The word "Gay" randomly enters my mind all the time

What if it was the word apple? Still a horrible thing that would make you not be able to socialize? How about the word murder?

It is only the implied significance you are personally attaching to it.

Thank you for the reply. How do detach from the word? There's obviously something not right

I think that all men have a feminine side, Nowadays it is a fact, women have a male side, and men have a female side, There are women who play American football, boxing, And men who weave, or do any activity that previously could be considered only of women

It happened to me once, not to feel sexually attracted to men, but to feel as if I were in love with a man, a friend, Made me doubt my sexuality

But over time, when I met gay men, I realized that I did not like men, in the sexual sense, but I also have to admit that I was raised with the idea of being a "macho alpha", very structured, rude , Of little feelings, very forced, very repressed, partly because the young people are like this, they make fun of people, when we are young we are all like that, we make fun of the gay, men compete to evaluate "who is the More macho ", and things like that, that generates a conditioning

I think it is important to accept the feminine side of one, without implying having a sexual inclination for men, I do not know, a part inside one says "strive to be the best man of the woman of your dreams" and another part Says "relax and you are simply an integral human, with its masculine and feminine side"

For example a long time ago I remember having a girlfriend who liked to write what she thought and felt in a personal diary, for my part I never did, I always found that activity as something exclusively of women, But when I incorporate the habit, it helps me a lot, to get to know my emotions better, it helps me to express myself better, to understand myself better,

I like to play the guitar and sometimes I sing keenly like a woman, for example with the song of adele "hello", I allow myself, Without condemning me, I think we all have a child inside, Repressed, full of orders, and sometimes it is good to get him to play, without judging or condemning him or saying "This is girls and this is boys"

Sometimes I also dance like a woman when no one sees me, But I'm just playing, Fantasizing, I do not take it as something serious, I like women, Sexually I am attracted to women

But for some men I sometimes feel more understood, and that makes me feel love, emotional affinity, mental affinity, a greater affinity in those dimensions, usually I have difficulties to understand myself with a woman, difficulties to feel that fellowship that friendship that I feel sometimes being with a friend

What if i told you that what you are thinking in your head is not real but it only becomes real when you look for it. Sure the human mind have millions of thoughts per day but we are only consumed by the ones that are most relevant in our lives. Yeah you committed a shameful act which now consume you in thought amd depression but you have not overcome the shame and depression from the lifestyle you use to live. Once you accept the fact that what you did was a shameful act and you will never revisit it again in your life time, then will your thoughts disappear and never will enter again. Your past lifestyle your will soon forget.

Thank you for the replies. I've tried to acknowledge the word that it means nothing to me and it somewhat worked for 3 or so weeks. Now it's almost come back as it was before though. It's like I can't stay in the frame of mind that it doesn't bother me. How do I overcome this? How do I become comfortable with the word? Thanks in advance

Sounds like HOCD to me. Hypnotherapy might help.

Ok I'd just like to say thank you for the replies. There's a couple of HOCD vids on youtube, one in particular called the exposure technique. I built up enough courage to give it a try and it absolutely worked. I'm still learning about OCD and how to handle thoughts but theres no power left in the unwanted thought I was having. I've never felt so great and I feel I'm well on the way to a happy life again now. Thankyou again !

It's just a word, try to think of it that way. It's just some sounds put together, just some markings on paper when it's written down. It's just a few letters. Imagine it as just another bunch of letter and sounds among all the others you use every day. Nothing special. Hope you manage to find something that works for you.

Mango7 wrote:Ok I'd just like to say thank you for the replies. There's a couple of HOCD vids on youtube, one in particular called the exposure technique. I built up enough courage to give it a try and it absolutely worked. I'm still learning about OCD and how to handle thoughts but theres no power left in the unwanted thought I was having. I've never felt so great and I feel I'm well on the way to a happy life again now. Thankyou again !

I'm so glad to hear that. I wish you all the best in future battles!

Mango7 wrote:There's a couple of HOCD vids on youtube, one in particular called the exposure technique.

Will you give us the link? You'd be surprised how regularly someone turns up here with HOCD.