Hi everyone, this is my first time posting in one of these and I am desperate for some advice. I have always been a pretty shy person even as a kid. I lack confidence and self esteem even in situations that should feel completely natural like talking to family members at a party. I am never one to talk a lot bc I get nervous in social situations, especially when I have to give a presentation. I absolutely hate being the center of attention.
I work at a special needs school with kids who have problem behaviors. Yesterday we had a meeting with 15 people from my department team including my boss. We all had to go around the room and talk briefly about our students. Very simple and easy - things they liked, things that tick them off, and how you deal with their behaviors. For the two hours before it was my turn I couldn't even pay attention to what my coworkers were saying bc I was so nervous. There's no reason for me to be nervous bc the people I work with are honestly the funniest, coolest people I've ever worked with and everyone was laughing during this meeting. Very friendly environment. But when it was my turn to talk my face got beat red (I know this bc it felt very warm), my mouth was very dry, voice shaky and weak, kept looking down, and my head was shaking so much it probably looked like I was convulsing. I tried to steady my head by resting my hand against it but that probably made it look even worse. I was so nervous that I couldn't even concentrate on what I was saying! I was repeating words and not not finishing thoughts. I have never felt so embarrassed and ashamed in my entire life. I look up to these people, especially my boss and now I feel like I've made a complete fool of myself and everyone thinks I am an idiot.
This is just one of many instances where I've been terrified of public speaking. Normally I would prepare but this wasn't made known until the last minute. I have always struggled with public speaking and you would think that it would get better but just keeps on getting worse and worse. I honestly want to quit my job right now. The idea of seeing my coworkers again scares the sh** out of me. I know that none of them really care bc people are always sympathetic to someone like me but I am still mortified.
Can anyone recommend me to a therapist? I seriously think I need anxiety medication it is that bad.