First of all, a very big thank you to all who have contributed and participated in this forum. I know it's been said many times, but this really is the best source of information I have been able to find regarding marijuana PAWS. Hearing about your symptoms, experiences and milestones have given me strength and reassurance that I am not going crazy and that there has been a reason for feeling the symptoms I have been experiencing.
As of the new year, I am 7 months clean from smoking weed and THC concentrates. Like many of you, this habit started with social and moderate use at first, probably 4-5 years ago. However, when I gave up Alcohol almost 2 years ago, that's when I progressed to daily use and from flower to more oils/concentrates. I had no idea how physically dependent my body and mind had become. For reference, I am Male/early 30s. Towards the end of my usage, I was smoking daily, typically high as soon as i got home from work and then high 24/7 on weekends and holidays, and I would have to smoke myself back to sleep in the middle of the night, just to sleep though the night. I ignored the warning signs and continued to use, despite the increasing anxiety, depression and insomnia, which I was medicating away with the THC. It wasn't until things progressed with my now girlfriend, and I experienced some libido/ED issues, that I knew I had to quit.
At first, I was anticipating some increased anxiety and maybe a week or so of sleep disturbance. I was so wrong.
Immediately after quitting, I couldn't sleep (at all), I couldn't eat, was on the constant edge of panic attack, terrible anxiety, terrible headache, constant nausea, shakiness, morning sickness/vomiting, obsessive/racing negative thoughts and my libido flat-lined. Progress was slow and out of desperation I started various medications to get even a little bit of sleep. At first I thought maybe this would last a month, then 3, then 6, but now, who knows.
Month 1: Symptoms above with high intensity, this was agony
Month 2: Started taking temazepam for sleep but only average 3-4 hours with some sleepless nights, appetite slowly returned, anxiety still high, headache still high, low libido
Month 3: Now taking Doxepin for sleep, avg. 4-5 hours still with some sleepless nights, appetite returned, anxiety now in waves instead of constant dread, low libido
Month 4-5: Doxepin usage ramps up, now taking at antidepressant dosages rather than dosage for insomnia. Still only average 5-6 hours sleep. Some libido improvements but seems to be tied to sleep quality and anxiety. Intermittent waves of anxiety and now depression creeps in. Still waves of racing thoughts, low energy, low motivation etc.
Things seemed to worsen in Month 6 due to a number of factors and changes. There were some side effects from the doxepin, plus I thought it was time to ween off the medication, but as soon as I stopped, sleep, anxiety and depression worsened. I moved apartments in the beginning of December and it took quite the toll on me physically and emotionally (being out of routine etc.). I have been relying on Ambien to get some sleep this past month, and i am stiill being crushed by depression and worsened anxiety. Not sure if this is a wave of PAWS, doxepin withdrawal, or just the addition of seasonal depression (SAD), but my work and relationship have been suffering massively as I can't focus on any tasks. I have very low motivation/energy and everyday is a struggle.
Despite all of the negative aspects I listed above, I recognize how much progress I have made. There are increasing moments of time in the day or week where I feel somewhat normal and can function normally. I've learned to be grateful for those periods and enjoy them while they last. Most importantly, I recognize the importance of this period of time in my life to re-wire my reward pathways after so much instant-gratification dopamine from the THC over the years. This has been and continues to be the biggest test of my life.
I am going to a psychiatrist tomorrow morning to discuss antidepressants. I would prefer not to take any AD's but I can't take another soul crushing month like December. Deep sadness and crying spells during the holidays were not fun.
If anyone has any thoughts on taking antidepressants during PAWS or any advice in general, I would greatly appreciate it. I hope to only take them for say 12 months and then come off but who knows.
Bless you all and thanks again.