Journal 16.

I know it has been awhile for me to write. I lost someone who means a lot to me. She was the one I have been waiting for and I lost her. The guy who took her away was my friend. I gave her respect and she threw me under the bus. I have been dealing with this all summer, and that is why I haven't written in awhile. It has been painful, but I am feeling better. It still hurts. I am not attracted to her anymore, but I still love her, and will always love her. I honestly find it hilarious that she chose him over me. I still can't believe she did this to me. He is the exact opposite of who I am. He is one of those guys who thinks he is in a frat, but not. I haven't talked to her, since June 9th. I have been getting better at healing from break-ups which I am not so sure is a good thing. I am doing a lot of soul searching. I see her almost everyday with her new guy. I use to be friends with him. I do not understand why she would do this. They are already official on Facebook. I feel that this is a rebound relationship, it seems as though they are rubbing it in my face because they always come to my work and make a big scene. I don't know why I am still not over it. This irritates me. I get mad at myself because I am not over it. I am happy in life, I just want rid of this anger and irritation. That is why I completely ended things with her. She could work on herself, but yet, she is already in another relationship. I know I don't have a chance winning her back, and honestly I would not want her back. I like the idea better than actually winning her back. I just don't want to feel this way anymore. She told me that she couldn't handle romance which obviously not true because she's with someone else already. Things are easier but it still hurts. I only knew her for two months. I don't understand how I am not over it. I have healed a lot more quickly than my last one. I am trying to forgive her and move on, but part of me is wanting her and I getting back together which I know is not a good idea.