because most the time you aren’t meeting up sabretooth tigers and cars aren’t rolling up and over your babies. The Trick is to catch the Very First Physiological Hint that Adrenaline is being released. Yes, EVERYBODY describes these Anger Attacks as having been Instantaneously Sudden, but not really. The way it works is that for around 3 Seconds Adrenaline is being released on the orders of Subconscious Centers in the Brain. After those 3 Seconds you begin to Consciously understand that you are Enraged, and then people typically take another second or two to before they launch into their attacks – the time it takes to get poised before striking. Now, yes, if you let the First 3 Seconds go by, where you are not even Conscious that you are Angry, then you have little chance of being able to Control what happens. Most of the Adrenaline is already circulating and doing its Animal Energy thing. So you need to learn to Recognize the First FEELING you get from Adrenaline. Its NOT what you are Thinking. It is a Feeling you get in your Body.
THE FIRST SIGN OF AN ADRENALINE RUSH IS THAT YOU WILL CLENCH YOU TEETH… YOUR JAW MUSCLES TIGHTEN… YOU WILL CLOSE YOUR MOUTH TIGHT AND START BREATHING THROUGH YOUR NOSE. You see, the Jaw Muscles are situated between the Brain and the Adrenal Glands right next to the Artery that carries the Blood. So the Jaw Muscle is at an important crossroads and is the first body part to get the Adrenaline.
The Rest is so Easy you won’t believe it until you see it… experience it. As soon as you sense that your Jaw Muscles clench up, SIMPLY RELAX THEM. Open your mouth and take a deep breath. One lady on this Forum says that once she understood about Adrenaline she found that she CANNOT get Angry if she just keeps her mouth open. As long as she keeps breathing through her mouth she can stay calm.
I believe what is happening and that Evolution has given us an Adrenaline On/Off Switch. You know, sometimes the mangy Dog walking outside the Hut at first LOOKS LIKE a sabretooth tiger and so we began to get fired up, but just as quickly we recognize it as a Dog, and so these Primitive People probably knew from experience that all they had to do was open their mouths, breath, relax and shake it off. “It was only that stupid Dog”. But for some unexplainable reason it seems that in this Modern Day and Age that Nobody, except for a few of us here at Anger Management, know about Shutting Down an Adrenaline Rush with the Jaw Relaxation Reflex Response.
But you have to Respond to your jaws tightening Instantaneously. You can’t think about for a second because in that second a great deal of Adrenaline can be released by the Adrenal Glands. So you might have to Practice, so you know what your Jaw Tightening feels like, and so you are practiced at the Relaxation Response. When I first decided to Practice with Adrenaline I got a Pin and was going to stab it into my hand but it turns out that All You Have To Do is INTEND to stab a pin into your hand. As soon as your Body thinks that you are serious about stabbing yourself with a pin, it will release some Adrenaline and you can feel those jaw muscles clench, and THEN you need to relax. You should only take the smallest of a fraction of a second to go from Tighten to Relax. With Practice it is like you only let your jaw muscle twitch for an instant.
Oh, with continual awareness and observation you will find that your Jaw Muscles often tighten up at others times. Sometimes when I bend over to thump and kiss one of my Kitty Cats, my jaw muscles will tighten. I guess that is because my Subconscious Mind still sees Kitty Cats as potentially dangerous little Wild Animals. But that is why Evolution gave us the Turn Off Switch for Adrenaline. The Jaw Tightening is Only a Warning and we can chose to dismiss it. Also, Human Affection may be accompanied by Jaw Tightening. Again, deep down subconsciously we are aware that Affection can be accepted or rejected. In evolutionary terms, expressing your affection in a seriously evolutionary way always carried some risks, both for the male and the female. Again, we can see the Jaw Tightening as a warning and dismiss it.
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