What do I do I also hate my family. I want to be white, why do I desire this? I guess because I hate my family as they are abusive and evil. I hate them. I was wondering in the scope of eternity and eternal pastures in the kingdom of Heaven, will there be such thing as old family ties on earth? Will I have to face my family, the people I hate? I also hope to be white in heaven, if I ask God can He do it? I know this is a weird trajectory, but the desire is so strong that I think it has to be the will of God. I hope in heaven I never have to see people I do not love or care about. I know I have to learn to love my brother and sister as I love myself but I am tired of living like this. I want to love those who will be helpful and good to me, not evil. I can't love evil.
What do I do. How can I leave evil family members and find my way in life? I work hard, but I do not make enough. I am going through hard times already in 2021. Please someone help me.