How do I help my man's self-esteem in regard to his penis?

Do you not find it unhealthy that you have committed yourself for life to a man you apparently don’t really know?

What I mean, is that either:

-1- you two have not been dating long enough to know each other or...
-2- you have dated a long time but have crap communication.

Which one?

Communication. Definitely a lack of communication.

Okay...neither answer allows you to know this man. In other words, do you not find it concerning that you are willing to marry a person you don’t really know? How do you date a significant length of time without knowing about his low self esteem or issue with spanking you?

Think of it this way. Two people meet and spend 10 years together, but don’t communicate. They don’t actually know each other, right? How could they actually know each others likes and dislikes, each other’s needs, values and beliefs given a lack of communication? They can’t.

Do you think it a good idea they get married?

Let’s say you resolve the spanking and penis size issue. What next? You don’t know because you have not communicated and currently lack communication.

Okay...put all the above aside. I’m only pointing out that it sounds like you might want to reconsider or at least question why you would be so head over heels about a man that up until recently you were unable to discuss or failed to discuss something as important as overall sexual compatibility.

Moving forward, I recommend as a couple you learn to communicate. Get to know each other...really get to know each other. Up until this point you guys are not being entirely open. You guys are telling each other what you want to hear, You are being reserved and letting your actual beliefs trickle out. It is like you are both wearing a kind of mask, you holding back some of your fantasies and him holding back his fear of sexual inadequacy.

I’m guessing, but you sound willing to be more open so this is the path I would take. Take the lead and expose your own vulnerabilities. Put it all out there. This will encourage him to be more open. As he gains comfort he will trust you more and communication will improve.

And avoid saying that his issue or fear is no big deal or that you don’t care about the size, etc. It might be true that you don’t care, but that is not how he will open up.

That is very helpful, thank you. I am definitely more communicative. He shuts down. It's something we're working on but something that can be overcome. I don't understand why he feels so inadequate but I do know he has had a horrible family life and didn't receive the love all children deserve when growing up. That seems to have changed his ideas of how people communicate. I had a similar upbringing but have done tons of work on myself to try to overcome my communication issues and fears, now I need to help him to do the same, it seems. Again, that was sage advice and I appreciate it.

are you marrying him because he is stable and "willing to look the other way" on some things that you wish he would change?
remember if you lie to us it wont make any difference the only person who will suffer is you and most likely him.

because you want to marry someone who you don't really accept fully and who doesn't accept you fully

but on your penis size comment. he most likely asked because he can tell he doesn't satisfy you
usually a dude doesn't ask about previous bf unless he can tell you are not really fully satisfied.
trust me dudes are not brainless penis machines. we do notice small details that you think we miss.


also its not his insecurity or self esteem issue as you put it, you just created his self esteem issue , put yourself in his position.
not only you told him you like being spanked and roughed up which he assumes was your previous sex life. but also with a big dong dude.
so chances are complete season of bangbros and blacked played in his head in seconds as he imagined what could possibly be going on with you and your previous bf...

you gonna have to raise his confidence level back up because from now on he will associate sex with you as massive stress unless you change that mindset of his quickly
you can tell him that even though that other dude was bigger he didn't get as hard as him... etc
im not gonna go into many details lol probably get banned from here

cherm wrote:Communication. Definitely a lack of communication.

I believe that even abundant communication can be useless when we talk about such a delicate topic my girlfriends told me about their bf with small tools. Usually such relations didn't last long.

Hi, I thought Id ask the question as Ive not been around for a while and was wondering how you all are. Anything specific youd like prayer for?