Toxic bdsm relationship

**Posts:** 3 · by **Jolan** » Mon Dec 13, 2021 9:48 pm

at the beginning, he was just saying me things like “sl ut” etc. But he begins to say things like I am not able to understand what he says, I am stupid etc which I am sure I am not these. maybe because of this self confidence I have, I still think I can be with him again. But I know he will keep doing this and will get worse. So broke up. He first said me “ when you regret call me maybe I’ll accept” and than said things like **** off and the next day he text me if I am regretted again. I wish he loved me too. He always said that but he lied. I loved being his slave and I was always so sincere to him. Ready to find him a girl for ffm. He said to me I am special, other girls would be for fun, he wants to see me getting used etc. I was okay with it, because I was sure no girl would understand him as I do, and no girl as clever as I am would want to be with that psycho anyway (I am with him because I have some problems about my self I am sure). So everything was going fine, than he starts to humiliate me in a way that is not sexy, just narsistic and toxic. I think he hates women, he wants to take advantage of them. And even me being clever and all, he doesnt care. He just want to use me as a girl who is ready for anything.
So I am aware. But I still want to be with him, I dont have any proud. Why am I like that. I just want to block him but I cant because I know he’s going to text me bcz he doesnt have another slave. I know even if I go back to him, he would continiue to treat me like sh** and maybe leave me. He buys me present at first, so I would leave him. Now everything is like opposite.

I am more sick than he is.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Tue Dec 14, 2021 12:00 am

Jolan wrote: I am more sick than he is.

It does not matter who is more sick. It is not a game of comparison. Focus on yourself and what you want.

I recommend you find someone else. Learn to separate what you want sexually (BDSM) from what you want beyond sex (Family, career, etc.).

It sounds like the relationship is purely sexual. Am I wrong?

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Tue Dec 14, 2021 12:02 am

One more thing…having a kink or fetish in the bedroom doesn’t make anyone “sick”. It’s very normal. But, if it is toxic, if the fetish/kink is the primary driver or reason for the relationship, that will most likely result in toxic outcomes.

**Posts:** 3 · by **Jolan** » Wed Dec 15, 2021 7:45 am

No, It was not purely sexual. He seemed like he cared about me. He called me everyday, he took care of my problems. He was always by my side. I felt safe. He said he loved me and I was special. Than when I said I want to leave from you, because I dont believe your love, he said yes I made all that up. So all those things were a lie.

No, i am not saying I am sick because I am into kinks. I say that because I can’t stop wanting to be with him although he doesn’t actually love me, and more importantly he abuses me.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Wed Dec 15, 2021 1:33 pm

Jolan wrote:No, i am not saying I am sick because I am into kinks. I say that because I can’t stop wanting to be with him although he doesn’t actually love me, and more importantly he abuses me.

Okay. That can be an issue. People in abusive relationships often times find it difficult to emotionally break away from the abuser. The good news is that you recognize it is a problem. Many people don’t.

Knowing it is a problem, what can you do about it? You need to create distance, both physically/digitally and emotionally.

Physically/digitally: without creating actual distance it is almost impossible to create conditions to heal. In the past it was only a physical issue, leaving to go live somewhere else. But today, with technology it also means creating digital barriers, blocking phone numbers, deleting profiles, etc.

Emotionally: you want to engage in activities that focus your time on productive thoughts, helping others, creating new friendships, learning something new, engaging in things that make new connections.

**Posts:** 3 · by **Jolan** » Wed Dec 15, 2021 8:35 pm

Thanks.

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