My anger is going to get me killed !

I'm glad you came back to us, PTSDvet. I've been trawling Pete Walker's PTSD website and it has great advice for sufferers who want to help themselves. He also has a couple of books out.

Bodhidharma wrote:Maybe you love the anger within like a great dragon inside bursting to get out and that's how you live and you love being angry you say you don't but you do.

Need is the primary factor here. Whether one appreciates one's needs or would wish them away, one likes, or you could even say love if you must, relieving one's needs. The metaphor of the dragon is simply a that it might be the case that he'd like to be a more powerful person, most people would after all. But anger and power don't equate generally. So it's unlikely that he likes being angry, but yes he probably likes relieving his anger to a certain extent, before he calms down and must deal with the consequences.

Like a great dragon and you be all like bruce like and.......aawwhhh.. chop

maybe thats your great strength. Be angry and turn into a hulk....a big green hulk and smash stuff up and no one going to stop you cause they all little girls and you a big man so...its like a power trip.

Ridicule can temporarily subdue the outward effects of anger, but to the best of my knowledge it doesn't help long run.

My suggestion Bodhidarma, if you're going to speak metaphorically rather than use the more formal type of analysis's that most here use, then at least try to be accurate with your metaphors. Your not clever or profound just for speaking of dragons, Bruce Lee, and the Hulk, you need to use the metaphors effectively.

PTSDvet wrote: … i escalate so fast when i get angry i even scare myself , i barely remember friday which is when i almost went after this guy, i have never had that much adreniline going through me then i did the other day, it's scaring me now and it's to the point i almost can't help myself - anyone have any ideas because the alternitive is my wife is going to get " the call" , not to mention im in recovery for alcoholism so i only make it much worse on myself because i could possibly drink - i dont know what to do anymore - i had another episode a few years ago i chased a guy , long story - I"M DESPERATE !

Yes, your case appears to be one of the more extreme kind. I’ve heard of rage being so uncontrolled that the person ‘blacks out’ and can’t remember the details afterward. I guess that can be caused by a kind of an overdose on adrenaline. For extreme cases of anger, I would recommend “Rage” by Ronald Potter-Efron. He had written another Anger Management book -- “Angry All The Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control”, which is the better of the two books if you only have ordinary levels of Anger. But you have Rage – Explosive and potentially dangerous levels of anger, and so the more frightening of the two books is the one you want.

Now, for me to tell you what I think my hunch about you is. I’m no expert, but I think that you are gradually becoming more and more dependent on adrenaline rushes – you are becoming addicted and need higher and higher levels of adrenaline. Let me tell you what I mean. Let’s say when you have gone without adrenaline for a while, that is, nothing caused you to get all excited and disturbed, well, I suppose it makes you sort of like any kind of a drug addict that greatly craves a ‘fix’ – you become nervous, and can’t fix your attention, and perhaps grow irritable, effectively priming you for your next explosive outburst.

You know, there are less dangerous ways of getting the body to blast out shots of adrenaline, then picking fights with truck drivers. For instance, if you can contrive a way of inflicting upon yourself some sharp but harmless pain (you may want to ask your doctor about such advice as this), well, that always comes with an adrenaline rush. I myself feel the adrenaline come on before taking Exams, before Public Speaking, and before participating in Athletic Events. Exams and Athletic Events might not be recommendable at this point – not until we know that you can be trusted to mix with people without exploding at them. But you can do some Public Speaking. You mentioned being an alcoholic, or having an alcohol problem. Well, everything can be a Blessing or a Curse, and here it is a blessing – you can go to one of those AA 12 Step Meetings, and make sure you get up and give a little speech every single time you go. Yes, yes, speaking makes you nervous, but that is the very point of it – whatever makes you nervous in that kind of way will give you an adrenaline rush…maybe not as much as you have grown used to, but maybe just enough to help you ‘hold on’. And then when you feel that it might be working, and that you are not so inclined to escalate your daily annoyances into pitched battles, well, then you can start taking classes, to expose yourself to the adrenaline of taking Exams, and you can start joining local sports teams or running clubs in order to expose yourself to the adrenaline of competing in sports.

Reading this advice over, it does seem like a rather long term recommendation in a situation where you may lose control any day now and entirely ruin the rest of your life from it. You say you are a vet. Could you arrange to stay in some Medical Institution for a while and get some expert medical advice. It would be a safe place for you to stay while you experiment with some of these other things that I and others have told you about.